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What’s your gender? Genderqueer / Nonbinary
How old are you? 43
What’s your race/ethnicity? Mixed / Multiracial
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? New York
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (currently pursuing)
What’s your occupation? Artist
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (open)
Religious affiliation: Elements of Paganism, Buddhism, Judaism, Taoism and Catholicism
How religious are you? Very
What’s your sexual orientation? Queer
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Genderfluid switch
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? Around 80
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None

First Threesome Made Me Excited For More

How long ago did this hookup happen? 6 years

What was your relationship status at the time? In a relationship (open)

How would you best classify this hookup? Group sex

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? One of the people was my primary partner, S. We’d been in a serious polyamorous relationship for about 5 months at that point (we’d met at a club, both looking for a one-time hookup but discovered that we had so much in common we decided to see where it led. It’s been 6.5 years and we’re married now and still polyamorous.) S. is gender fluid like me, with a tall, thin build, short, anime-character spiky black hair and incredible cheekbones. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love S.
The other partner was M, she’s a soft punky butch that was about my height (short) and my build (curvy, petite). She had a scrappy tomboy thing going on, with freckles across her nose, short, choppy hair and a pork-pie hat and she wore a suit jacket with safety pins, ala Johnny Rotten. She generally sticks to female-bodied individuals but made an exception with S. because she thought I was so hot that it was worth it to her. 😉

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? S. and I had been talking for a few months before about doing a casual threesome, since, in spite of all out explorations with each other and previous partners, neither of us had ever done one. We had tickets and a hotel room already booked for a big steampunk convention, and we agreed that looking for someone in that environment would likely get us what we wanted: a female-bodied individual down for a sexual encounter with both of us, that would have some shared interests (and therefore interesting aesthetic).
I was very excited about doing it, but also very nervous: I have a compromised immune system and I’d been a safer sex outreach peer counselor and take safer sex issues far more seriously than S, who is 7 years younger than me and doesn’t remember the AIDS crisis with the same brutal clarity that I do. I wanted to make sure that whoever we had sex with was going to be on board with the safer sex practices I required to feel safe in having a good time. That stuff took MANY conversations and a LOT of negotiation between me and S. In the end, S. left the direction and boundaries of it all up to me, because it was of utmost important to him that I felt safe and therefore relaxed.
We walked around the Con checking out various people (and being checked out in return) but when I first saw M, I KNEW she was the one I wanted us to pursue. It took another couple of hours for us to all wind up at the same party but she was feeling the energy as well and we kinda locked in on each other. She made a bold move at the party, grabbed me and attempted to kiss me but I stopped her and said “You know we’re a package deal, right?” and she said “Oh, I figured THAT” so I let her kiss me, it was really hot and immediately after, I invited her to join S. and myself in our room.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The three of us got back to my and S’s room and M. sorta started to take control, grabbing first me, then S. and making out with us whilst starting to undress us and herself. I slowed things down and said I wanted to check in about safer sex guidelines. It turned out that her job is as an STD counselor at a queer community center! I felt instantly relieved as we very easily negotiated what we felt okay about (bare fingers on/inside pussies, okay, gloved for asses. Condoms for the cock in the room. No oral. Tribbing through underwear.)
It was pretty great that M. clearly had prior experience with threesomes, because although S. and I were game for anything, we both realized we didn’t really know HOW to navigate this stuff. Real life is not like porn, where everything choreographs so easily. So first M. made out with me and finished undressing me down to my panties. Then she did the same to S., getting him down to his boxers, then S and I sandwiched M. between us and kissed her mouth and neck while relieving her of her clothes down to her y-fronts (butch chicks in tighty-whities is fucking hot as hell). She had a lot of loose skin and stretch marks around her abdomen. I wasn’t bothered by it, but I really wanted to inspect her skin, because I like to really look up close at my lover’s bodies, but I wasn’t sure if she felt self-conscious about it or not. S. was a little put off at first, I doubt that M. noticed, but I noticed because I know him really well. Prior to going out with me, he’d always dated people significantly younger than himself, so he was still learning about body variation.
All was forgotten quickly when M started expertly jerking S. off while grinding on top of me at the same time. At some point, I rolled us over so I was on top of her and I pinned her legs apart with my knees and started fingering her while making out with S. I had to get up to go to the bathroom and when I came back into the room, M. and S. were under the sheet, deeply kissing. S. seemed nervous that they had engaged in intimacies while I was out of the room but I was fine with it- I wanted to make sure he was having a good time, too. I then asked that they go back to kissing because I wanted to watch. I wanted to see if I’d feel jealous watching someone making out with my partner. (Short answer: not at all! I was surprised at how much it turned me on to see this person I love hooking up with another person.) Eventually, M. straddled S’s chest, shoving her tits in his mouth while he fingered her pussy and I sucked his cock. It became clear that M was not going to let S. fuck her pussy, so I wanted to make sure that he was still being taken care of. I didn’t let him cum just yet, but we were all having a pretty great time. M. then climbed off S. and pinned me down, then she started fucking me with her hand and also rubbing her cunt against mine through our underwear. I came multiple times and so did she, S. watched us, moaning, stroking himself and occasionally kissing one of us. After we both came, M. rolled off me, laughed that “couples always kiss the same as each other” then got dressed and left. It was about 5 am, so S and I were both a little surprised she didn’t just wanna crash with us (and possibly have more sex in the morning) but that’s what happened. After she left, S and I fucked really hard, I came again another few times and he finally came the first time. We processed a little bit before falling into a very satisfying sleep.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? S and I felt very close the next morning. We fucked again and then I went swimming in the hotel pool while he went to a Con lecture. M. happened to be at the same lecture and S told me afterward that she acted just like “friendly dude” when they saw each other. I think we’d both been hoping there might be a repeat performance before we all went home to our regular lives, but it didn’t happen, although she *did* give me her number and said we should all hang out since we lived in the same city at the time.
We were never in touch but about 2 years later, she got on the same cross-town bus I was on, so I texted her to see if it was her. It was, and she sat down next to me and asked where she knew me from and then went very red when I bluntly stated, “You had sex with me and my partner at ____Con.” She recovered quickly and resumed her butchy swagger. She got off a few stops before me and I’ve not seen her or heard from her since. I look back now on the experience with a lot of fondness and sweetness and gratitude- that experience was such a perfect first-time situation that it emboldened me to do something for my partner later, which was find a girl for him, to “give” him as his birthday present. (A fun story for another time 🙂 )

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Discussed STI testing history, Exchanged recent STI test results, No penetrative sex happened

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have, Making new friends

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Close friends and my therapist. All were very encouraging beforehand, all were really happy for me and supportive afterward.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I got to see what the experience was like with a person I love and with another person that really put me at ease. I’m a rape and sexual abuse survivor, so having first-time sexual encounters that are positive are really, really essential for my emotional well-being and continued sexual health.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That it didn’t last longer or go into the next day 🙂

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. It’s been in poly relationships before but with people that weren’t always as honest as they should’ve been. This experience gave me a new understanding of how deep trust can go with someone I love. It was also nice to have a person to process a casual encounter with, instead of being left with all my feelings about it to work out alone afterward.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? It was great. No regrets whatsoever!

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think I had a lot of unintentional casual sex in my teens and 20s and was frequently left feeling shitty about it, because I was having sex for the wrong reasons and was constantly putting myself in situations that were reenactments of past abuse or otherwise didn’t feel very good even when all parties were consenting. I’d like to see better sexual education for one. And I’d like to see more sex-positive therapists working with trauma survivors that understand that poly relationships can be healthy and not “acting out” past abuse. I’d like to see an end to slut-shaming people for enjoying casual sex. And I’d like to see the decriminalization of sex work, so that sex workers can be protected under the law and stop being vilified and shunned by the culture.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s wonderful! This work is so fucking important for a healthy populace. A friend of mine, who is a 50-year-old virgin, was the one that showed me this site. I’m hoping he’s able to start exploring sexually, and places like this existing in the world can heal some of the damage that’s been done to folks like him that are maybe just very late bloomers.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!

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