by Ranch girl
What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 28
What’s your race/ethnicity? East Asian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? New York
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (currently pursuing)
What’s your occupation? Student, freelance journalist
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? Four
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
How long ago did this hookup happen? 1.5 years ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I first met L when I was volunteering at a horse ranch. He was a worker, and helped out with the horses, building, and other tasks around the ranch. We first met when he rode up to my cabin on a horse with another worker, and I noticed the lines around his eyes, his long nose, and quiet demeanor. He was also wearing these large riding boots that made me go a little crazy — there’s something about workman boots and big feet. You know. The knife stuck in his belt caught my notice too. In a nutshell, I was attracted.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? It began a week after we met, after we’d been talking for hours into the morning and everyone else at the ranch had gone to bed. I didn’t know if he planned anything; all I knew was that I wanted to keep him talking to me. I wasn’t consciously thinking of bedding him; it was more a sense that I didn’t want him to leave. We went out of the cabin for a smoke; I was cold; he put his arm around me then his mouth on mine and we made it to a mattress in the toolshed. (Kind of ridiculous, but hey, that’s the truth.)
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The initial hookup was super messy. We were both drunk (but not overly so) and fumbly — the way almost-strangers are, I guess. I was really into it at first, but the messiness kind of took away from the heat of the moment. We stupidly didn’t use a condom, because there just wasn’t any on the ranch. It was honestly painful for me, because I hadn’t had sex in a while. We both drifted off after he came.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Initially, I thought of the hookup as the lead up to a casual fling, especially since I’d be at the ranch for only two months. I was going to keep it casual. But as it turned out, we had sex almost every single night after that. With more communication, and getting to know each other, the sex improved tremendously. He apologized for screwing up the first night together, and displayed a lot more consideration after that.
I don’t know if this can count as a casual sex story, now that I come to think of it. We were just having sex for a couple of months, but when it became time to leave, both of us realized the fling had become something more. We’re still together, long distance.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Condoms, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Other volunteers at the ranch. They were delighted for me.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I had been attracted to L since I met him. Hooking up a week later was soon enough that my infatuation was still fresh, and long enough that I didn’t feel rash about it. The emotional vindication and satisfaction was the best thing.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I didn’t orgasm, it was sexually unsatisfying for the first time. Subsequent times were perfectly fine.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It’s actually cemented my long-held belief that one of the better ways to meet an S.O is to have casual sex first (which indicates sexual/physical attraction), then go with the flow and see if the personalities are compatible.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Nothing much, just that it’s so much easier than Tindering in the city (add Rolling Eyes emoji here)
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I honestly have no issue with casual sex, as long as both partners are consenting. I have been unusually successful at (initially) separating sex from emotion in my (few) sexual relationships. That said, sex with someone you’re emotionally involved with is infinitely more satisfying.
Casual sex has unexpectedly boosted my confidence in the past, and sometimes it’s a great antidote for boredom. I reiterate — as long as both partners are consenting, I think it’s as non-eventful as brushing one’s teeth. It’s just sex. Or if it ends in romantic imbalance (i.e. one party has more interest than the other), then perhaps it’s more like a toe stub — painful for a while, but inevitable in life.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Fascinating as an anecdotal, cultural-sociological study in perspectives. Don’t know how applicable it’ll be in the scientific world, but it’s an important, mesmerizing first step in that direction. (As someone who has an interest in writing about pornography from a scientific perspective, I’ve also been frustrated by the lack of study/research in this area.)
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