What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 26
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? New York City
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Actor
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (open)
Religious affiliation: I don’t believe in god or anything supernatural. I don’t like the term atheist because of the negative connotations. And because if atheism is a religion, then off is a television station.
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Consensually non-monogamous, Dom/Sub switch hitter
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 30
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? first time
One-Night Stand in a Church
How long ago did this hookup happen? Four years ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Unattached, but having as much sex as was possible on rotation with three or four different people.
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? She was a year or three younger than me. We had never hooked up before. I’d known her less than two hours before we hooked up. She was white, about 5’4. I’m terrible at guessing weight. I’d say about 120 lbs. I met her at a fraternity party on my college campus. I’d only known her a short while, but from the moment we made eye contact I knew we were going to have sex.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We flirted at the fraternity house, but no physical contact was made until we were in the church.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Some background required: It was my final summer after graduating college. I’d been accepted to grad school and had easy classes my last semester. I was newly single and decided I was devoting the rest of the semester and summer to taking as many substances and having as much sex as possible. Earlier in the day, I’d taken a small amount of cocaine with a friend. While doing that, we were invited to take some MDMA before a party at my fraternity house. Went over, took the molly, smoked a little pot, and headed out.
I walked into the house and was handed a drink. As I took it, I looked across the room and made eye contact with this girl, who smiled. Maybe it was the molly, but I remember immediately thinking, “I’m gonna fuck her tonight.”
I don’t approach her. I’m standing around talking to some friends when I feel someone pinch my ass. I turn around to see that same girl walking away but looking over her shoulder smiling with “Come hither” eyes.
I went outside for a cigarette. She happened to be on the stoop as well. We were alone. We introduced ourselves, chatted and flirted for a while. The drugs made it hard to tell how much time had passed, but I’d say it was around an hour.
Across the street was a church, also a part of the campus (private Methodist college). I mentioned to her that it was always unlocked, sometimes we would use it when our plumbing was acting up. I also mentioned in the top tower there was a room with candles and pillows everywhere. It was called the meditation room. You were meant to go up there to read the Bible, pray, and contemplate. As she smiled, she looked from me to the church, to me again. Then she just started walking toward the church. I followed.
We walked in, walked up the stairs, took a look out at the vast sanctuary, then continued up to the room. We looked around. It was dark, but there was moonlight coming in the windows. We actually walked back down the stairs as if we were going to leave. When we got back to the part overlooking the sanctuary, I slowly moved towards her and we began kissing. We ran our hands along each others’ bodies. She ripped open my shirt. I said we should go back upstairs. She performed oral, I fingered her and kissed all over her legs and thighs. I said I needed to get a condom. She said she didn’t care. I said I did. I always had condoms wherever I went those days for situations just like this one. The sex itself was fairly normal. Nothing too kinky. The location was enough. I do remember that she yelled both “God” and “Jesus,” which I still don’t know if it was intentional. She was a good lover. Curvy and soft. Enthusiastic. I remember her pussy smelled sweet and clean.
I didn’t have any way to clean myself up, so I used my socks, which I accidentally left behind. After got dressed, we walked out of the church, arms around each other. The was a car our front that called to her that they were ready to go. I kissed her one more time, she gave me her number, and got in the car and drove away.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt awesome. I got in touch with her to say hello and that I had a great time. We texted a bit after that, but I’ve never seen her again. Talked about getting together again, but never did. I moved a month later.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have, Intoxication, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish, Cocaine, MDMA, ecstasy, molly
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? A lot of people over the years. Most common reactions were laughter, praise, and judgmental yet still laughing.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The church haha. I was raised in a religious home with a lot of sexual taboos. This was the best middle finger I could have imagined.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I have absolutely no complaints. I suppose I wish I could have lasted longer.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Somewhat. I became aware of my ability to dare to do the taboo.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I’m very sex positive. Casual sex has been a big part of my 20s. Sometimes awesome, sometimes not so much. Definitely more positive than negative. It’s clearly a big part of our society even if some try to ignore it. I am in a CNM committed relationship and I would like to see a society less inhibited and afraid of sex. Especially of women being sexually powerful and receiving pleasure.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? FUCKING. AWESOME.
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