What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 22
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Philadelphia
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Artist
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 4
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
I Wish I Would’ve Known Better
How long ago did this hookup happen? One year
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a year
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was fascinating, muscular, and intelligent. He was very attractive, both in face and body. We met at a farmer’s market, we both love nature and things that grow. I loved hearing him talk, there was a lot from him that I wanted to learn. He was the kind of man to have a presence when he walked into a room. I was attracted to him from when we first met. We hung out from time to time, he’d show me places in the city I hadn’t seen yet. It wasn’t long before I told him I liked him, he said he wasn’t interested but we continued to be friends.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We had been hanging out frequently. He invited me over to cook dinner together. He had roommates so we went to his room,and he showed me his music and his art. It started to rain, and it got late. I lived a ways away from his place, so I asked if I could stay over. He said OK but made a joke about the small bed and that he might roll over to me during the night. I said I didn’t mind. We watched a movie on his laptop on his bed, he was right next to me. I don’t remember much about the movie, I don’t think I understood it. We didn’t watch the whole thing, we started talking. I forget exactly what happened, maybe he made a move and I rejected him. He asked why; I said I liked him and I had told him that a long time ago, and the last I heard, the attraction was not mutual. He said he was confused, and asked why I liked to be close to him if we weren’t physical. I said I was attracted to him but I didn’t want to get physically involved unless we were together, and that I didn’t mind just being friends. He said maybe he did like me, that I was the one saying no. I wasn’t sure, I still didn’t want to kiss him. We went back and forth about it for a little while. I don’t remember exactly how it came about, but eventually he laid on his back and let out a huge sigh, and still was complaining. He asked why I stayed over if I wasn’t going to. Finally my resolution had worn down, I put my face close to his and he kissed me. We made out for a little while, eventually I had enough and told him to stop. We started to argue again. He asked why I got him started if I didn’t want to go all the way. I offered to go home. By this time it was very late at night, and I was so tired. Eventually I said fine.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Missionary position, vaginal, vanilla sex. I remember feeling his abs. I faked enjoying it just so it’d be over quicker. I tried to enjoy it, but I wasn’t into it. I was so tired. That’s all I remember.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? He had to go to work early. We left without breakfast. He kissed me goodbye and promised to text me. I guess I still hoped something more would happen.
I saw him again once after that. We went to dinner close to my house. He rode his bike, then said his bike lock wasn’t working. I said I could put it in my hall, but it was open to my neighbors and he said he didn’t trust them. I said I knew them both, they were fine. I didn’t want him in my apartment, I said so. It was messy, I didn’t expect him to come in. He insisted. I said fine, I’d lock the bike in there but I didn’t want him to go in. He said OK and we went to dinner. After dinner we went to get the bike, and I still didn’t want him to come in. He did. We started kissing on my bed, eventually I told him to stop. He said, “Again?” We argued for a little while, but I was done. I wasn’t attracted at all anymore. He sat on the end of my bed for a long time, I had nothing to say anymore. There was a long silence. Eventually he left. I never saw him again. I deeply regret the whole experience. I wish we had never met. I don’t wish ill on him but I also don’t wish to see him ever again. I hate him a little bit.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, I was feeling lonely, Didn’t want to disappoint my partner, I didn’t want it but was unable to stop it
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? A little bit
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? No at first, eventually I gave in.
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I never told anyone.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Very much
Why do you regret this hookup? I feel that he lied to me and did not respect me. I guess I didn’t know better at the time but I do now. I regret not standing up for myself more, I should have fought harder.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? He did have a nice body.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I’m not sure it was entirely consensual.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I am not likely to have sex again outside of a trusting, committed relationship.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I have been socially conditioned to believe it’s a bad idea, but I’m not entirely convinced. Besides the concerns of STIs and unwanted pregnancies, maybe it’s not bad for everyone. It’s none of my business what other people do. I think there should be better education and less stigma about practicing safe sex. I think in general people should be able to talk more about it freely in an effort to do so in a more healthy manner instead of it being a taboo. Not talking about it perpetuates avoidable mistakes.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s an interesting thing to research. I never thought about researching it before but I’m glad somebody did. I’m interested in what other’s have experienced in order to better understand my own experience.
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