by: NolaLibra

Gender: Female
Age: 46
Race/ethnicity: Caucasian
Current location: New Orleans, LA, USA
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
Occupation: College instructor
Relationship status: In an open relationship
Religious affiliation: None
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexual orientation/sexuality better/best? Heteroflexible
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 100+
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

A Politically Inspired Hookup

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2008

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? One-night stand

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Adam was tall, over 6 feet, with reddish-brown hair and beard, and average weight. I contacted him through an ad on Craigslist, and we arranged to meet at a neighborhood bar. He said he was in an open-relationship with a girl in Arizona.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? It’s been 7 years now, so the details are fuzzy, but I think I placed an ad on Craigslist the night President Obama won the election.  I was married, and my husband lived and worked in another state. We agreed that it was okay to have sex outside the marriage during this time, but I hadn’t done anything yet.  We had been physically apart for several months and I was horny and wanted to celebrate.  It was an impulsive action for me to place an ad.  I had never done that before.  Within an hour or so, I had multiple replies and I picked Adam because he seemed educated, attractive, and lived nearby.  His messages were respectful and he agreed to my stipulations.  I didn’t want to have vaginal intercourse, but was open to mutual oral and manual stimulation.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We met at a neighborhood bar, and I felt attracted to him within a few minutes.  He had a positive energy, and seemed honest and trustworthy.  After a beer, we headed to my home and straight to the bedroom.  We took our time exploring each others bodies.  It felt a little awkward because we didn’t know each other but he was easy to talk with.  I enjoyed kissing him and he was a skilled lover.  We exchanged oral sex.  He went down on me until I came, and then I gave him a blow job.  I think we cuddled and talked for 30 minutes or so after, and then he went home.  We talked about the election, our personal histories, occupations, and current relationships.  We had similar values and situations – both with partners out of state.  We didn’t discuss future meetings at the time.  Within a week or so we exchanged emails and both wanted to see each other again for casual sex.

Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? Yes, we both did.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? We decided to limit our sexual activity to manual and oral sex, and did not use a barrier for that.   He informed me that he had a vasectomy and was willing to use condoms if I wanted, but I wasn’t interested in intercourse at that time.  We did not specifically discuss STI history.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? I hadn’t had sex in 4 months, my husband was working out of state, and I had no potential partners.  I was horny and I was in a celebratory mood over the Presidential election.  It gave me hope for a more liberal future.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? We had one beer together, and I may have had a drink at home before meeting him.  No one was intoxicated and there were no drugs.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I was physically satisfied and proud of myself for taking action and finding a really nice guy.   I felt good about it.   We wound up seeing each other off and on for about a year and a half until I moved away.  I no longer have his contact information or know his whereabouts, but I still feel positively about him.  He was honest, respectful and a great casual sex partner.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told my husband about it and he got angry.  He said it was because the sex was at my house in the bed he slept on.  I think he was really upset about me having sex at all, but he chose a small detail to pick a fight.  We had not negotiated any location restrictions when we made an agreement previously.  That part was not good.  We divorced a couple years later, but I would not say this was a trigger.  We had bigger underlying issues.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Yes, for both of us.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? No, it met my needs and wants.  I had a positive relationship with Adam during our time in the same city.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best thing was sexual satisfaction and the companionship I enjoyed.  The worst was telling my husband and dealing with his reactions. I was not cheating, by our agreement, but he tried to make me feel like I was.  That was frustrating.  I think it was the first time that I truly felt empowered through a casual sex interaction.   I asked for what I wanted explicitly, set boundaries, and got exactly what I wanted.  It improved my self confidence and broadened my perspective on men.  I have great respect for Adam and I looked for characteristics of his in future partners.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

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