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What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 65 (60 at the time this happened)
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Suburbs of Philadelphia, Pa., U.S.A.
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Writer
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (open)
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? Maybe 60
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? This is the first

A femdom encounter

How long ago did this hookup happen? Five years ago

What was your relationship status at the time?

How would you best classify this hookup? Dominant/submissive

How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? “M” was a short, rather plump woman, about 45, with a slightly arrogant manner — which, in the context of everything else, was a turn-on. We met on the kink site Fetlife, where she responded to my posted offer to do no-strings housework for a dominant woman. I had been curious about D/s relationships, so my “feelings” for her were not about her personally, but about what I might experience.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? As stated, it began online with discussions about what she required and what I should (and should NOT) expect. She wanted a man who would do what he was told (I gathered that her husband was not such a man) and would wait to be told what to do rather than attempt to shape events himself. We agreed to meet in the parking lot of a closed restaurant near her home (but about 40 miles from mine). She set the date and time. On that date, we parked next to each other — drivers’ doors facing each other — got out of our vehicles and talked for 15-20 minutes. She apparently decided that I was trustworthy/safe and told me to follow her to her home.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? This was the beginning of an encounter that went on for about six months. On the first day, we walked into her house. She led me to the kitchen and ordered me to clean it. This took an hour or so, during which she relaxed in her living room. Afterward, she had me sit on the floor in front of her easy chair and we talked, though about what I don’t specifically recall. Eventually, she told me that she would require cleaning service every two weeks and dismissed me.

On the second or third visit, “M” told me to make her a cup of tea before I began cleaning. When I brought it, told me, “Put it here on the table and then get down on your hands and knees and get your face between my legs.” Things changed from there forward.

“M” loved to be served orally, and being pleased in this way made her more aggressive and dominant. Soon, she was no longer interested in having me do housework. Rather than work clothes, I was always naked. Not because there was sexual activity; I think M wanted to be able to easily slap my genitals, and to see when I was erect, and when I wasn’t. There were beatings, a collar and protocol: I learned to prostrate myself at her feet upon arriving and thank my “goddess” for allowing me to serve her. I learned to always kneel in her presence and — this still surprises me — felt a distinct excitement in doing so. Kneeling made me hard.

M taught me to worship feet. This is not something in which I had previously had any interest. If asked, I might have thought it was a bit weird. One day, however, when I crawled up to M’s chair, she put her bare feet on the ottoman between us and said, simply, “Please me.” And so, I did. I kissed the tops of her feet, the soles, her heels and each toe. I drew each toe into my mouth and gently ran my tongue around and between them. It was a new world to me. Occasionally, she would withdraw her toes from my mouth, place that foot on one side of my face and push me toward the other foot.

Obviously, there was no orgasm in this for me. The “payoff” was when I heard her sigh and moan. Soon, she pushed the ottoman aside and pulled my face between her legs to lick and suck elsewhere.

With one exception — the day I lay on the floor in front of her chair and masturbated while she watched — there was never any physical pleasure for me. But that wasn’t the purpose of our relationship. I was there to provide pleasure for her, and learning to do so was powerfully erotic.

Though we saw each other only every two weeks, “M” wanted constant contact during our relationship. I was required to email her daily with reports of how I was feeling, my sexual fantasies and updates on what I was doing. She also gave me rules and tasks. Initially, I was to tell her whenever I masturbated and what I thought about while doing so. Later, I was to ask her permission to masturbate. Sometimes, permission was denied. Toward the end of our relationship, “M” talked of having me tattooed with her initials. (I don’t have any tattoos.) She liked the idea of putting it on my ass, but seemed to enjoy considering other locations. “M” also directed me to buy a locking chastity device. Being locked in such a device by a woman who holds the keys is actually a fantasy of mine, so this was quite exciting to me. However, it also led to the abrupt end of the relationship because my fantasy involves the existence of the device being known to others. I mentioned the plan to a mutual acquaintance and shortly afterward, was notified by an email from “M” that she no longer required my service.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I don’t think it could have gone on forever, but was nevertheless sorry it ended. She has made it quite clear that she “has moved on” (her words). Nevertheless, I think about her often.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) No penetrative sex happened

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have, Submission / Relinquishing power, Didn’t want to disappoint my partner

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told no one.

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I enjoyed the opportunity to experience a different sort of woman. Most women seem to be socialized to be “nice” to others, to please them. “M” demanded that I please her.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That it ended.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? About casual sex, no. But I think it did change how I approach sexuality.

Once, like many men, sex meant touching women, looking at them, fucking them. In short, using them to achieve orgasm. Pleasing them? Not so much. I wasn’t against that, of course, but it wasn’t my focus. Now, I think, it is. Today, when I think of sexual pleasure, I remember M’s moans when my tongue was on her clit or her toes were in my mouth.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think there is a time/place for it. I have fond memories of different partners from my 20s. Now, though, I require more of a connection to my partners to fully enjoy the experience — and, sometimes, even to become erect.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s a very interesting idea, though I wonder if the self-reporting nature of the project will produce any information from which one can generalize.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!

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