What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 21
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? New York
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Kinky, switch, rope bunny/rigger
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? Five
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
How long ago did this hookup happen? Two days ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Pretty, tatted Asian guy. He had shoulder length bleach blonde hair, and he wore a few silver bracelets on his right wrist. I met him on a Tinder date, we were at a bar in the Lower East Side. He was really cute so I was excited/nervous to meet him for the first time, but at the same time I was thinking about trying to fuck him that night.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Before I took him to my apartment he half jokingly asked me to slap him in the face in the bar, I was feeling substantially less social awkward after having a drink, so I decided to do. I think I surprised him. I’m into tying/ being tied up by them, and after I slapped him I “naturally” brought up the idea of tying him up that night (but I think I secretly wanted to talk about it to see if he was at all kinky too, since the slap seemed to excite him). We made out in the bar a little, and then we decided to go back to my place.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We made out some more when we got up to my apartment. He was pulling my hair hard and biting my lip, which I really like, and I was choking him a bit and pulling his hair too (it was so nice and long). He pushed me onto the bed and then asked me to tie him up. I decided to hogtie him because I wanted to practice that tie out on him and I really wanted him to feel helpless.
I want to mention a few things before I continue. 1. This was the first time I really, seriously dommed a guy before. I had practiced ties on myself and an ex boyfriend in the past, but this was the first time I felt really comfortable in the headspace, really got into character. 2. This guy was being an asshole to me the whole night. He made fun of my outfit within the first few minutes I met him (and uhhhh I thought I looked great), and later after I slapped him in the bar he told me he was surprised I actually did it because I “came off as kind of a wet blanket.” He told me I was a loser a bunch of times, I got a general sense of superiority from him. I think he was mostly joking, but it was really difficult to read him. I was worried that he wanted to see me specifically because he wanted to have sex with me, which made it hard to trust him. At the same time, I was thinking about fucking him from the beginning of the date, so maybe I’m in the wrong too. There was a lot of sexual kinda hate-fuck tension going on.
After I had him fully tied up I started to verbally degrade/humiliate him (he had mentioned wanting me to do this to him as I was tying him up). I told him he was a fucking slut, and that he was disgusting for wanting me to do this to him. I made him apologize for being so pathetic. Periodically I’d tell him how good he was doing, and he told me a couple times that he was really scared/turned on at the same time. After about 15 minutes of this I untied him, and asked him how his feet/hands felt etc. I gave him some aftercare, cuddling, stroking his hair and stuff. He told me that he really wanted to fuck me, and we were kind of messing around for a while after that but he couldn’t get hard, I think because it was an intense experience for both of us. I was really turned on the whole time, he looked so fucking cute all tied up and helpless, and he was fairly verbal about how much he was into everything I was doing, which is another big turn on for me, moaning, saying my name, telling me to keep going, stuff like that. We didn’t have any penetrative sex, and honestly we didn’t really touch each other too much besides the kissing/tying up, but that was totally okay because I felt so empowered and excited by how much power I had in the moment that having an orgasm wasn’t on my mind as much as the adrenaline rush was.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? No
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After we cuddled for a while I told him to go home because I knew he didn’t want to stay over. He kissed me a lot again as he was leaving and he kept saying “next time I’m gonna fuck you” over and over. The next day I felt really weird and panicky all day, I’m not completely sure why. I think it was a combination of me being scared by my own capabilities as a domme, being frightened by how much I liked the way he verbally degraded me before we had sex (this was scary because I didn’t ask to be degraded), and continuously reliving the experience the next day. We texted that same day and he told me he knew he was “a full dom” after the experience, though I think he was probably lying, or at least trying to cover how fragile he felt. He wants to do a spanking scene with me later this week, but my friends and I think I should just leave the situation how it is now. I kind of agree.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) No penetrative sex happened
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have, Intoxication, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, Power / Dominance, Revenge / Getting even
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? I don’t know
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I talked to my best friends about it after, and they were really proud of me for officially tying up my first boy, and they were glad I got back at him after he was such an ass to me.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Being able to establish dominance over a guy who thought he had the upper hand in the situation, confirming my abilities as a rigger, confirming my inner confidence, feeling comfortable in my own body.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Feeling really conflicted and panicky the next day because I liked feeling disrespected by this guy which really conflicts with my own personal feminism, but also appeals to the part of myself that enjoys the duality of power based relationships.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes, I definitely feel more willing to hook up casually with someone in the future, hopefully someone who is a lot nicer to me than this guy (but who isn’t nice in bed lol).
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Everyone should try rope bondage! DO your research, be confident/safe about the ties you do, check in with your partner often, but seriously it’s so fun.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think I was scared of casual sex for a long time simply because I had fewer sexual experiences. I thought for a long time that I needed to have a real emotional connection with a person to have sex with them, that I needed to know them for a long time before I could have sex with them, but I’ve gotten so much more comfortable with myself, and that makes it easier for me to connect with someone intimately without necessarily /knowing/ them. I definitely feel a lot of societal pressure/hypocrisy as a woman about my “place” or the way I’m “allowed” to conduct myself sexually, and I’m proud of myself for exploring my kinks and not letting the patriarchy get me down. All that stuff.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s great!
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