What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 27
What’s your race/ethnicity? Jewish
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? united states
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Sales
Religious affiliation: Jewish
How religious are you? Very
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Completely heterosexual. I find men very attractive, Women don’t turn me on at all. Still emotionally dealing with being bullied in middle school
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? I can’t remember how many if you include oral sex, but probably around 5
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? none
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was an ok looking Turkish American. We worked together at our on-campus job. I had heard a lot about his sexual and relationship history, and felt that he was a nice guy and a bit lonely, and was mildly attracted to him.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I had a big crush on his best friend and only later got up the nerve to tell him, and he had totally rejected me. We went out to a bar and got drunk and I kissed the friend of his I was interested in, and nothing came of it. I then kissed him and went to bed with him.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Small amount of oral sex. I hadn’t had sex for over a year and it was painful, which made it difficult and awkward.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I don’t know why I stayed the night. He hinted that I should go home, and then we went to bed and he kept the blanket and I was so cold and uncomfortable and depressed and couldn’t sleep. At dawn I packed up and walked home. It was awful. I wanted to be liberal and was very lonely. I was insecure that I had only slept with one man in my life, my ex boyfriend who I had dated long distance for two years, who was ten years older than me and who I had been in love with but who I couldn’t see a future with. I wanted to be independent and sexually liberated, but even more so I wanted someone I could love and marry and spend the rest of my life with. I am a very modern and very spiritual Jew, and I think that I was trying to work through all of those issues, plus the depression and eating disorder I had developed after the trauma of being relentlessly bullied in middle school. I was 22 and the guy was 20 and much more sexually experienced than I was, but was still getting being dumped for his fiance.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, I was feeling lonely, Everyone else was/is doing it
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I spoke with my roommate who was disgusted by him. I felt very rejected and very alone. I slowly shared bits of it with friends, who were amazed.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? I think that when I look at it objectively, it is good I had this sexual experience. I needed it to grow and become more mature. I have had one other regretful hookup in my life, but other than that I have been blessed with two loving and long term partners, one of whom I am married to now.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Allowed me to have had sex and to better understand myself sexually.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I still was very depressed after this.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It reaffirmed to me that what I really want is sex within a loving relationship, that I am not self confident enough for casual sex.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? He was younger than me but mildly attractive. There were things about him I didn’t find attractive. We were friends had a group of friends who we shared at work. His fraternity and my sorority were pretty closely aligned.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I can’t really speak for other people. I think that each person is different. I also feel that sex within a loving or at least trusting relationship is the ideal and the safest. I hate casual sex for myself, but I acknowledge that not everyone is like me. I will fantasize about casual sex alone and with my partner, but I am glad that god-willing I will never need to have it with anyone for the rest of my life, I acknowledge that not everyone is as lucky as I am. I also feel grateful that I am a fairly “normal” (whatever that means) woman sexually, because it would be awful if my meaningful relationship wasn’t accepted by society.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Very important. I have only read two submissions, but they were both incredibly positive casual sex experiences, so I wonder if I am a minority with my negative experience.
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