What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 24
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Washington DC
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Education
What’s your current relationship status? Quasi long distance relationship, maybe?
Religious affiliation: Retired Catholic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 8
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 1
PURE to DC
How long ago did this hookup happen? 1 day
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We met using the app PURE in New York. I had driven up from DC for a friend’s party for the weekend and I had some extra time, so I posted a picture of myself in an apron on the app. Sasha (not her real name, never the middle name) contacted me, and we started messaging. Her photo was a black and white photo of her smiling in a radio studio. We quickly exchanged numbers and moved off the app.
We texted each other so much. Soooo much. Right away, it was really clear that we were both into trying something sexual and physical. Also, we realized that we are weirdly similar.
Because of how PURE works, there was no pretense about dating, I think that’s why we were able to really honestly answer each other’s (many) questions about sex.
After a ton of talking, we talked about STI testing, and sent each other pictures of our recent tests. This was something I couldn’t imagine doing a few years before, but now I feel like I can be mature about sex in a new way.
Sasha wanted to be choked–not a dangerous amount, but enough so that she would really feel it. I wanted to be dominant–I had never bossed around someone before, both of us naked and so vulnerable, and I wanted to try it. She agreed, and I agreed, and we agreed to meet.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Meeting up in New York fell through, because her roommate was coming back sooner than expected (and Sasha told me she might want to be loud). However, Sasha said she’d be in DC two weeks later, for a friend’s birthday party. I told her she could stay with me the night before the party, and she gladly accepted.
In the meantime, we texted (not through PURE anymore, using normal text messaging) so much. A good amount of it was about sex, but mostly it was about what we were excited about in life. Our values matched up really well. We’re both really into community, for example.
Finally, the day came. We met at Union Station, hugged real tight, then took the metro back to my apartment. Once we got there, she put down her bag and told me to sit down on the couch. So I sat down on the couch. She sat on my lap, straddling me, and started carrying on a normal conversation, talking about her work, and the train ride down, and those sorts of things. I played along with her. After about five minutes of that, very slowly, so incredibly slowly, she takes my hand and guides it to her knee. Then up to her thigh. Then up to where I feel she is so wet, to the side of her underwear. She says: “It’s up to you now.”
I pull Sasha’s hair and pull her head in for our first kiss.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We kiss for so long, and she bites on my lower lip in a way I’ve never felt before. It’s sharp, and it hurts, but I like it so much and I want it to continue. It does.
I’m the one who’s taking our clothes off, mostly. Before each new thing I do, I ask her if it’s okay.
Is it okay to take off your shirt?
Is it okay if I touch your butt?
Is it okay if I take off your bra?
Is it okay to touch your breast?
Is it okay if I take off your skirt?
Is it okay if I take off your underwear?
Is it okay if I go down on you?
Each time, she looks at me with her big eyes and says yes.
She then takes off my clothes.
When I start going down on her, she’s on her back, and I’m working my way down to between her legs. She tells me it’s a little difficult for her to come without a toy, and I tell her that she doesn’t need to come, that that’s no problem if she doesn’t. I start sucking on her clit and massaging her thighs, and after a while, my jaw is sore but I feel that Sasha’s into it, so I keep going. She writhes and writhes and holds my head down onto her clit. Then she pulls me up to kiss her. I’m really hard at this point, just like I’ve been pretty much since I met her at the train station.
I’m curious, so I ask her:
Sasha, did you come?
She laughs and says yes. I laugh too, and tell her that I thought so, but that you can never know.
She starts going down on me for a bit. Then she looks up, with my penis right next to her face, and says these words with a confidence that I had never heard:
So: I agree. I grab a condom from my backpack, but she says that since we had discussed STI history, she is ready to have sex without a condom. Okay, I say. Okay.
This is my first time doing this without one.
She guides me into her body, and we go and we go and we go. We go from me on top to me behind to us laying on our sides and facing each other to Sasha on top. She has my wrists pinned back behind my head, and I writhe and tell her I’m coming, then a few seconds later, I do.
I’d never felt anything like that before. I’m really happy it happened with someone I trusted so much.
During the night and the next morning, we have sex twice more, each of us getting off each time.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We kept having sex after the night. She stayed with her friend the night of the birthday party, so I haven’t seen her after she left for the party the following day. However, we’ve continued to text a lot, and she’s thinking of moving down to DC, so it feels like we’re on track for some sort of open relationship. Either way, I’m so glad we met.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant, Discussed STI testing history, Exchanged recent STI test results
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? A friend or two of mine. It feels like in Sasha, I’ve met another version of myself, so that’s something I definitely had to tell my friends about. They were happy that I’ve met someone who I’m compatible with.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? We made eye contact so firmly.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? It only lasted a day.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I realize that if Sasha and I hadn’t already had sexual experiences with other people, we wouldn’t have been able to have such a good one together.
Due to my religious upbringing, I used to feel awful about the fact that my partners have had past sexual experiences. However, this experience made me realize that past experiences are normal. They’re a way to develop and grow.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Before I had casual sex, I used to have dreams where I felt awful about my body, but ever since having sex, I don’t have those bad dreams anymore.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I really like reading it, especially when people post their stories just after they’ve happened. I love picturing all those fresh details.
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