What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 22
What’s your race/ethnicity? Hispanic / Latino/a
What continent do you live on? South America
What country and/or city do you live in? Colombia
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Law student
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Queer
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 9
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 months ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was a tall man, also latino and colombian (kinda white-ish actually), well-built with long, light brown hair. He looked cool, wore a leather jacket, like someone from the music industry. I didn’t know him at all before we hooked up (only once, and I never saw him again). We met at a hostel near my house, where they bring good bands to play every once in a while. I was having a coctel with a friend, and while I accompanied her to the bathroom and sat outside the door, he randomly smiled at me and we immediately started talking. Before the hookup, I thought he was very interesting and attractive.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Almost immediately after we started speaking, he started flirting. He went out the bar/hostel and had a conversation while smoking, and started to involve some physical contact, a little hand or shoulder touch, flirty comments, a hand through his hair (also through mine). We went back to the hostel, started dancing, and physical contact became more frequent and sexual: legs, back, butt, and so on. Eventually we started kissing. I think he instigated the first few touches, but we both continued with it almost equally. It wasn’t at all planned (condoms had to be bought).
When the music stopped (bars close at 3am), we went to his music studio a couple of blocks from the hostel, with some other people, but we locked ourselves, just the two of us, in a soundproof room with some musical instruments. And that’s where it all began.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Definitely some heterosexual sex (vagina-penis as usual) and oral for both of us. We tried some anal, but I stopped because I didn’t fell comfortable enough to go through with it. I felt absolutely awesome, I had been sooo horny for a while and needed to blow off some steam, and was surprised at how easy it was to have sex with a random person. He behaved very decently, nothing was forced and I felt completely conscious during the whole hook up, even though I was definitely drunk. There was one sexual position he didn’t ask me to do, and he just moved me and said I’ll feel more pleasure; even though he was right, this is something very usual for MEN to do here (or in general, I don’t know), where they just move you to change positions without asking, killing whatever momentum was built, that was probably leading to an orgasm with some patience, but they just feel bored or stuck in a position and need to change in order FOR THEM to feel more pleasure or have a better orgasm. Despite that, he was a good lover, knew where to touch, what to do, and that confidence helps with sexual arousal.
We mostly talked about me being a law student and his work as a musician and a musical producer. He showed me some if his band’s work.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the hookup we sat down on a couch and watched the sun rise. Nothing romantic, I was just waiting for the day to start so I could walk home. I felt very good the next day, a lot more relaxed and confident about myself, my flirting skills, and my body. I didn’t have any expectations with the guy, I didn’t really need them, even though he added me on Facebook and asked whether I’ll see him next week. I started the conversation via chat, he replied but we never arranged to meet again. Sometimes he appears on my newsfeed, I like his posts but I don’t really expect anything more to happen. He’s 30 and I’m 22, he’s probably looking for a serious, long-term relationship, and I’m not.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Condoms, Discussed STI testing history, Plan B / Emergency contraception
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, Making new friends, Boredom, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I talked about it with my girl friend, the one I was with that night. She reacted very enthusiastically and approving, specially because she also got to hook up with a friend of hers.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How easy and flowy it was. Two people feeling attracted to each other, and going through it solely because they wanted to.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Some carelessness with the use of condoms. I took a post-day pill to prevent any pregnancy.
AND the fact that he added me on fb and told me he wanted to meet again, only to never follow through. He shouldn’t have said anything and I would’ve been more unconcerned about talking to him in the future.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes, It made me feel more confident and helped me with my self esteem. I now think that casual sex is easy to get, even living in a pretty conservative country.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? It’s okay, thanks 🙂
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think women in general have been denied the pleasure to sleep with whoever they want, whenever they want, for whatever reason they have (or without any reason at all) and that casual sex is still seen as a negative, shameful thing in my society. Even though men are encouraged to do so, without caring if a woman may not be able to fully consent. It is actually a thing to get a woman drunk to fuck her.
Sex is still seen as something private and sensitive for women, and it must have a reason to be accepted. Whether it is to produce children or have a meaningful connection with your long-term partner, sex for a woman can’t happen just because she’s horny or feels like it.
I would definitely not tell anyone besides my best friend about a casual sex experience, specially because people tend to be ridiculously judgmental. I would hate if a guy rejects me for the number of sexual partners I’ve had.
I’d love to live in a more liberalized society, but I guess it just takes time and a less religious generation.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? it’s an excellent iniciative, I took my time to answer this because I want to help however I can!
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!