[This is an unusual submission. I was debating whether to post it, but I think it provides an interesting perspective, so here it is – the hookup that never was.]

by Zero Night Stand

Gender: Male
Age: 39
Race/ethnicity: White
Location: Northeast US
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

lifelong monogamy is it worth itLost Youth

How long ago did this hookup happen? Never happened

This is just a place to vent some deep-seated feelings.

I am 40-something years old and met my wife when we were in our late teens. I have never been with anyone else, before or since.  It was apparent from pretty early on in our relationship that we were far apart in our attitudes toward sex and level of desire. But I was young, and she was my first and only. She still is. And there were other things in the relationship worth maintaining, and she was incredibly beautiful. Our gap in desire levels grew as our marriage progressed and the kids arrived (that’s probably a typical story).

We are still together, and are generally happy, but now I wonder whether I missed out and I even wonder whether a lifetime of perfect monogamy is too much to ask of anyone, particularly when there is a significant gap in desire. I suppose this is a story of commitment vs. freedom, or stability vs. novelty and excitement. But it’s also something more existential — is the price of monogamy  too high, such that we have to forfeit experiences and living a fuller life  in order to maintain fidelity? I’m not sure. What I do know is that it feels like a sacrifice often filled with frustration, and it often feels that different parts of me are in conflict. I don’t know how long it will continue.

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative

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