by Danielle

Gender: Female
Age: 24
Race/ethnicity: White
Current location: Georgia
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (currently pursuing)
Occupation: Student
Relationship status: Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Bisexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexual orientation/sexuality better/best? I thought I was a lesbian until a year ago.
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 6
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 1

Losing My Straight Virginity

How long ago did this hookup happen? 5 months

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Friends with benefits

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He’s a really geeky guy. Kind of skinny, unfashionable. He’d been part of my friends group for a while, and most of our hanging out was at various parties although we’ve had a few one-on-one hanging out times. We went to college together, although he’s just one of those guys whose friends with other people I hang out with. I wasn’t sure how I felt about him before the hook up. He was kind of fun to hang out with. I think I was mostly intrigued by him because I had identified as a lesbian until about a year before our hook up when I got curious about dating guys. I dated one for a brief period of time, but it didn’t work out. There were a few reasons, but one reason it didn’t was because I was freaked out because I was 23 and was overly worried about my inexperience with guys. He had hit on me before during some of these parties so I think I kind of viewed him as someone I could test things out with so if I decided I wanted to date a guy again, I wouldn’t be so overly anxious or I would at least have a vague idea of what I was doing.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? It was new years eve, and I wanted to have sex with someone. Because of previous experiences of him hitting on me, I figured he was my easiest target. I was really, really obvious. Like, sitting on his lap obvious. Around the time the clock hit midnight, he asked if we wanted to go somewhere more private.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We went into our friend’s bedroom. She walked through to go to the bathroom and saw us making out, so she handed us some condoms. We then moved to the bathroom, and had sex on the floor. I mean, other stuff happened too, like him fingering me and the tiniest amount of oral. I remember during the sex he asked if I was a virgin, but I was too overwhelmed to do more than go “uh huh”. It was a weird experience, because he was clearly into a little dirty talk which none of the girls I’d had sex with had really done and it felt weirdly objectifying? I think I would’ve been more flattered if it was someone I was into. We’ve had sex a few other times and I haven’t felt that way then, but we were also actually sober during those times. I’ve had better sex, but I’ve had worse as well. I think if I had been more attracted to him, instead of just thinking “I need sex now and I want to try it with an available guy”, I would’ve been more ok with him overall.

Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? Neither of us did. I was just getting sore eventually. But the other times we’ve had sex it’s happened.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? He wore a condom. Nothing else.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? It was mostly to get experience with a guy, and horniness.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Alcohol was. Other times it happened, we were sober.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next day was weird. He drove me back to my car, and I texted him asking if things were going to be weird. He said we were fine. He also texted asking me to text him when I got my period. This SERIOUSLY led me to freak out, and it actually affected my cycle for about a month, and my period lasted about a month too, plus some of the hymen-breaking bleeding. I even went to the doctor and she told me that my cycle being irregular was probably just stress. So that was terrible.

I had a weird push-pull with this person. I enjoyed the physical sensations, and feeling desired. But it did feel kind of empty. I think we’ve stopped hooking up (I’m basing this on the last time I tried making a move he basically shot me down), and I was disappointed about that, not so much because of him, but because of missing those aspects. It has inspired me to try to find someone I actually like though no luck yet.

Aside from that, I felt kind of. . .confused. And a little dirty. This is a shitty thing to say, I know, but I kind of feel like I’d want to do better than him? But I still liked the attention.

Overall, my feelings about him and sex with him are confusing. I’m not feeling horrible about it, and I think he was a good person to kind of test straight sex out with, as now I feel like I’d be at least a little less anxious with someone I actually feel more attraction to. I did go on a date recently, with a guy, and I had the confidence to kiss him, which I basically never do with anyone, guy or girl. It’s a dead-end date, but it was nice to feel a little more sexually confident.

The second time we hooked up, I asked him in a really stressed out way what his deal was. I did eventually get him to say he was just interested in sex and had no romantic interest. That was a good thing for me mostly. I kind of wanted it to be more because I was sad and wanted to date, and also, I was kind of very vainly into this idea of him being really into me, but it’s honestly good that’s what he said, and that we got it out of the way early. I didn’t want to be taking advantage of him or feel taken advantage of.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told a few people. The strongest reaction was my friend who just felt. . .strange about it. Most people still think of me as a lesbian and he just didn’t get why I did it. Other people I’ve told, I’ve kept the details more vague, and they don’t even know who the person was.

Obviously the girl who handed us a condom knows and I’ve talked with her a little about it. The guy who also lives there knew through other channels. I’m sure the guys’s roommates also knew as he’d make moves on me while they were around and probably heard us on the other occasions.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? I’d say yes on both sides. Even though I was drunk the first time, it was something I had considered for a while. And after that time, we kept having sex sober.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? My feelings were mixed. I think good things came out of it, but I wish I had been more attracted to him. I also kind of wish my straight sex virginity could have been more meaningful too. I felt bad that I could do it with my friend but not the guy I actually liked that I had tried dating previously.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best thing was just learning that I like straight sex, honestly. Which if you had told me a few years prior, I would’ve been shocked by. I was really scared of it, which I think is part of the reason I identified as a lesbian. It also gave me a little confidence for whenever I get to a potential male partner I may like more.

The worst was that it wasn’t with someone I was more interested in, really. And I feel kind of trashy that it happened on my friend’s bathroom floor while we were both drunk. The later times were better.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? Despite my regrets, the other positive thing about doing it with this guy was that I could trust him. One of my great fears with guys is that they won’t get when I say no, or that they’ll end up controlling me. That first time, when I eventually told him to stop, he did respectfully. Part of the reason I chose him other than being an easy target was that when he had very explicitly hit on me before drunk, I was able to say no and he’d let it go.

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