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What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 36
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? San Francisco, CA
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Buisness Owner
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 42
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
Taking a Guy Home
How long ago did this hookup happen? A Year and a Half or so
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Carl (not his real name) was a tall, fit, muscular Latin man with light brown skin and dark hair. He was in his late twenties. He came up to me at the bar that night and I felt an instant attraction to him.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I had gone to dinner with a few clients and then after they had left moved to the bar. I feel some background is important here. I am what is call an Alpha Female. What that means is I am a successful, driven woman who is outgoing, competitive, impatient, and ambitious and I like to be in control. Men find me intimidating and off-putting and women have a hard time with the work hours and I am not someone with a lot of free time.
What that means is that it had been several years since my last relationship. However there are few things in life I enjoy more than sex and I also find good sex very relaxing. I had an arrangement for sex as needed with a neighbor but that had ended a few months prior. That night found me at the right combination of lonely and horny and I had gone to the bar looking to get laid. I had chatted up the waitress at dinner a little bit but she wasn’t interested.
Two other guys had approached me at the bar and feeling nothing I had shot them down. I am bi and not overly picky about the gender of my partners but I do prefer someone considered attractive by societal norms. Carlos was third and I felt an instant attraction to him. He bought me a drink and made a comment about how he liked my hair and how he had never been with a ginger before and another about how he liked by chest. I admired the directness and not one for a lot of pretense I asked him back to my place.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We made out a bit and I let him undress me. He played with my boobs a bit and sucked on them before turning me around and entering me from behind. Personally I am not a big fan of doggie and don’t usually let men fuck me in this way since I like to be in control. Still it felt good to have someone inside me again so I went with it. He put his hands on my waist and trust into me and kept reaching around to grab my boobs. He finished and we both fell asleep after.
Second time we went was a few hours later. I had woken up and started stroking him a bit until he was hard enough it was easy for me to mount. I like being on top and am turned on by it and he felt me through the whole thing and grabbed my boobs a lot again. He told me after I got pretty loud and I rode him until I came.
In the morning before he left I talked him into going down on me. He was good at oral, nothing spectacular, but he made it take a while as he licked me with his tongue and I came again. I would say he was eager and enthusiastic the whole night and a good partner. We didn’t really talk much. I prefer my own bed and house so it’s easy for me to run a man off when I am done with them and that’s what I did. However we did swap numbers.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next day i felt really good, happy and relaxed since my need had been met. Carlos actually became a regular partner for a few months. I would typically call him one or two nights a week when i was horny and he would sometimes call me but typically I initated. It never moved beyond a booty call and we didn’t spend much time together otuside of the bedroom, my livingroom, my hottub, and the back seat of my car one time. I broke things off with him when i started dating my current girlfriend about six months later.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Boredom
How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Marijuana, hashish
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but didn’t give a ‘no’
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Told one friend who is married and i think she was a bit jelous as her husband hadn’t been showing much interest
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I would say it was finding a regular partner again even if there wasn’t much emotion involved
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Nothing really too bad, but same as above this was another emotionless sex-only relationship that i was in.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? What I would say here was what i realized after. That i was sick of emotionless sex only relationships and using people like Carlos to avoid any kind of emotional connection. Could Carlos have been boyfriend material? I don’t know.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I would say no
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? It’s a big part of my life and the dating game is a big part of society. Not sure i would like to see anything change in that regard but maybe that people could be a bit more accepting of women being the one to initiate and go after partners.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s really interesting and I think I have some things to add
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