What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 40
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Colorado
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Sales
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 6
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
15 year married co-workers finally break the friendship barrier
How long ago did this hookup happen? 4 months ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
How would you best classify this hookup? Bad one-night decision that has become something positive and rewarding
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I’ve known him for 15 years. We met through work and quickly became great friends. Admittedly we’ve been having an emotional affair of sorts over the past 5-7 years and while we’ve hugged and even kissed each other a few times (including 3 hard/heavy makeout sessions), we’ve mostly not crossed that line of real infidelity. He’s a 39 y/o tall white male, does a lot of mountain biking so he has amazing legs, is a very good man and hard worker, has his life mostly together and has been nothing but respectful towards me, has been my best friend and is one of the few people in my life that I can truly open up to.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We’ve been playing with fire for about 6 or 7 years now. His marriage hit a rough patch due to his wife’s rapidly declining interest in sex to the point where he was maybe intimate with his wife 3-4 times per year and even then it was lackluster and unsatisfying. I was in a similar situation only my husband was unimaginative and often disinterested after I had kids despite my still being in great shape.
We would go on business trips together and the temptation was always there, the sexual tension was very thick and our mutual friends often commented on it but other than a handful of times where we ended up making out and doing some light touching, clothes never came off and other than the kissing nothing overly sexual would happen.
In June things changed and while on a trip together, for whatever reason we hit that tipping point and spend, at least for me, one of the most satisfying and rewarding nights of sex that I’ve ever had. We both wanted it. We both were very much into it. We both were ok with it happening at the time.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? It started out with us both having 2 drinks each at dinner while out with some coworkers. He, like always, walked me back to my hotel room to make sure I got there safe. I invited him in this time (wasn’t that unusual, we’d watch TV together and just talk) but i was aroused, I knew he was in the mood and as soon as the door closed I turned around and kissed him. He kissed me back, picked me up and carried me to the bed. We made out for a good 15-20 minutes before he pushed my dress up, pulled my panties to the side and orally pleasured me to 3 amazing orgasms. He would have kept going but I wanted to return the favor. I knew he was endowed but actually seeing it was better than expected. I gave him oral for about 10 minutes before he asked if I had a condom. I didn’t but I wasn’t worried about disease and the time wasn’t right for me to get pregnant so I just climbed on top and rode him until we both came again, him inside of me, which was a massive turn-on in and of itself.
He’d end up going down on me again, adding a rimjob to the mix (which was the first time for that, I was a bit self conscious about it but after I got over that, it felt incredible) and we ended up having regular sex two more times that night and again first thing in the morning. The night ended with him spooning me, kissing my neck and upper back and telling me how long he had wanted that and that he didn’t want it to be a one-time thing nor did he want something as sordid as an affair. I asked him if he loved me…he paused and said yes.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I was a little taken aback by his admission that he loved me but the reality is I loved him too. We had both “checked out” of our respective marriages years ago but I didn’t expect it so suddenly. Yet in that moment, I never felt closer or more connected to another person. Yes, we had frantic, furious sex that first time and the second time was likely just a lustful encounter but round there was very intimate, very gentle, very intense in emotion and sensation. Round 4, the next morning, was also great and sat somewhere between making love (how we started) and lustful sex (how we ended).
We’re now 4 months into our “secret” and are both filing for divorce at the start of the new year.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Just my best friend and she was surprised it took as long as it did to happen and said both he and I should leave our spouses for each other because it’s been a long time coming.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? One of my best friends became my lover. It just brought us so much closer. We both also have an outlet for our sexual desires and he’s really brought me out of my shell in the bedroom. Whereas before I was very quiet and reserved, he’s giving me a lot of confidence and allowed me to explore without judgement.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Each of us ending our marriages and the shitstorm that will occur from that. It’s likely going to put a lot of stress on what we have but we know in the end it’s what we both want and need.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I never saw myself as one who would “cheat” much less be with a “cheater”. I have a different perspective on infidelity, at least in the case that he and I were in. I still don’t “approve” of infidelity but I think this needed to happen so that we could see and understand what we both really wanted and how sad and limited our lives were with our current spouses.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
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