What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 50
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? London
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Manager
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 21
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
A Stolen Afternoon
How long ago did this hookup happen? Five years ago
What was your relationship status at the time? In a relationship (monogamous)
How would you best classify this hookup? Paid sex
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? She was a Bulgarian in her twenties. We’d met via a dating site but she had said money was involved and I was fine with that, though it was the first time I had paid for sex. She was medium height, maybe five foot seven, medium length brown hair, and a tiger tattoo on her back. I asked her to meet me at a gallery cafe in the late morning and then we went on to a nearby hotel I’d booked a room. She looked gorgeous and witty from the photographs, but the minute I saw her I was disappointed, but didn’t want to let her down — a deal is a deal. She smelt of cigarettes, which I don’t like, and dressed in a style I don’t like, fake fur and one of those huge finger rings that shield half the finger with chrome.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? What led to the hook-up was that I was very unhappy in my long term relationship. My partner had become very disabled a couple of years earlier and I was exhausted looking after her and being with her, and though we had occasional sex it was not fulfilling for me and I don’t think for her, either. So I wanted to keep the relationship but have no strings sex on the side. I planned to hookup on a no strings basis via the internet but when money was asked for, I wasn’t that bothered. It seemed to be more straightforward.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We went to the room and she disappeared for a few minutes to the bathroom to change. She gave me a blow job, I can’t remember with or without condom, and I remember the condoms she had brought being red and strawberry and too small for my cock. I’d brought a box of the usual Durex and we used them.
We fucked quite a few times, talked a little – she was a student in a local college, had a roommate (hence need for hotel). We fucked three times, with me resting for a few minutes to get my boner back on, and I enjoyed the sex. I couldn’t tell if she really did, I think it was just more like a job, though I don’t think she was used to being an escort. It was more like giving a student extra money. I liked her but we didn’t click and although I had booked a couple more hours, I just let her go after an hour and a half or so.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After she had left the hotel room I washed and walked out. I passed her at the entrance to underground station, she was smoking and on the phone. She acknowledged me with a brief smile and we never saw each other again. I didn’t want to pursue it any further, and she didn’t get in touch with me either. Today, I hope she has passed the course and found a way of gettng by without going into the sex biz.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, To feel better about myself, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Somewhat
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? It was paying for sex.
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Noone
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Enjoying sex with an able bodied person after so long without that.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That she wasn’t a person I would like to meet again. I was hoping for some sort of parallel but relatively no strings arrangement to my main relationship.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes, it transformed it. Before then I had only had three sexual relationship, always monogamous. Since then I have had over a dozen, almost always with me paying, but not always. I was always liberal about the escort world but this has made me see it in a different way, as both a better and a worse situation, than I had thought. I enjoy sex with strangers, and it took me this relationship with Ms Bulgarian, to really understand that.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? It’s not for everyone, but it’s very important to me. I think that it’s easier for men to have casual sex, it’s less of a stigma, but it can still be catastrophic, e.g. end of marriage and what appears to be a terrible breakdown of trust — and yet, in my heart of hearts, I don’t see it that way, and still don’t feel guilty about it. I almost wish I did, but I don’t.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Very interesting.
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