What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 31
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 7
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
15 years older man, I was so shy
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 years ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was my colleague from another office that I was visiting. Very big and athletic guy, looking like a firefighter, or a bodybuilder or something. Bold and with a bit of a beard. He was in his 40’s, and I was in my 20’s at the time and never had casual sex before. When I first saw him I was very horny, not having sex for almost a year before that, since the breakup of my relationship. I wanted to have something uncomplicated but hot (at work! what if somebody finds out! with an older guy! etc). When I saw him for the first time I thought: yes, this is exactly the type of guy I want.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We were driving in his car the whole day on business. I saw him talking to people, smile, shake hands, watched his body and was getting more and more horny. (At this time I was barely holding on even before I met him). He seemed like such a nice – and hot! – person. But I realized that I would never make a move on an older man, or a colleague. I could not take the humiliation of rejection – and what if he told other colleagues! I was getting very sad. Towards the end of our day we ended up in a restaurant where he ordered some food for us. We were chatting casually. I have previously told him that I broke up with my serious boyfriend (who was my first sexual partner) almost a year before and that at the time I have been travelling for work for many months like crazy.
Suddenly he said, very warmly and sympathetically: ‘It must be really difficult for you. You broke up with him so long ago and now you are travelling for months and you can’t really date or form a relationship…’ At this point I think I woke up from my sad thoughts and got a sparkle in my eye. I’m listening! Then he said: ‘Soo, maybe for you at this time it would be even better to find something casual…’ I was very innocent at the time – I realized he was hinting at himself but totally panicked and didn’t know how to react. I agreed with him, we got back into the car. My mind was racing: What should I do now?? What if I misunderstood?..
I understand now that he was also taking a risk talking to me like this – I could have told my boss about this and our company has a strict sexual harassment policy. So he had to be vague, to maintain plausible deniability if I were to complain.
Still I didn’t know what to do! I got so scared that it was all some kind of joke. I got all red and started mumbling ‘Um, I don’t know how to… I’m not used to… I need a sign of some kind that…’ I still thought it could be a joke for some reason, I couldn’t even look at him. I would be mortally humiliated if he just dropped me off at my hotel at that point – but who would have judged him? Thankfully he had a really strong character, this didn’t scare him off! He stopped at some parking lot and VERY quickly and lightly put his huge palm on my knee – and then quickly back to the steering wheel. He said: ‘That’s all that I can do’. I felt a huge relief, turned to him, put my hand on his knee and slid it up towards his crotch. He made a sound which got me completely crazy! I couldn’t believe that such an attractive hot man was REALLY interested in me. I said: ‘How about we go to my hotel now?’ He agreed enthusiastically and drove me there.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We came to my hotel and he immediately started undressing me. I felt such a joy and anticipation, I wanted him so badly! I laughed to myself that I usually dress up and wear heels when I want to impress someone while now I got a guy I was thinking about for weeks – wearing my majorly not sexy work uniform.
So he undressed me completely and then undressed himself. I looked at him and couldn’t believe how handsome and athletic he was. Turned out he had some body image issues, which I can’t believe to this day. Maybe in the world of body builders he was a bit out of shape but in my world he was amazing. He wasn’t a very skilled lover (I thought that probably with a body like this he never had to work for it to get sex), there was almost no foreplay. His cock was fairly small. He laid me flat and spread my legs wide. He said: ‘Oh, so you don’t wax there’. I was trimmed well but not more than that. I apologized and said that I had been on the road for long time and did not anticipate this turn of events. He said it was okay. He went down on me but I didn’t like how he did it. Then he positioned his cock against my pussy. Now I understand that this was my chance to ask for a condom, but I was so emotional that I completely missed this, so he slid into me bareback right the second I said ‘Wait, shouldn’t we get a condom’. I was first angry and scared – but he said he’d had a vasectomy and was clean, and anyway, it already happened. And it felt AMAZING. It was first time in my life without a condom. I didn’t know this sensation existed!! He fucked me for a while in different positions which I enjoyed quite well. I felt such a relief! Many months I was suffering without it and here I got what I needed – and the guy was nice and someone I knew from before.
We talked for a bit, he asked if I liked it, I said I did very much. We decided to do this some more while I was in his town. I also said I didn’t like that we did it without condom. He said that he can’t get hard in them (which I later found out was true), but he’s clean and had a vasectomy so… I made a mental note to get tested when I get home.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Since I never had casual sex before but I did have unrequited love for men that just flirted with me, I was very scared that I will fall in love with him, I read about it, and in the past I didn’t need much stimulus to feel in love.
But I didn’t! It was amazing! I finally made a first step to move past my breakup, my tension was released and I felt sexy and hot. I felt like singing. At work I was smiling like an idiot. I was at a meeting that I would normally find boring, difficult to concentrate at and constantly distracted by sex fantasies (it used to be torture), but now I was actually able to concentrate and pay attention!
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Sterilization, Discussed STI testing history
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Just to my friends from home. They were happy for me, just worried for STDs and calling him an asshole for fucking me without a condom against my wishes. I later tested for STDs and I was clean. We met 2 more times and had sex with similar results.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? To get to relieve the pressure that was killing me, hurting me, not letting me to concentrate on work.
Feeling empowered to be able to get such an attractive guy.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I got really nervous about STDs at the time.
The sex itself was just ok, I never had an orgasm.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes, it changed how I think about myself. Before that I thought that I can’t have sex and not be emotionally involved but then I felt like I could. Although I must say – not every time. There is still risk.
And I got a confidence boost.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I will be forever grateful to this man for brightening up my very sad days and months after the breakup and for taking initiative when I was acting not very enthusiastically, to say the least! (I wish I could meet such a man right now. I’m writing this to cheer myself up and remind myself that miracles do happen).
We stayed in touch for a bit after my time in that town and I have very warm memories of this person, hope he is doing well.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I used to think that casual sex is bad. That men who have it are always players, that a woman will always fall in love – and I am such a romantic, I definitely would. But I guess partially I was jealous of people who had it (and I didn’t) and partially – scared to wound my heart, I am very sensitive.
I still think that there is huge risk to fall in love, that often the closeness you feel after good sex with a nice person (especially after orgasm) is pulling you together and thoughts about how incompatible you are (this is why sex was casual) – is pulling you apart. I had bad experiences with casual sex too, later, where I got attached.
But it opened my eyes on what casual sex CAN be – and I am very grateful. Right now I am single and rather then ending up in a wrong relationship I would like to have a good casual fuck with someone nice.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s a invaluable resource for people who are not very sexually experienced – to learn what they can expect and what they want. AND a hot read.
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