What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 26
What’s your race/ethnicity? Southeast Asian
What continent do you live on? Asia
What country and/or city do you live in? Singapore
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Student/Waitressing
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Horny, experimental
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 5
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
How long ago did this hookup happen? Slightly more than a year ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a year
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Not someone you’d take a second look at while walking along the streets. Knew him (and the whole clique) through a mutual friend, but wasn’t close to him until at least 6 months after knowing him, because there was something going on with another guy in the same clique, but things went south, and he was the one who was asking me how things were, and the only one I could ask about the other guy because he would also ask the other guy about us. Never thought that anything would happen with this guy (I hooked up with in this story) because from the day I knew him, he’s already been with his girlfriend for more than 2 years, and she was in the same clique too. While we were friends, it was only when we became closer that I thought that he could actually be a really good friend because it was easy to talk to him and I felt really comfortable around him.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? His girlfriend was back home overseas for a period of time, and during that time we started to really hang out every day, always meeting for dinner or supper, or for drinks, sometimes just us both, sometimes with someone else or another couple from the same group. He even accompanied me when I joined another friend (of mine) for dinner when I was afraid that things might be awkward during dinner. The night before we hooked up, we had drinks and chatted the whole night away, both of us sharing details of our lives that not many others or even our common friends knew about. The chatting didn’t only happen over drinks either, after we left we walked around aimlessly, found somewhere to just sit and chill, and had supper after too, the whole time just chatting and enjoying each other’s company. I strongly believe in being able to be friends with the other sex, so I thought this whole time it was just us getting to know each other better as friends. At the same time, I often don’t see the signs coming either because looking back, he obviously dropped some hints I didn’t catch.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I needed to study, and he said that he’d accompany me. I was surprised because there wasn’t much for him to do, but he accompanied me anyway while using a laptop. Had dinner together, and then hung around for a bit, when I thought we were going home, he said that he didn’t wanna go home that night, and was gonna stay at some cheap hotel, which he didn’t tell me until we were in the car on the way there. So I accompanied him there, and thought I’d leave in a bit, but it got late and he told me to stay anyway. So bells should have been ringing in my head by now, but no, I stupidly agreed, albeit questioningly. There was once when I spent a night at his place and nothing happened, so I thought it’d be fine too.
While we were in bed though, there was a certain tension, and both of us could not sleep. After some time just lying in bed and chatting a little at intervals, he asked if I was sleeping, and then rolled over and on top of me and then tried to make out with me. I relented after a while, and he started to finger me and was surprised that I was already wet. We made out and he fingered me more vigorously. Did it cowgirl style, and pretzel.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? No
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Waking up and realizing what happened the next day sucked. It was mostly regret and guilt, especially towards his girlfriend, because she was also a friend. Probably the most guilty I’ve ever felt in my life. Obviously, no expectations, because he’s already attached, and I was not expecting him to break up because of me.
It was still about another week before I went overseas, and by the time I was back, his gf would be back also, so we both knew that whatever was happening or whatever we felt was gonna end when I left. We still met everyday then up until the day I had to leave. When we didnt think about it, we still had fun and just enjoyed each other’s company, but when it came up, I was just wrecked with guilt. We did talk about it, what we were going to do, what we thought/felt, even before it actually happened, and he told me that he was already attracted to me from the beginning, and that he was hoping that the other guy and I started something back then so that he could… give up. Should he not have been attached when we knew each other though, chances of us getting together probably would have been pretty high. So well, I guess things were kinda planned by him too, as my other guy friends said.
Now, we’re still good friends, occasionally we’d meet alone if it happens to be the case when no one else is free, though we mostly meet only when his girlfriend or the rest are around. There were/are many times when it’s just me, him and his girlfriend, but time’s passed and now it’s like nothing happened. I know he’s still a friend, but it felt like I lost a really close friend too. And sometimes even now, when we’re all together in the group, I still find myself nearly or next to him somehow, and sometimes I wish that I could just hug him freely. I hate the idea that I might have lingering feelings for him though.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Withdrawal
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Peer pressure, Didn’t want to disappoint my partner, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, I didn’t want it but was unable to stop it
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My closest friends. Weren’t very happy with what I did, especially not because I already knew he was attached. But they said that it mostly wasn’t my fault and I shouldnt be blaming myself.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? Because of all the guilt I felt towards his gf. Because should the clique ever come to know about this, things will probably turn ugly and friendships broken.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I got to know him better. And well, I’m open to all sorts of experiences in life, and I see this as another one.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The guilt that came with it.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. Made me more open, and made me realised just exactly how rampant cheating actually is, how easily it happens.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Growing up in a traditional family, as much as society now is a lot more open about sex and sexual topics, I still grew up thinking that sex was for after marriage and all that. But at the same time, I knew that if the chance came up, I’d have CS, and that made me very conflicted, the idea of ‘I want to’ vs ‘I’m supposed to’.
It’s let me know that it’s okay, and nothing is going to happen to me just because I’m doing something I’m ‘not supposed’ to. It’s okay to do what you want when you want, as long as you’re not harming yourself or anyone (totally not in this case though).
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I’m glad I came across it. It’s told me that it’s not all that uncommon, and that it’s okay. At the same time, it’s also very interesting being able to read all these stories that one doesnt normally hear.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!