What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 24
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Africa
What country and/or city do you live in? Cape Town
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Educator
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly gay/lesbian
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 9
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
I Probably Shouldn’t Have But I’m Glad I Did
How long ago did this hookup happen? 1 year
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Tall, long blonde hair. He is a musician, a pianist. I had just met him over Grindr that night. We met at his house, I hadn’t ever seen him until that night. I thought he was interesting, but not necessarily someone I’d want to have sex with. He smoked. We smoked weed together.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I walked to his place at around 2:30am, sneaking out of my parents house. We planned it that evening over Grindr. I was newly single and horny, and he was close by and relatively good looking. We both instigated? Or at least agreed to meet. I was very cautions and self conscious when we eventually met. I think I made up my mind not to have sex with him, but I allowed him to lead me to the bedroom anyway. I got into it, but it was strange because I’d been with my previous partner for so long, and this guy’s body felt so different. Firmer in some places, softer in others.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We went to his room and started making out. I didn’t see much because the lights were down and it was pretty dark and I didn’t have my glasses. He was coarse and rough, and tasted like smoke, which bothered me, but I had been smoking too so I thought it didn’t matter that much. As we kissed we undressed each other, though I think we both kept our shirts on? Or at least he did. Then he lay down on the bed and I lay on top of him. I was very horny and just closed my eyes and I did enjoy it. We kind of lost momentum and he asked me what I would like to do, but I was too shy to answer him – not that I wanted anything weird, but just because I am very self-conscious. He jacked me off and I did the same for him, and I went down on him a few times, which he seemed to enjoy. I was confused because he kept pushing me away to use his hand, but when I asked him if he was enjoying the blowjob he said, breathlessly, that it was great. I was on my knees and he was between my legs, and he sucked my cock and jacked me off. He said he wanted to see me cum and I said I wanted to, so he sucked me off until I came over his face. I don’t remember very distinctly, because it was so dark, but I clearly remember him smiling as I came. I went down on him, but he didn’t really tell me what he wanted, he just let me suck him for a bit and then kind of pushed my head down to his taint while he jacked off. I kind of lost track of how long we were in this position for, but he seemed content jacking off like this. He eventually came. I suspected he was a bit disappointed since the sex was maybe quite mediocre? – but then what do you expect from strangers who didn’t really talk before.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None
What were your motives for this hookup? Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel better about myself, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Marijuana, hashish
How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Nobody. I lied about it to the two people I confide in the most, because of the mix of shame and unease at having done it.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? I regret it because I feel that I have given up some sort of moral character that I had before by having sex with a stranger. Also, because I feel foolish for thinking that I could feel better about myself by having sex with someone, although it did temporarily relieve my loneliness.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I managed to live out one of my smaller fantasies of cumming on another guy’s face while I stand (kneel) over him.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The fact that I did it at all
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Casual sex: casual sex can be a good thing, but there is at least a modicum of proper communication that should happen before and after the hookup to makes sure everyone is on the same page as to expectations, likes, dislikes etc. If I had asked him what he likes it would have made the small talk better, made me anticipate the sex more and would have been good to get to know him a bit too.
Sexuality: Certain that I am gay
Myself: I proved to myself that I can ‘break the rules’ and have this kind of casual sex. I also proved to myself, afterwards, that I have a strong conscience and send of moral right and wrong.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex is treated as shocking and something to be avoided, but I think it should be embraced, though treated with respect and caution.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Great idea. Very therapeutic to type out my thoughts.
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