What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 25
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? United States, Midwest City
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Management, Arts Administration
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? N/A
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 13
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
Hot Going Away Sex with Sculpture Bro
How long ago did this hookup happen? This weekend
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I knew him so well, we worked together professionally and were friends outside of our work and school relationship. I was in the same department with him and school and always thought he was super annoying, including calling him out on multiple occasions for micro aggressions and other problematic behavior. Over the five or so years I have known him he is a lot better today. We had never hooked up before and I was convinced it was going to be horrible, but he was dramatically moving to NY the same weekend. Intuitively it just felt right. Overall I wasn’t too excited and pretty underwhelmed thinking and planning the night out, but being recently single I’ve been sleeping around more and thought it would be a good prospect.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Since my past breakup there have been a lot of awkward encounters with this guy with lots of sexual tension. I had at one point convinced myself it couldn’t happen for professional reasons, so I was sending many mixed signals. I knew he was always interested, once he had scheduled to meet with me (disguised as a gallery meeting) but wanted to talk about our personal life instead. I swiped with him on Tinder because I’m foolishly new to dating and thought it would be rude not to since we are friends and colleagues. Then, after we matched I immediately unmatched him. This led to an awkward conversation next time I saw him at the gallery and he confronted me on multiple occasions about it. I also blue balled him at my fourth of July party and hinted at him staying the night, then rejected him when he tried to follow through (I was on my period). After two months of mixed signals this weekend changed a lot of how I felt. He had a big show at a gallery and that night it just felt right. He regardless was always my friend and I wanted to be there to support him. We went to a bar afterwards for an afterparty and I was very drunk and flirtatious to him in front of our peers. I instigated it, not surprisingly since I’ve always been the more dominant one of us just as friends. I also was being arrogant and knew he wanted it.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I took him home to my place, and we drunkenly had hour long sex, going through four condoms. It felt amazing. I was so surprised after assuming I wouldn’t get off and feeling so underwhelmed at the thought. He’s kind of an awkward guy so I anticipated the sex would be the same. But it just felt so comfortable and so right in that moment. I got off more than I have since my breakup and he was so generous in bed, going down on me three times and also again in the morning. His style was really laid back, like not going too fast or too hard which I’m normally not into. My vagina was so swollen the next day from so much penetration. I had to take a lot of self care steps to recover. He knew exactly the spots to get me off and was so good with foreplay. My style is typically more dominant and harder, but the way he led sex with his style was really appealing. It wasn’t like any other sex I’ve had before. Almost like more mature? I think he is the best kisser I have ever kissed. He was such a good lover. We didn’t talk much about it the morning after- other than me calling him a good kisser and him calling me a bad ass bitch, and then apologizing for saying that (I thought he was being sweet, I liked it). He gave me three huge hickeys that I somewhat flaunted the next night, in addition to a small bruise on my upper arm.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I took him home again the next night, his last night in town after attending a dinner and a going away party for him. It was like we were a couple, or maybe should have been in the past while he was still here. I wanted him so bad I was initiating a lot of PDA, and in front of a small art friend group which wasn’t the smartest idea (his ex was also in attendance that night). There is nothing we can do about it now, he is currently driving a three day drive with his belongings to NY. I’ve been snapchatting him sexy pictures and he has been reciprocating and I like that a lot. I think its a good place to realistically stay in. I wish I had seen him sooner when he was in town and could rewind. I feel guilty that I was mean and overlooking to him at times. I have work plans to visit NY in the next year (all of my friends are there anyway) and I’m sure I will see him again. I don’t know if our paths will ever cross sexually but am absolutely open to it if the timing is ever right. For now, I’ve never felt like my head and my heart are in such different places and I am super sad he is gone. I’m also still so shocked at how good he was in bed and our chemistry together, after so many interactions of being annoyed of him. I miss him a lot.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Intoxication, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Completely wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How intoxicated was your partner? Completely wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My gallery partner who is my best friend told me explicitly that she doesn’t want to hear any of it. I tell her everything and its been hard for me not to share the news. Because of the PDA everyone knows, just not necessarily details. My friends have been supportive of it and me, especially now that I am so bummed out about him leaving. I shared his great dick size with my closest girlfriends, of course.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? He is amazing at going down on me, I think the best I’ve ever had. I also liked just simply kissing him.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That he doesn’t live here and I didn’t initiate it sooner.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It has changed the way I trust my head and my heart; understanding that they don’t often align. I don’t know which one I can trust more.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? If someone wants to buy me airfare to NY, I’d see him again and gladly write up another extensive summary of our encounter.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I had a short stint of casual sex when I was a freshman in college, but almost immediately started dating someone and continued to date him for seven years including being engaged. He broke up with me randomly one day after a quarter life crisis and decided to devote himself to political organizing. I’ve been single for four months and have been overall enjoying casual sex. Now that I’m older, I’m much more confident and having more fun, and since I was the one broken up with I feel like I deserve it so to speak. I still love my past partner and it will take me a long time to heal. I don’t want to date anyone right now, but want a casual fuck buddy that is also not interested in emotional attachment, but is overall a respectable person. I’m also an aquarius so I’m good at being aloof. In my social circle casual sex is normal. I don’t interact with individuals that are judgmental about it, so I feel like I’m not often interacting with less progressive ideals regarding casual sex. I would though, like the norm of women being more emotionally attached than men, including being needy and crazy to disappear. Its pretty offensive and in my experience it is typically the guy that is more emotionally attached (although in this story submitted there are feelings on my part involved).
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? The New Yorker.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!