What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 44
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Portland, OR
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Personal Assistant
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 20 ish
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Mr. Lucky By Chance
How long ago did this hookup happen? 5 years
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We met online. I never liked to talk too much online before meeting someone that seemed to be a potentially good match. It felt like a waste of time to keep chatting without that face to face experience. In his case, I was also a little bored, so I jumped the gun. Basically, I had nothing else to do that Friday night. I wasn’t sure if I would like him at all. He wasn’t really my usual physical type. He was a moderately attractive, average height, height weight proportionate guy. We met at a Mexican restaurant for drinks and chips. To my surprise, the conversation was really good.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? He seemed safe and genuine. We had been discussing books and he had one that he was willing to loan to me. His place wasn’t far away, so I followed him there. When I got there, his house was nice. He gave me the book and offered me a glass of wine. We chatted a bit more and he made his moves. Lucky for him, I had not had sex in about four months, so every nerve in my body lit up.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? After just a little kissing and heavy petting, we moved up to his bedroom. He said that it would be more comfortable and there was no pressure to go all the way. We undressed down to our underwear and continued to explore each other’s bodies. There was a lot of kissing, touching and nuzzling involved.
I was pleased that his body was much firmer than I had expected. So, when he rubbed his face over my panties and asked to taste me, I said yes. We exchanged some very nice oral sex. After that we had maybe 45 minutes to an hour or sex. It was comfortable and fun. Like a good massage.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The reason that I rate the hook up as only a little satisfying was not because the act wasn’t really sexy and satisfying. After we were done, we lay there in his extremely comfortable bed just chatting. It was obvious to both of us that this wasn’t going to be a relationship starter. He started telling me about a hot chick that he had dated in high school.. He was maybe 42, I was 39. High school was ancient history, but he was still obsessed with this woman, now married with kids. It totally killed the whole experience. He texted me once after, but I never responded.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, IUD (Intrauterine device), Discussed STI testing history
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, I was feeling lonely, Making new friends, Boredom
How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told a few friends. They all groaned at his talking about the old girlfriend, but no one was judgemental.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? My only real regret was the end conversation. It was all good until then. I’m sharing this story to want people to be more careful about what they share after a hookup. It’s all a bit of fantasy and should stay that way.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The openning conversation was great, the sex was good and his bed was clean and comfortable.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The after talk! No ex-obsessions, please!
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Not really. I feel like I needed some human contact. For the most part, it was a good evening.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I think if two people are going to basically use each other for sex, they should leave the lifestories out of it. Just enjoy the company at present.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I had casual partners when I was younger and I have had several recently, it makes being single a lot happier. Casual partners don’t just expect sex, they work harder to earn it. Also, I enjoy the excitement behind an unplanned sexual encounter. I wish that annual STD screenings were the norm. We could really reduce the numbers of STDs very quickly if all adults were regularly screened. Then casual sex would be nothing but a nice experience.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I love this project! The more open we are about sex, the safer and more satisfying it will be!
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