What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 29
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 17
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
SWF Seeking Sexual Degradation
How long ago did this hookup happen? 1.5 yrs
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I had been cheated on, and not just an “oops” drunken night, but a full on separate relationship with another girl. How did I find out? I was browsing his computer for a gift to give to him for Christmas and found pictures, videos, and messages. These were not PG items, they were R…no, they were XXX. Bondage, anal, whips, slapping. This had been going on for almost a year. I was no prude, but this girl was definitely giving my boyfriend of four years something I was unwilling to. I kicked him out immediately. I felt sorry for myself for about a month, and then I realized I needed someone else to help me get over him. When all the bars in our small town didn’t provide, I turned to Tinder. When I first saw Scott, I immediately swiped right – something I rarely do with absolute confidence. I thought he was incredibly sexy with the edge of a bad boy. He had multiple tattoos, was physically fit, and obviously was a risk taker from his pictures. There was something about him, even on a cheesy app, that made me melt – not in a romantic way, but in an “I want to get fucked hard by you” kind of way. We chatted for a few days with a lot of winky-face emojis, and then he asked me to send pictures. I immediately assumed he meant nude, and I wasn’t going to get used yet again so I stood my ground and told him off. He replied that he was only asking for a clear picture of me since all of my profile pictures were with other people. I immediately felt stupid and apologized. He promptly told me I was a man hater and I agreed that I was indeed jaded. We didn’t speak for a few days, and then he texted me out of the blue to say he wanted to give me a second chance. I was pleased but a little offended by the wording, like I was already the bad guy before we had even met face to face. Little by little, throughout our interactions together he insisted his superiority, but he was sexy enough that I ignored it. We met for our first date at a popular surf break to watch the huge swell. I brought a bottle of wine, he brought a joint. He talked about himself the entire time. I was desperate for any male attention so I didn’t let my annoyance take over. The date ended and we said our goodbyes with a hug. For some unknown asinine reason I still wanted more of him.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? He texted me about an hour after the date to see if I wanted to hang out again. I, feeling sexually bold, and still slightly annoyed, asked him, “What do you want?” In a suggestive way, he said, “I want another chance to see your lacy red panties.” I paused, alarmed and immediately turned on. Had he seen them somehow? He replied, ” When you stood up, you flashed your red panties and I could see your tight little pussy lips.” I was instantly wet. I couldn’t help myself. We continued sexting for the next week, at work, out with friends, driving…I couldn’t stop. I was addicted to the filthy things he said he wanted to do to me. He kept asking to meet up and I kept making up excuses why I couldn’t. Finally I gave in. This time we met in a park by the ocean. He brought cheese, crackers and chocolate. I brought champagne. He laid out the blanket and we had a picnic, awkwardly not talking about all of the dirty exchanges we had had electronically. About half way through the bottle of champagne, his hand started to travel up my legs. I was wearing the same shorts that I had accidentally exposed myself in from our last date. Effortlessly, his fingers slipped inside of me and I melted even more. Oh my god, how did he make that feel so good? Was it all of the buildup to this moment, or was it the fact that we were in a park at dusk filled with fellow sunset watchers emerging from their perches. Part of me wanted to stop him, this was a small town after all, I didn’t want to be seen. But the other part of me in pure ecstasy ruled.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? As it became darker, things escalated. The thought entered my mind to invite him back to my place, only a few miles away, but the thrill of being in public was so incredibly hot. I gave him head. Oh my god, it was huge. Holy fuck, I hit the jackpot. He shoved my head down. I choked. I liked it. He let me come up for air, I put my hand on top of his and made him push my head back down. I asked him if he has a condom, he said no. I made a feeble attempt to stop, but I didn’t really want to. He pushed his cock inside of me, completely filling me up and stretching out my pussy. I was in heaven. My ex had a toy dick compared to this guy. He started fingering my asshole and then fucked me in my ass. I had never felt so good. Everywhere. He choked me and pulled me hair. He called me his dirty fucking whore. I loved it. I would have never let my ex speak to me like that. it felt good to be used. I wanted to feel like I could offer someone all of their dirtiest fantasies; like the girl who stole my boyfriend. When it ended I realized I was facedown in the dirt and smiling. He had fucked me so hard we ended up several feet from the blanket. We got dressed and walked to our cars. I drove myself home. A few days later he sent me a text, “Do you know how to cook?” “I like to think I do,” was my response. “Do you want to make me lunch and gag yourself on my cock?” How charming, I thought in disgust. I told him I had cold pizza and sent him my address. He showed up 20 minutes later. 10 minutes after that I was down on my knees getting my throat pounded, with slobber running down my chest. It was love/hate. What was I doing? This wasn’t me. But he fucking loved it. We kept going. He came, literally down my throat. After he finished he let my head go and I could finally breathe again. I tell him I want to cum too. He asked if I have a vibrator and made me play with myself. I oblige. He ate and watched me. When he was done eating he fucked me in my living room. 10 minutes later, he was gone.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Our sexual encounters continued like this for several weeks. I started pushing for more, asking if he wants to come over and watch a movie, or go grab a drink. I realized we have never been in public together before. He turned me down repeatedly, telling me I am so sweet, and it sounded nice, but he is just so tired etc. Well, one night I caught him in a lie. He said he was at home, and when I showed up to the bar with my replacement date, he was there at the corner of the bar having a beer by himself. I said hello and gave him a hug. I felt worse than I did in the beginning. This was not how I was supposed to feel. I wasn’t supposed to have emotions. This was me getting over my ex. This was me being a sexually empowered woman. This was me taking abuse because that what I felt like I deserved. No one will ever love me. I am a single use serving.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Submission / Relinquishing power, Revenge / Getting even
How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one. No one ever met him, and I told my friends very little about him.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? Getting emotionally involved and fooling myself this was more than just sex when it was very clearly just sex.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I was so turned on by him from the beginning. It was hot and dirty.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I thought it would make me feel better, but it really confused things and made me feel a lot worse.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It took me a long time to accept myself as someone worthy of more than just sex. This hook up I combination with my ex really took a toll on my self worth. I thought until recently my self worth lied within my sexuality,
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think causal sex is natural and normal. And it can be healthy, as long as all people involved are clear about expectations.
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