Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Relationship status: Married
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? Seven vaginal, maybe five or six others
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? 17 years ago
How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Half of a one night stand
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? K was tall, blonde, British. We knew each other socially. She wasn’t my type, so I hadn’t taken much interest in her. K’s fellow study-abroad student, R, was in a class with me. We both smoked cigarettes, and ended up striking up a conversation. She was Scottish, a little older and worldlier than I was.
R later cooked me dinner. She was bisexual, and promiscuous. It was understood that I could have had sex with her that night, but I wasn’t interested. She looked very much like my grandmother looked when she was 25. Mostly I didn’t sleep with her because of emotional problems I was having. My mother had recently left my father, and I wasn’t right in a very good mental place at that time.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? In a bar. I had tagged along with a group of women at the invitation of R. The reason we all went out for Thirsty Thursday was because K’s roommate, whose name I don’t remember, had just been dumped by a boyfriend and her friends figured she needed to be cheered up.
There was no planning involved, and I don’t remember who made the first move. It probably wasn’t me.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We started making out heavily in the bar, which was a dive for students known for cheap pitchers of beer.
When the night was over, K and I went back to her dorm. Her newly single roommate was already asleep in her bed, so she didn’t want to go to her room. We got pretty hot and heavy in the common room until after dawn.
Lots of kissing, I sucked her nipples quite a lot, and fingered her. She was wet, but didn’t orgasm. I asked if she wanted to have sex, and she declined, so we made out some more.
Not a lot of talking, and she wasn’t a “giver.” I didn’t even get my dick out as far as I remember, and did not come close to orgasm.
The sun came up, and I went home.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? None and none.
What were your REASONS for having this hookup? I was a 21-year-old male. Did I need a reason? I have no idea what her motivations were.
Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Lots and lots of cheap beer.
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I had no emotional reaction…I was going through a lot of serious emotional problems at the time, and any fallout from this hookup wouldn’t even have registered.
She avoided me as best she could after our encounter, even when I said hi to her the following day. I saw the writing on the wall and did not pursue her. Have barely thought of her since.
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one. She may have discussed it with her friends, which may have added to the awkwardness. I still partied with the British girls, but barely interacted with K after that.
Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? It was consensual for me. I assume the same was true for her. You don’t suck on a near-stranger’s tongue in public for two hours, invite them back to where you’re staying and have their mouth all over you for the rest of the night if you’re not into it.
Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? No. It would have been nice if she had made any effort at reciprocating, but maybe she just wasn’t that into me, or maybe she was a selfish lover. I’ll never know.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best part was having a tall, attractive foreign girl all over me in public, and later that night being knuckles-deep in her.
The worst was her passivity.
As I keep saying, I was going through the implosion of my family at that time, and despite a powerful libido I wasn’t sexually active at all.
Not long after this hookup I was at another party and felt bold enough to hook up in the middle of the living room floor with another co-ed, with whom I had a typically deranged and dramatic “college relationship” over the following three years.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? At the time of this hookup, I was very much against casual sex. I was an outsider in a community where the cool kids all hooked up with each other, so I saw the downsides very clearly.
My experiences with women up until that time reinforced that attitude…on one occasion I had unprotected sex with a colleague, who was attached (and unbeknownst to me, pregnant) on the shore of a lake where we were working that day. All of these women came back for more, usually the next day, so I never had a one night stand. I had a lot of sex, usually every night when I had a partner, and didn’t feel like I missed out on anything.
As it happened, I married a woman who had a lot of one-night stands and short relationships, and no long-term sexual partners until I came along.
I feel like my number is too low, even though it’s perfectly average, and would be interested in swinging or a hall pass were my wife to allow it.
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