What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 30s
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Australia
What country and/or city do you live in? Australia
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Denied avenues to responsibly dabble.
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 20+
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None

2 Hours of Unusual Fun, Then a Quarter of a Year Wondering

How long ago did this hookup happen? 6 months

What was your relationship status at the time? In a relationship (monogamous)

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Short, slim guy, presumably of middle-eastern descent. Purportedly late 20s. Fit, not hung. Met online, both hunting for a casual hookup, he offering oral and I was seeking it. We’d never exchanged pictures including faces, or anything that indicated heights or weights. We both looked in proportion I suppose, and both of us were excited by the prospect of play.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We chatted for some weeks online before he agreed to have me visit him at home. The plan was for some unhurried oral. He wanted to take his time exploring me.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I went to his place and was struck by a couple of things immediately. The first was that he was absolutely tiny relative to myself. Probably about 5’6″ and at least 20kg lighter than I was. He was friendly and welcomed me in. I was a little surprised to see that he had hardcore gay porn playing in the lounge, but I guess he was just setting the scene. Not really my thing though. He offered me a seat and grabbed me a drink. He started massaging my shoulders, which was quite pleasant. He grabbed my wrist and guided my hand to his crotch. This was the second striking moment, but I guess I should not have been surprised. He was tiny everywhere. His penis was probably only 4″ long, barely thicker than my thumb. About half of what I am. I decided I was there, and there was an opportunity to explore, so explore I would. The interlude was more about him getting his hands on me than the other way around. Being the centre of attention was fun.

He teased me a bit, but I was too nervous to really drop into the moment that way. He came and straddled my lap to kiss me. He wasn’t a bad kisser, however, I suspect he was an occasional smoker. Strike one. Not so nice. I decided to lose my jeans and he continued to tease a bit more. It wasn’t long before he escorted me to his bedroom. I lost the rest of my clothes but he said he wanted my boxers to stay on. He nibbled at me through them, although I decided it was time for more. I lowered the front to release my cock. Straight away he took it in his mouth and worked it. Very well as it happened. He stopped after about 30 seconds and asked if I had ever tried “this,” holding a small vial of what turned out to be amyl nitrate. I said no, and he encouraged me to have a whiff. I declined but he chose to indulge. It changed him quite suddenly. He was obviously feeling good, and devoured my cock like a man possessed. I realised at that rate, I was not going to last. I warned him, and he backed off. I decided it was time for me to pleasure him a little. He was quite responsive, but seemed to have the same issue – he was going to blow, fast. It was nice to have him in my mouth, although I was disappointed because he was so small. The biggest thing? There really was no personal connection at that point. It felt empty. His repeated use of the amyl took him away to wherever he went, and I decided just to focus on sensations when he resumed sucking me. I reiterated that if he kept it up I was going to cum because I had been thinking about this all day. His response was to have me kneel on the bed, fuck his face as hard as I wanted, and cum where I wanted. My partner never likes that, so I thought, “Why not?” I’m here, and he’s asking for it. He seemed to know what he was doing, and offered no signs that anything I did was too much. I felt the stirring at the base of my spine and strapped in for the ride. I came hard with him grunting at me as I filled his mouth. As soon as I finished he got up and ran to the kitchen to spit. That surprised me.

I collapsed back on the bed, and when he returned, he just ran his hands all over me. He was trying to get me ready for more but I said I needed a break. We chatted about our situations with partners, experiences with men, and things we were curious about. His girlfriend was in the US at the time. I probed him a little in a fairly subtle way to gauge how often he’d been playing with men. It seemed he was in the same boat as me – wanting to play, but scared about the risks. I thanked him for trusting me enough to have me in his house. We chatted for another 30 minutes or so, until he’d roused me into action again. To be honest, what got me going was explaining to him that the last time I’d played with a man was with a couple. He thought it was absolutely wild that a married couple would have had me join them as they had. More amyl, more sucking me. Surprisingly, I was ready to blow again after a few minutes, and said I wanted to swap places. He seemed to enjoy being sucked, though not as much as sucking. He wouldn’t have it for long. I said I wanted to see him cum, but he said he would wait until I was ready again. Back to sucking me. Once again, kneeling on the bed. He told me to fuck his face because he loved that. So I did. Once more, he didn’t seem to have a “too much” point – I don’t know whether that was him or the amyl. He took everything with enthusiasm. Once again, the stirring. He’d been furiously batting away at his little dick and sounding like he was ready to pop. I rode the wave, and blew a second time. As soon as I finished, he stood and blasted me with cum while letting mine fall from his mouth over us both.

Conceptually, this was almost an overload. The sights and sounds were incredible. A few times during the acts I looked down at him and realised that for the first time ever, someone was taking my dick down their throat all the way. It felt powerful. And strange. In terms of personal rapport, there wasn’t much other than an acceptance that we were both scratching an itch. I’m grateful for the experience, but it has confirmed that I really need to like someone to get the most of it. This was purely physical. The amyl was a turn off for me. I suppose I’m curious to try it, but was not one bit interested in doing it there at the time.

I showered, came back to the lounge where he had settled, and we chatted more about partners. He said he was getting married in a year. I asked him what he’s going to do about “this.” He said he had to explore his curiosity. There’s curious, and then there is total cock-hound. He was keen to see me again. I resolved to think on it further, and I certainly have done. It unsettled me that he seemed to think he’d just get married and do this from time to time. Then I thought about what I was doing. I’d lied about why I was going out, in order to sneak off and fuck the face of a guy whose name I wasn’t even sure of.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Leaving this interlude behind me and coming home was a strange sensation. I had washed all traces of the interlude from my skin at his place and came home the long way. To slot back into normality, I stopped to pick up a snack en route. Like nothing happened.

It only took a few days for my suspicions to emerge. Things didn’t add up about him. It’s a strange paradox one faces when sneaking off for off-map fuckeries. The veil of secrecy means I had no right to ask for sincerity. However, I was quite open about the aspects of my life I was willing to share. I just found it impossible to believe what he’d offered in return. At the same time as he continued to message me about a repeat get-together (something I admit I was tempted to try for a while) I noticed he had resumed advertising for new playmates. Just how many shadowy people had passed through his revolving door?

Not long after, I began to have serious concerns about the health and welfare aspects of what happened. The short version of the story is that I forced myself to wait out the window period for HIV testing, and took myself off to be checked. Whilst there, I had a full work up on all available tests. I’d put myself through the ringer of constant what-ifs, considered the risks I had taken for myself and my partner at home, and decided that none of the minuscule highlights were worth any of it. Life felt like it was on hold until I heard the word “negative.”

Thankfully, everything was clear. It was explained to me that while there is a theoretical risk for oral transmission of HIV, the actual likelihood is infinitesimal. I was counseled about safer play for next time.

As an adjunct to the whole smokescreen that I think I was blown, this guy later claimed that his partner had returned from overseas, but they were in the process of breaking up. Possible, but all to convenient.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Discussed STI testing history, No penetrative sex happened

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Poppers (Amyl Nitrate)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I haven’t said a word out loud about this to anyone bar the pathologist who did my testing. I exchanged emails with one online friend. She found it titillating, but was fairly sure I’d been led up the garden path. She was a little envious for other reasons, and concerned for me too.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Somewhat

Why do you regret this hookup? The risks, the experience of waiting to find out the status of my health. Not to mention the guilt.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I have to admit, it was nice to just let go and do something like this. My inclinations are generally satisfied by heterosexual contact, but then there are urges that cannot be met any other way than head-on so to speak.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The lack of personal connection was one thing, but the horrific bucket of guilt and fear was almost unbearable.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. I am comfortable with my bisexuality. I now understand it is a fit. I am, however, extremely frustrated that I have no safe avenues to express it within my present relationship.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Fairly negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Choose wisely, people.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I wish it was easier to negotiate these things within stable relationships. Part of the reason I can’t open the Pandora’s box is that my family, and most of my friends would be incredibly judgmental on two counts – the non-monogamy, and the bisexuality. That stinks, but it is what it is.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I find it interesting to read. For that reason I wanted to share my story.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!