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What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 26
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? New York
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Actor
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (open)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 31
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? one

Summer Night in Hamilton Heights

How long ago did this hookup happen? 9 months ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (open)

How would you best classify this hookup? No hookup

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a year

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? My fiance, M, and her friend S. I’d been engaged for a month, together for more than a year. I knew S for less than a year. M introduced me to S. I liked her a lot as a person and enjoyed long talks with her, which we sometimes had to opportunity to have.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I was working at a restaurant/bar in Manhattan. M and S had gotten together earlier in the evening before they came to my restaurant. Right before they walked in, I was told I could get off work early. I finished up and sat down with them for a drink. The talk came around to sex, openness, the need to experiment, etc. I’m not sure it was instigated by anyone person, but there was a vibe in the air. At one point, M asked me if I wanted a three way with her and S and of course I laughed and said, “Of course.”

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? When we got back to S’s apartment, her roommate/new fuck buddy/ future serious boyfriend was there with some friends. We all hung out until M, S, and I went out on to the fire escape for some air. We talked more. We drank more. We smoked cigarettes. I don’t remember how it happened, but somehow the conversation came back to sex. We all talked some more, until it turned steamy. M looked at me and said something to the effect of “Give us some privacy.” I went back inside and joined the other people watching Netflix. After a few minutes, one of the guys had gotten up and walked past the window. He came back saying, “Hey they are really making out hard.” In order to help continue their privacy, I decided to go sit with my back to the window so no one else could exit or see them. I heard lots of moaning and pleasure sounds. It seemed to go on forever. After some time, thinking they were finished, I crept back out onto the fire escape and lit a cigarette. Not sensing my presence, they started up again. I just watched and listened. It was so exciting to see my fiance take control and enjoy and pleasure another woman. After some time, M turned and saw me. She kissed me and said, “What are you waiting for?” I took this as a cue to go for S myself. M left the fire escape. I talked to S, who was pretty dazed, for a moment before her kind of boyfriend stuck his head through the window, clearly not pleased and suspicious.

Then S said she needed the bathroom. She and M spent nearly half an hour in the bathroom collectively puking. We put S in bed and said goodnight.

M and I went outside to get a cab. I asked how it made her feel. She said, “Powerful.”

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? There was some awkward silence for a bit after. Eventually, S squared everything with her would be boyfriend and they are still together today. M and I will be married this summer and S is in charge of hair and makeup. She is still a dear friend of ours.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, No penetrative sex happened

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Intoxication, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it

How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Just my fiance.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Do you regret this hookup? A little bit

Why do you regret this hookup? I just wish there had been more (sober) communication with everyone involved. Then it may have turned out better, but still no harm done.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The conversations that followed and knowing I was ok seeing my fiance with another person.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Initial awkwardness.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? no

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I’m a big supporter.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Keep doing excellent work!

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!

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