What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 22
What’s your race/ethnicity? Mixed / Multiracial
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Canada
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Ski Instructor
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 7
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
He Had a “Girlfriend”
How long ago did this hookup happen? 4 months
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met this guy early December. I was starting a new job and when I went to meet my new supervisor he was also in the office. Tall, good-looking, sandy blond, wavy hair just above his shoulders. Immediate attraction on my side. I remember thinking “I want to sleep with you before the season (I work a seasonal job) is done.”
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I had just moved into a bizarre but very fun house with three guys. Shortly before Christmas/New Years we had a house party. The house is two stories with all the living upstairs and then, more or less, a big open space downstairs. I was sitting upstairs in an old work shirt not super into the party but spinning around on an office chair. Said male briefly came upstairs (to get ice maybe?) and asked me what was up to. I was not, in my opinion, his sole objective. I, armed with the knowledge that this guy was there, went downstairs. I chatted with him and a few other people. Eventually, we all ended back upstairs, dancing, listening to music and hanging out. Me, being me, had an inkling but mostly was completely surprised when he slipped his arm around me while we were dancing. We sat opposite each other with our legs between each others. He went to kiss me and I ducked my head. “Do you want to kiss me?” he asked. I can’t remember if I responded with words or whether I just kissed him. Either way we were soon making out in my open plan dining room in front of my new housemates and other people at the party. “Want to go to your room?” I led him by the hand there.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We didn’t have sex that night, I refused because I hadn’t shaved my pubes in a while and felt uncomfortable with that. We hung out a lot, during the day at work and on days off and at night (almost always at my house and after one of us had been drinking), over the next month. We had a lot of sex and had a lot of fun. That first night I went to tell him something, “OK, so, full disclosure…” and freaked out. “Nah, nothing, never mind”. I meant to tell him that I hadn’t had sex in a while (just shy of a year) with the intention of insinuating that I didn’t really know what I was doing. Instead he took this as his opportunity, “OK, my full disclosure,” he said, “there’s kind of this other girl. She’s in England and we’re not together but we were hanging out last year and we told each other that we could see other people”.
We spent every second night together for a month. He talked to me in bed and asked me what I liked and what I wanted him to do. He went down on me and I went down on him. We had penetrative sex up to 4 times a night, often barely sleeping before being woken up by the other persons presence and our sheer desire. It was the first time I ever truly enjoyed sex. We spoke once about our kinks (very vanilla, mine was being tied up and being told what to do… can’t actually remember his but similar), I still masturbate to that thought/conversation.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We eventually were both sober and had a ‘talk’. It was about the other girl, who was coming to visit. Turns out she was a lot more of a girlfriend in an open relationship than an old flame that he hadn’t let go of. We slept together 3 more nights (couldn’t tell you the number of times we had sex in those 3 nights) before I finally got to the point where it was just as much my idea as it was his to end it. We ended it the bleary morning (for me) after I had come and jumped on his bed in the middle of night after being out. He kissed one of my best friends a couple days later at a party. He messaged me that he wished I would come over for a ‘midnight surprise’ a week later. His girlfriend came and visited. Twice. She’s super nice and I wish she wasn’t as cool as she is. I like her. I got the award for most hook ups of the season at the staff party (three), she asked my two best friends with who. He went up to the hosts and was angry because if it came out who I’d slept with it probably would’ve jeopardised his relationship.
We had an insane sexual chemistry as well as very similar morals, ethics, and live views. He now lives two doors down from me and he’s still the most considerate, biggest and best partner I’ve ever had. I’m still wondering what could’ve been.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Condoms, Plan B / Emergency contraception
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Intoxication, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, MDMA, ecstasy, molly
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My housemates – congratulatory. Possibly a friend I’d recently made but was closest with in this new town – can’t remember her reaction.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It taught me so much about my own desires and sexuality; what I like and how I like to be treated.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The emotional fallout
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Definitely, I now view my body as sexually positive and enjoy sex!
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I wish slut shaming didn’t exist. Why do we, as a society, continue to shame and disapprove of people (especially women) who are sexually active? We do it to our own gender, to our friends, to people we have never met. It has no affect on our lives, why do we bother casting aspersions on others?!
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I read about it online in an article in The New Yorker. I think it provides a very valid platform to engage a larger research audience than college students however I also recognise the failings of only people who are willing to share their experiences will share (therefore skewing results towards the type of person who shares intimate details). It also serves, at least for me, as a rather therapeutic exercise.
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