What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 28
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Minneapolis
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Hotel Manager
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 10
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? Yesterday
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met him at work and instantly had a connection. This was three years ago. He’s tall and strong and we’ve been friends with benefits for about 3 or 4 months. We started this whole thing with being very clear that “this is just sex and neither of us are interested in more”. But I think things are changing for me. I don’t know if I’m actually “good” at the “friends with benefits” thing.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We were originally going to go out for drinks but the roads were really bad and I know he likes to be safe, so he just came over to my place. The plan was to watch a movie… but we know that’s never the only thing that happens so I don’t know why we fool ourselves! This was not a planned hook up and to be honest… neither of us were in the mood until we were hanging out on the couch and getting cozy.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? This was one of our quicker hook ups, and I was actually totally ok with that! I got pretty turned on pretty quickly and so did he. He started off with playing with my breasts (which I LOVE) and stimulating my nipples which he knows gets me going. He likes to do this while he tells me to focus on something else…like the TV. I’m not allowed to get distracted, but eventually I give in. It’s really fun and builds up a good tension. Then we made out a little bit and started taking each other’s clothes off. We didn’t spend a lot of time on foreplay this time around (which is different than other hookups with him…he’s VERY generous with the foreplay! But neither of us needed it this time). We got naked and had sex on the couch. He was (as he always is) very sweet and loving. This time around he was a little more selfish and focused on his own finish, but this is not typical. He apologized after and I just sort of laughed it off. He said he’ll make it up to me in the future and I have no doubt.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We ended up sitting on the couch chatting for a while which is not unusual. Then went out for dinner, which is quite unusual. He ended up paying for dinner as well… which is also unusual. Overall though, I felt good about the experience. It was fun and I always have a good time with him before, during, and after hook ups. However, again, I think things are changing on my end and I don’t think I want to continue the casual hook ups. It’s so hard to say out loud though. Because they are fun.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant, Discussed STI testing history
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I haven’t shared this with anyone really. Most of my friends are from work and we aren’t advertising this!
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The time we sat around chatting before and after. Plus it felt nice. 🙂
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Umm…. I guess the clean up? And the desire for more on my end but being too scared to ask for more than just casual sex…
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think casual sex has its place and if people enter into it with honesty it helps to prevent unrealistic expectations which easily lead to people feeling used or betrayed. Even though I want more from this “friend with benefits”, I don’t expect him to treat me like a girlfriend or even someone he is dating because we set clear expectations at the outset. Those expectations don’t mean things can’t change, but they mean I know what to expect and need to clearly communicate if I want something different. I think, in general, our society is really bad at communicating what we want and need for fear of rejection or judgment. I think casual sex would be less of a problem if we knew ourselves better and could communicate clearly about our desires.
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