What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 24
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Copenhagen (but originally from a different country, just studying here)
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (currently pursuing)
What’s your occupation? Student
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 11
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? A week ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met him on Tinder as all the other dates/hookups I have had. He was a little bit shorter than me, quite thin, with brown hair and brown eyes. Very hairy as a Turkish dude (but white) so he apparently had shaved his legs. Very cute dimples.
I had a feeling before our date that we wouldn’t be a good match and that this definitely would not result in anything serious. We had been chatting for more 2 weeks before and he seemed very full of himself and a little bit arrogant. The typical 24 year old who thinks they know everything and loves talking about themselves.
The obvious question of course is – then why the hell did you even meet him? Good one, I don’t know. Probably the usual hope that maaaaaaybe he won’t be a dick. That he just made a bad impression, that’s all.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Because there were no more trains running, I had to invite him back to my place so he wouldn’t literally end up on the street. We had to walk all the way back (like 45 minutes max) so we got home at 2:30. It was quite obvious what would happen, I think. It started the usual way – with us laying in bed for a while and then getting closer and closer. And then we started kissing and from then on it escalated very quickly. Not as slow as I would have liked it.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? No anal, no kinky stuff. No oral either from his side which was a HUGE disappointment to me. I can’t come any other way and I distrust men who don’t go down on their ladies but enjoy having a BJ. To me that’s a big red flag and pretty much a dealbreaker.
He couldn’t come at all, not even when I went down on him. So we tried several times and since he had a big (like porn size) dick it was fun for a while but eventually it felt not so nice for me because of all the rubbing. The next morning I felt all sore and not in a kinky sort of way.
Also, he wasn’t very good in general because there wasn’t much action going on apart from his dick being rammed into me all the time. Very little kissing, playing around with nipples etc. That guy had seriously low imagination. I only came because I masturbated and he was licking my nipples at the same time.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? No
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I regret having a hookup but not with him specifically. I just want a serious relationship really but I keep having these hookups because I also want to have sex every once in a while. But casual sex just isn’t as satistifying as the sex I had with my ex. It doesn’t even come close.
I was disappointed in that sense that he told me that he is SO good with oral. So obviously I thought that I would get one hellava good sex that night. And nope, it was all finger play and lousy for that matter. Like, I told him afterwards that I don’t like when you change the rythm, to which he replied ”oh but all other girls love that”. Which kinda says it all.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Intoxication, To feel better about myself
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? To my friends, as I usually do after my hookups. They are very supporting and never judge. But they did think he was strange, especially when I told them what he said to me – that even in his year long relationship he never came. And that he jacks off to porn twice a day. So we all think that he might be addicted to porn.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Somewhat
Why do you regret this hookup? Because I should stop having so many hookups in general. And just wait till I find someone serious, then the sex will also be better.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? His big dick, I guess. It is nice having sex with someone that big. I just wish he was more skilled in other areas.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That I gave him that stupid blowjob even though he totally didn’t deserve it. I love performing oral but not when a guy is some weirdo who doesn’t like giving head. So I feel a little bit used now.
Ladies, if a guy doesn’t like to smother his face with your pussy, then you shouldn’t let his dick come anywhere near your mouth either. That’s just basic equality.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No, not really. I still think it’s totally okay to do it and also not to do it, if it ain’t your thing.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I felt like he didn’t pay much attention to me, if I liked what he was doing etc. Like, focusing only himself. Which is not great.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I feel like there is a lot more pressure to have sex now and, also, to be open about it. I am not sure if my parents (who come from Eastern Europe) experienced something like that.
I don’t think that there is anything wrong with having hookups. When I started doing it, I felt very empowered and desirable, that the men really wanted me. For someone who felt like an ugly duckling their whole life and lost virginity at a very late age, this was a huge thing.
Now I feel slightly different because I have finally understood that just because a guy wants to fuck you, doesn’t mean that he will value you as a person. So now I do casual sex simply because I get horny and I want to get laid. And I try not to feel bad about it afterwards That’s it. A more serious relationship is what I really want though.
In general, I tend to feel some shame afterwards sometimes because I feel that I gave ”in” too quickly (like first date). And I know this is very un-feminist of me, a very backwards thinking. But I still feel like that some of the guys turned out to be such assholes because I had sex with them on the first date and they lost respect for me. Which is such sexist bullshit, I know, but you can’t grow up in a patriarchal society and not absorb some of the toxic views, you know?
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s a great way how to get data about casual sex encounters as it would be quite tricky doing real, REAL research about it. I just hope that all sexualities, genders, ethnicities etc. are equally well represented.
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