What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 20
What’s your race/ethnicity? Black
What continent do you live on? Africa
What country and/or city do you live in? Kenya
Highest education received: High school diploma
What’s your occupation? Student at College
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Pansexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? N/A
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 8
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Tinderella and the Glass Slipper.
How long ago did this hookup happen? 1 year ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Dating casually
How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was quite an eccentric man, twelve years my senior, who I had recently matched with on Tinder. We had been chatting frequently. I finally got the balls to meet with him in real life, and so we met for cocktails. I was very intrigued by him, because our ‘weird’ personalities seemed to match beautifully.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? So, throughout our online correspondence, some sexual tension began to build up. I made it pretty obvious once I got comfortable enough with him what my expectations were by sending a few risque pictures his way. He expressed that he was on the same page. This was all sealed by a couple of condom jokes made over our cocktails. No true planning went into it exactly. I mean, I shaved my legs and got a brazilian just to be on the safe side. After we were done with our drinks, we took a walk outside as I smoked a cigarette and he leaned over and kissed me. It was not disappointing and so after some more kissing, I got an Uber and invited him over to my dorm room.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We got to my room. The clothes came off. He led me to the bed and began exploring my body with his hands and his tongue. Contrary to both our habits, we proceeded to have vaginal sex. I wasn’t as anxious or shy as I thought I’d be. Several orgasms later, he pulled out and I finished him off with some oral. I’m relatively kinky (info I had equipped him with in advance) so some of what we dubbed ‘light BDSM’ took place. He was great, relaxed and so confident, and that made me feel great, relaxed and confident too. We listened to some Nirvana and proceeded to round two!
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? He spent the night. Called a cab for him in the morning and had a nice laugh before he went. Not as awkward as expected. I wasn’t looking for a monogamous relationship at the time, and neither was he, so we settled into this really great dynamic where we were like great pals who banged each other. We even consulted each other on changes we wanted to make to our Tinder profiles. We still talk and meet up. Most things have stayed the same, with the exception of knocking sex out of the equation at the moment because I have a boyfriend now and I’m giving this monogamy thing a shot.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Discussed STI testing history
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Making new friends
How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? A few of my close friends. No one had any particular strong reaction. Mostly glad that I had a great time. Not ultimately surprised as I was in a Polyamorous relationship.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I gained a great friend, and had a very pleasurable time!
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Well, I had to play nice and share my pillows. I’m a pillow hog and sleep with 3-5 of them.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. Before this hookup, as a product of my social conditioning, I felt like strings always had to be attached to sex… Like as a woman, sex was only meant to be shared with someone you were romantically entangled with. This hookup showed me that female sexuality exists and is just as powerful as male sexuality, that my pleasure should be prioritized, and that just because I am not in a romantic relationship, or my partners are not available (my two romantic partners were abroad at the time) doesn’t mean I have to suppress and sacrifice my sexual needs.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex has been paramount to my self-discovery. Through my various casual experiences, I’ve gotten to experiment and therefore learn what I like, what I don’t like, the characteristics I’d love or hate in a mate. It’s helped boost my confidence at times. As a person constantly fighting against the negative norms constructed by society, casual sex has been one of the most freeing things I have done. Because sex is still so very conservative and taboo culturally in my country, going ahead and violating what is expected of me in pursuit of living my most authenticate self is truly liberating. It’s like a giant “F**** You!”.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s pretty awesome, and such a great platform because sex really needs to be talked about freely and stop being so taboo.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!