What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 52
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: High school diploma
What’s your occupation? Housewife
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (open)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 15
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
How it all started
How long ago did this hookup happen? 20 yr
What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Extremely good looking, muscular and fit, respectful and charming. He was in my husbands unit and once a month, he had all of the single guys over to the house, because he said that it built loyalty and morale. I got to know them all very well and while my husband and I were in our early 30’s I felt very motherly towards them all. Several of them, including this young man used to confide their personal problems to me. He in particular always told me about his relationship problems as he is an African American and there were few civilian African American women there.
I was always entertained by his stories and flattered that he came to me for advise.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? My husbands unit got deployed. He was one of the few that didn’t go as he recovering from an injury. He and several others came around and checked on me and the children. They were very helpful, he in particular went to my children’s events with me, mow the lawn, and took care of my car.
I found myself becoming attracted to him and started to have daydreams about him, but I passed that off as loneliness.
He became a more frequent visitor and I began to image more and more erotic scenarios, and found myself in situations that we could be alone. I didn’t exactly put myself out there, more like I wasn’t going to stop him if he tried anything, and while several times I think that he wanted to, he always gracefully excused himself.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He stopped by one night to check on me and the children were all staying over at friends. He wasn’t going to stay but I insisted that he come in as I was feeling lonely. We sat at the kitchen table and talking about how lonely the both of us were and I leaned into him, to say how things were going to get better, and I put my hand on his thigh. I was a bit surprised because my hand rested on his erection, and a bit more surprised because I left it linger and he didn’t move.
The only thing that I could think of saying was “Oh my”. I thought that he might jump up and excuse himself, but it got quiet and I began to gently rub my hand along his erection. He looked at me and said that he shouldn’t be doing this but he really wanted me and was I sure of what I was doing.
When I said yes, He scoped me up in his arms and carried me into the bedroom. Before he laid me on the bed we stood there exchanging deep passionate kisses. I didn’t need any other foreplay, I was that aroused, but he undressed me and began to give me the most delightful oral sex. His tongue was like a magic wand that hit every right spot and I had a mind blowing orgasm.
Then I helped him finish undressing, I actually fumbled getting his penis out of his boxers as it was large and stiff. I began to play with it, a few licks and kisses, he began to ooze, he tasted so good, that while I wasn’t all that into oral I knew that I was going to do him. It took longer than I thought, but when he came in my mouth it felt so natural and easy to sallow.
We lay there in each others arms, his penis was still erect, but not sticking straight up like before. So I rolled on top of him and began to ride my pussy on the length of his penis. After a few gyrations his penis slid into me. I started slowly but I quickly worked all of him into me, I had 4 children right after I got married and always thought it had stretched me out, so much so that I hadn’t enjoyed being on top for a long time
We literally had sex until the sun came up.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? First thing I experienced was being so sexually satisfied and completely exhausted.
Then I thought how stupid I was to be so selfish, I cheated, I should have gotten him out of the house so my children wouldn’t know, and we didn’t use any protection.
I knew that we did not have a future
He holds a very special place in my heart till this day
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Somewhat
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but didn’t give a ‘no’
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one at first. It was years before I told my husband
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Other
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? After I told my husband, I felt a great relief. He was a lot more understanding that I would have imagined. It also opened our exploration into our sexuali
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I carried a secret in my heart for years, only later to discover that I need not have.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It certainly made it a lot easier to have a few more affairs later
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I had gotten to a point in my marriage where I had considered sex a chore. I missed him during his previous deployments but had started to look forward to them as my time to be alone. This opened my eyes to new levels of sex and love
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? My gradual evolution towards being a feminist. I no longer regard my husband as my property and am certainly not his. I have shared my body with several men since then, in what our society calls casual sex. I don’t think that those two words go together, at least not for women. I put a lot of effort into pleasing the partner of my choice and expect the same in return
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I like it
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