The Casual Sex Project Logoby BoldBrunette

Gender: Female
Age: 27
Race/ethnicity: White
Location: Milwaukee
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
Occupation: Academia
Religious affiliation: n/a
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

A Bad Idea

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2013

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends w/ Benefits

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? For the purposes of this description and to protect his confidentiality, we’ll call him “John Doe” or “JD” for short.  I met JD on the job, he was my co-worker. He was tall, lanky, and nerdy…he seemed like he had some social skills issues, but I found him oddly interesting. When I first met him, I was quite sure he was gay as he was quite feminine and gentle. However, this theory was crushed when he talked about his ex-girlfriends and his online dating efforts. I never really thought about hooking up with him per se while on the job. We eventually parted ways after we both quit (months apart), but we kept in contact.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? After we parted ways from the job, JD and I kept in contact.  We would text every once in awhile and talk about our experiences with online dating.  One day the conversation shifted to hookups (he initiated it) and he actually suggested we hook up.

There was significant planning involved, we picked an evening that worked for both of us and he came over to my condo. We had talked a lot about our desires, dislikes, etc. over text during the previous week.

During this period of texting, we also discussed the basics like protection, what would happen if I got pregnant, etc.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The hookup began with us catching up and talking…then we watched some TV.  He then suggested we “take it to the bed” and go from there. It felt incredibly awkward and way too systematic for me. There was no spontaneity and that made me feel really uncomfortable…it was too mechanized.

He was a lot more “vanilla” than I am. He also preferred sex to be far more gentle and “lovey dovey” than I liked. JD preferred to do the typical missionary style…I wanted a little more adventure. It really wasn’t a good match. I was left feeling unsatisfied and a little frustrated.

JD enjoyed receiving oral, but wasn’t open to giving me oral. I remember him fingering me while I was giving him oral and he just randomly stopped. It was a significant turn off.

Over the three times we had sex that night, I didn’t achieve an orgasm. Come to think of it, I’m not even sure how turned on I was by him. It just felt so systematic to me…it wasn’t my style at all.

He stayed overnight and left the next morning.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? We certainly discussed STI history prior to hooking up. We also discussed birth control methods that we preferred. I was on the pill and he chose to use a condom all three times.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? I think we were both a little bit lonely and horny!

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? No, drugs and/or alcohol were not involved at all.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the hookup, we just went our separate ways. I haven’t really talked to him since we hooked up, I certainly haven’t seen him, nor do I have a desire to do so. He has texted me on a few occasions, but conversations have been relatively superficial and awkward. I admit I felt a little traumatized by this hookup and have no desire to hook up with him again.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told a friend about it and she agreed that it sounded really “awkward”.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? It was consensual, but it didn’t fit my personality, needs, or desires at all.  It was a very disappointing experience and I actually felt a little bit traumatized by how awkward it was  Despite how many months ago this happened, I haven’t wanted to have sex since this hook up. I’m just turned off by the whole idea, actually.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? I don’t know if I regret it, but I know it wasn’t what I was looking for. Our styles when it came to sex were just way too different and it wasn’t pleasurable for me.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I don’t think there was a “best” thing about this hook up. Everything about this hook up was bad. It’s one of the worst I have ever had, actually.

I used to hook up with guys quite frequently…but after this one, I haven’t really had a desire to do so. I almost feel like I have an aversion to doing so now because of how traumatizing I perceived this one to be. Needless to say, I have turned to sex toys to fulfill my sexual needs for the time being.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? This was one of the worst hookups I have ever had. I haven’t wanted to have sex since this hookup.  It was just such a disaster and I quite frankly feel traumatized by it! Instead, I’ve started using sex toys and masturbating on a regular basis…at least they always lead to an orgasm and you don’t have to deal with the emotional component like when you hook up!

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