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What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 40s
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? US
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Marketing
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 35
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Open/FWB/Distance

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 weeks

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We’d been friends with mutual crushes since high school but lived in different places pretty much since then. A few years ago he reached out to ask for support/advice as he was separating from his wife and knew I was divorced as well. I was well single at the time and happy to offer my experience and recommendations as I’d done for a number of people by then. I was looking for a new job at the time and he offered his thoughts on that. It was a mutually beneficial friendship.

As he transitioned out of his marriage we kept in close touch. I wasn’t seeing anyone, so I felt completely free to help when he needed a friend. There was a little flirting after a while but I wasn’t in a place to form any feelings. That summer he visited home (my city) and took me out to dinner as a thank you for my friendship. We made out a little at my house after, and I sent him home.

Throughout this time, he was interviewing with a big corporation in my city and was considering moving here for the opportunity with his children. Us dating looked like a possibility, but I wasn’t getting attached to the idea since his life was in such an unstable place. Nonetheless I did like the idea.

At a certain point the realities of divorce set in for him, and he contacted me to share what he was thinking. Moving was not practical, or good for him or his kids. He took the time to explain that to me and asked for my thoughts. I was moved by the honesty, straightforwardness and respect. I let it go easily, and it hurt only a small amount. A week later I called and asked if he’d be interested in an open thing, long-distance, no commitment. He agreed. We made some rules including telling the other if/when we start seeing someone we like. Not too long later I started a relationship and let him know. Three years on, that relationship ended, and this person and I caught up by phone and decided to resume our “arrangement”.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We were both invited to a gathering on a weekend when he’d be in town, so we decided to go together and get dinner first. When we left the gathering, we went to the apartment that he was borrowing from a family member for the night. He tried kissing me in the uber but I stopped him because I didn’t feel comfortable with the driver right there. I had been feeling powerful, primal desire for him all day however and couldn’t wait to be alone.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Foreplay (kissing and oral sex) was fairly minimal and he entered me firmly and deftly. He is very well endowed which felt very good, and I was impressed with his skill in fucking–excellent control of his movements, didn’t put his weight on me, never slapped bodies. I had an orgasm just from fucking, which is rare for me.

We were on and off all night. His tenor was dominant and in control, even playing with holding me down by the wrists during oral sex and seizing me firmly while fucking. After his second orgasm he wanted more immediately but I needed to rest for a couple hours. During that time he attacked me in his sleep repeatedly, which I thought was hot. Once I was ready he licked me again, then entered me in one confident thrust. I had my second orgasm. As he approached climax, he locked his body tight down around me firmly. I let him and he came. Then we slept again for a little while. As it got light, we started up again. I remarked on his surprising virility. I’d never fucked somebody to orgasm four times in a night before. He says his record was six. I believed him and still do.

During this session he was very focused on my face, holding it between his hands and looking me dead in the eye. I didn’t want to get too caught up in a deep connection since we wouldn’t be seeing each other again for a long time, so I kept my eyes closed for most of that. It stays with me though. In the morning we got breakfast together at his request.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? He asked me to join him at another gathering that night. I did, but I felt weird as soon as I got there. I’d been on cloud nine all day, but at this party he paid very little attention to me, even leaving me standing by myself without saying where he was going. I left after an hour.

The next morning he sent me a message that he was flying out, great to see you. I returned the sentiment. After that, his contact was slow and short. Everything about how we had previously talked to each other–the excitement, engagement, responsiveness, was gone. I tried to pick up text conversations many times and he’d respond only after several hours, often 12. It really stung. He’d never treated me like that before. It went against the spirit of our arrangement and our long friendship. I nailed him down to a phone conversation at last (almost two weeks after sex) and told him how I felt. He admitted to not prioritizing contact with me and said he was sorry for disappointing me. I told him that I wasn’t looking for an empty fuck, and if I’d known that was the deal I wouldn’t have slept with him. He said he wouldn’t have traded that weekend for anything. I didn’t return the sentiment.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) IUD (Intrauterine device)

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, To feel better about myself, To feel more confident

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Girlfriends. They were very enthusiastically supportive.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Somewhat

Why do you regret this hookup? Because he treated me dismissively after. If I’d known he would do that, I wouldn’t have gone to bed with him. I feel ashamed and as if I fell for the oldest trick in the book.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? His high virility, dominance and skill on intercourse. I would love to continue to have that in my life, though I do love foreplay too.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Barely hearing from someone I cared about, after.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. If I’m going to have casual sex, I need to be clear with myself about having no interest in the person first. With this person, I did and had every reason to believe it was mutual.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Fascinating! And I’m glad to have a place to tell this story.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!

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