by Erika


Gender: Female
Age: 18
Race/ethnicity: Australian
Location: Sydney, Australia
Highest education received: Not graduated from high-school
Occupation: Casual worker in retail
Relationship status: Single
Religious affiliation: Catholic
How religious are you? A little
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? Four
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None

Confusing Adventure

How long ago did this hookup happen? A month ago

How would you best classify this hookup? Sex with an ex…

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He is an ex, and has been for the last eight months. Since the break-up he has messaged me at least seven times wanting sex, and foolishly I have gone back to him every time hoping that he had changed. No longer loved him just hoping something may have changed, as he is always cold to me around friends yet loving when wanting into my pants.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I had blocked his number due to the fact as he would be quite nasty towards me once the sex was finished. This time he found another way to contact me and was loving and friendly towards me like he always is when he first messages me after months of distance, this time he promised not to allow me to leave crying, and promised to be nice. Therefore he instigated it.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? When I first got to his house he was naked under a blanket, and I climbed under with him and he started kissing me and it felt so good, I had not had sex for about two months and was very horny. He put his hand down my pants and started fingering me and then I began to go down on him. At the time it felt so good but it has continually been for the wrong reasons. He behaved alright, he was nice enough yet by the end of it he was blocking me out like he usually did and at school the next Monday I did not receive a single word from him…the dick douche. He was a good lover, but he did not make me orgasm – he used to. No goodbye. He walked into the bathroom and I left as I felt he did not want anything else from me, and I was correct.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? He has always hated condoms, yet I told him he needed to use one, we talked about all those things when we were together but not recently.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? We were lonely I suppose, horny, and maybe well I know for me I miss him and missed us, which is stupid really.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? None surprisingly

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? He has not messaged me again and I believe I need to block him completely. I just can not do this anymore, I can’t be his punching bag, him getting sex from me then bagging me out completely it is not fair on either of us. I want him I honestly do but it just can’t happen anymore, that’s what I say every time yet here I am again.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one, if my friends out that I went back for the sixth or so time now, I would lose their trust completely. I am an idiot.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Yes it was consensual even though the day before this hookup he forced himself upon me and when I told him to stop and attempted to push him off of me he would not move, which made me feel scared and anxious.
This casual sex is not enough for me, not with him anyways.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? I am unsure, I mean I think I do because the feelings it gives me afterwards it kills me inside and I can not do this anymore.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Being with my ex again was the best thing, the worst was the way he makes me feel afterward he is a massive dick and everyone has been telling me, I just can’t stop myself.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? I hope it doesn’t happen again, and I hope that I am not the only one who has done this.

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