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What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 29
What’s your race/ethnicity? Spanish
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? London
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Student
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? bicurious
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 3
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Grey Area

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 months

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I had been out of a very long serious relationship for a year, and never been with anyone else sexually. I wanted to learn, explore, try things. I have always been very open-minded about sex and felt I hadn’t had the chance to explore my sexuality.
I started going out more on weekends but never really found anyone I was attracted to, except for a one night stand that wasn’t great, but that’s another story.
This guy I met on tinder and was initially attracted to him. He was introverted, very polite and educated, but at the same time seemed confident and held pretty strong opinions. We had a lot in common and had great conversation, he was interesting. He wasn’t afraid of awkward silences, I felt comfortable and very relaxed with him.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? On the first date we had dinner and talked, nothing else happened. It went well, I thought, would like to see him again-but I wasn’t crazy for him. On the second date we also had dinner, then a drink, then we went to another place to have another drink. We had very little drink as he wasn’t used to drinking, he’s arab. I felt we had a lot in common culturally as I’m Spanish, and there’s a lot of arab heritage. Everything about him slowly become more alluring and attractive as the night progressed. On the last club we went to, it was very late, he finally kissed me. He was shy with his body language so I hadn’t initiated anything as I was unsure what he wanted and how attracted to me he was. Once the kissing started we soon got tuned to each other and there was amazing chemistry. The club closed, and as I looked for the night bus to get home he would stop me every so often to passionately kiss me. Once we finally found the stop and were kissing again I whispered in his ear whether he wanted to come back to mine, to which he answered with another kiss.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? On the way to my place his hand was caressing my leg… just from the kissing and his touch on my leg I was so turned on. Once in my room we got a bit shy, we talked about stuff I had around my room. He said why don’t we go to bed, and borrowed pijama bottoms while I put mine on. This was so awkward and hilarious. Under the covers we soon got closer to each other and started kissing. Despite his introvertedness he was forward in bed, kissed passionately, grabbed me, pulled me close… that was a major turn on. I responded by slowing him down and teasing him a lot. He was still wearing his clothes, which was also a turn on. (At this point everything and anything was a turn on! hahaha). I teased him by caressing and gently kissing and licking around his neck, his wrists, his hands…his waist, specially his waist, his top and pants still on. I took my time as his erection was growing, turning all my attention to the rim of his boxers, gently stroking his dick over his pants. I took his pants off, then his boxers… I was teasing him as much as I was teasing myself, as I really enjoy giving oral and I was dying for it. When I started licking and sucking the tip of his penis I was getting really wet. I didn’t go far into sucking him when he stopped me and started to return the favour.
I really liked how he was active and at times dominant in bed, not in a rough way, but in a I’m-going-to-do-this-now, and having initiative, as my previous and only sex partner was very passive. I was used to being in control, knowing what and how it was going to happen. It was fucking amazing have someone do that for me, wanting to give me pleasure and switching control back and forth.
Him going down on me was amazing, never had it that good. I knew he was loving it, I knew he wanted to spend a long time down there and that, at that moment, his sole focus was my pleasure. Awesome. As I lay in bed he held my legs up together, knees on my chest, with on hand as he licked me. That position made me feel sexy as fuck. After a long time of that bliss, we had penetrative sex in different positions with a condom. We occasionally kissed and looked into each others eyes, and it felt very intimate as I think we both got off a lot on pleasing the other person.
He was smaller than my ex too, which was great, because it meant we could go on for longer and also fast; penetrative sex had always been something I couldn’t really figure out how to enjoy before. This was a great discovery!
He came twice, and I didn’t come. Needless to say I had a great time anyway so it didn’t bother me. He tried really hard and insisted (but not in a pushy way) to try and make me come stimulating manually and orally, but it wasn’t going to happen. His determination was really hot though. This is strange for me as I have no problem coming usually, but I think it was the overall excitement and great pleasurable feelings that were new. I knew how to come from A to B, but this was like a new alphabet that I need to get used to, to know how to come with it. I cannot stress how much of a good time I had without orgasming. I also want to say that I like my orgasm to be part of what I ‘work towards’ with my partner, but I don’t always want, need, or care about having an orgasm.

After the sex we talked about previous sex experiences, what we wanted, etc. Neither of us wanted a relationship due to different reasons.

He stayed the night. In the morning, I was already half awake when he came close to me and started grabbing me a little rough, grabbing my tits and then my clit, from behind. I said “Good morning” with a smile and enjoyed it a lot. Wondering what he was up to, he then went down on me, and we had another pleasure session… I think this time I did orgasm (we had sex on several occasions after, so I can’t remember clearly).

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I was so happy and excited and I felt amazing. Then I started to feel really clingy, as the sex felt so intimate and I really craved more. I think this was mostly the fact that I hadn’t really had casual sex before and I was attaching a lot to it… I needed a little time to figure out how I felt, and soon felt better. I am still figuring it out.

We both agreed we wanted to be friends and have sex, but after four or five times of really good sex, things got complicated. I’m not sure what it was, I don’t think he was being honest, clear and communicative, or maybe he didn’t know how he felt about it. He seemed to get upset/annoyed at small things but then not want to talk about them. He would just stop talking to me, and we stopped seeing each other.

I wish he would’ve been more communicative and clear about what he thought and felt. It always felt like he was keeping a lot to himself and I couldn’t read him. As for me, I liked him a lot, I wanted to have great sex and explore that with him, and I also wanted to get to know him as a friend. I always tried to be open and honest about how I felt and what I wanted. Although I also got at times easily upset/annoyed and confused about my feelings.

I would like to think that I can have open relationships where I can connect with people sexually and as friends, but I still don’t know if and how that works for me. Still figuring it out.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have, Power / Dominance, Submission / Relinquishing power

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told some close friends. The reaction was good, they were happy for me. However I feel like a lot of my female friends don’t quite get why I don’t want a relationship, and that was a little upsetting. To think that perhaps a lot of women get this, where people think “oh, you don’t really know what you want, but you’ll soon figure out that what you want is a boyfriend”. Specially when its not black and white. People get if you “just want to get laid/enjoy casual sex” or if you want a relationship. But anything in between is ‘impossible’. I do hope people become more open and accepting with others and themselves, to realise that the connections they make with others can take a million forms.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The connection, the sexual energy.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The lack of communication, the emotional confusion.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. It has opened up a grey area that I want to explore.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? The little negative comes from not knowing how my partner handled the situation. I got a little emotionally hurt/confused from not knowing what was going on with him and sometimes myself. Overall I wasn’t emotionally hurt.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think sex in any shape or form that is enjoyed and consensual is great. I think nobody should be judged for wanting any sort of sex, sadly, a lot of people feel this judgement, specially women.
I think that casual sex is not right for everyone/at all times, and people should be patient with themselves and others to figure out their feelings and desires. Communication is key, and I try not to assume anything, you are just two people connecting, the details of how and why are only up to you two.

I would like to see more open relationships, and more conversations that challenge normative relationships. Heterosexual and monogamous is just one way of doing things.

I recently heard that sex was being portrayed more on mainstream cinema as a device to tell all sorts of stories. That made me think, sex is a way to express, learn and explore so many things in different ways… we tend to think of it as “casual fun” or “romantic story”. I’d like that to be changed in society.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think its G R E A T ! Protecting people’s privacy with anonymity, people get to share their sexual experiences. The far majority of stories I have read are very positive and there seems to be a common thread, but let each take their own conclusions! Great site, amazing idea and realisation.
I think that the focus on casual sex is smart, to bring light over something that is ‘shameful’. I think its also tactical and practical, but a part of me misses the rest of the conversation- how about sex in other types of relationships/encounters? Why are romantic and committed paired up?

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!

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