by Sophie

Gender: female
Age: 19
Race/ethnicity: german
Location: China
Highest education received: High school diploma
Relationship status: single
Religious affiliation: none
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 6
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? none

A Very Unexpected Hookup In China

How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 months ago

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? one-night stand

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? While spending my gap-year after high-school in China, as a part of my work i helped organizing the concert of a german band. He was the sound engineer and i was attracted to him right away, though i didn’t imagine anything would happen this night since i had to work (kind of), and he was older than me (i didn’t know how much at this point). Already during the concert we would talk shortly and exchange some glances, but only after the concert when i started drinking with the band and some colleagues we would really talk and start all the flirty touches and whatever.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I knew the venue quite well since i had been living in this city for 7 months at the time and it was one of my favourite bars to go to. There is another room if you go up some stairs where an empty swimming pool is, which is sometimes used as a dancefloor. We went there and started making out pretty heavily though at one point i said i didn’t want to go any further here. So we went back to the others and it turned out that the band wanted to go to KTV (that’s the typical chinese late-night entertainment – karaoke in a rented room). We shared a cab in which we also made out, at this point i think the others noticed that something was going on, but we didn’t really care. For him i guess it just wasn’t a big deal at all, for me it was a little weird since my boss was there with us but i was pretty drunk and horny and also i was off work now the concert was over so i said to myself whatever. When we arrived at the KTV both of us didn’t really participate in the singing but just kissed and basically wanted to get away. 

I had visit from a very good friend from Germany at this time though, and it was her last night so i felt a little bad going home with him and leaving her alone. I hesitated for some time to really leave with him which led to us having sex in the bathroom of the KTV which was really hot but also not very comfortable so by this time i decided i wanted to go home with him. I talked to my friend and she said she was totally fine with me just giving her the key and my address, and i left with him to his hotel.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The band was staying in a really fancy hotel, which was especially nice since my apartment in china is very chinese, if you can imagine what i mean and i really enjoyed the huge bed, nice smelling white sheets and the great view. When we entered he just started taking all my clothes off and telling me how much he had wanted this the entire evening, threw me onto the bed and then we had really, really good sex for the second time this night.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? Because i’m young and stupid and i was also really horny and drunk, i just told him in a kind of reflex to his question wether i was on the pill that i was, even though i stopped taking it when i came to China. We didn’t talk about it anymore afterwards and i felt really bad for not using a condom with basically a stranger. I can’t really explain why i didn’t just say no, i guess i was afraid it wouldn’t happen (i didn’t have a condom with me and i don’t think he had one) and i very much wanted it to happen.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? I just thought he was really attractive and once we started talking i also liked him very much. It is also kind of rare in China (for me, since i’m mostly not attracted to asian men) to find a goodlooking and nice guy and i knew they would only be in the city for one night.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? We both drank pretty much in the bar and i kept on drinking at KTV but i would say by the time we got to the hotel i was just the right amount of tipsy.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We fell asleep cuddling which was very sweet but i knew that the next morning i would have to get up around 6 to go home and bring my friend to the train station. When i got up he said he didn’t want me to leave and we compromised on me taking the room-card and saying i would return after dropping off my friend (btw; it is very convenient that cabs in china are about 1$). I went home, showered and said goodbye to my friend at the train station, being really excited about going back and also a little nervous since i knew this time we would be completely sober and everything’s different in daylight anyways. I worried for nothing though, since he was still asleep when i came back so i just got undressed and cuddled up next to him. I woke him up and he was very happy to see me and then we basically had sex the entire morning between talking about a lot of stuff, having oral sex and cuddling and making out. 

He had to check out of the room around 2 pm and another guy from the band or their manager, i’m not sure, wanted to go out and see something of the city. He texted us and R said that he would also like to see something and asked me to come along. I was surprised that he wanted me to come since i didn’t think this would evolve out of the bedroom but i was very happy about it and said yes. I took both of them to a nearby lake which is quite nice and we just walked around there, he took my hand from time to time and in the cab we would “secretly” make out while his friend was sitting in the front. It was really chilled and not awkward at all which was a pretty new experience for me. He also asked me to come back to the hotel with them because they had to check out, but i would have felt weird just following him the entire day so i said no and we agreed that he would text me when they would go to lunch after checking out so i could come (the hotel was just around the corner of my apartment). He did and i went there with a friend, hearing from her that my boss would also be there. So we sat next to each other but there were all this people so we didnt really have time to talk or anything else anymore. They had to take the train to Shanghai from there, so we were only given a really short goodbye. He kissed me very passionately in front of the entire band and my boss though, which i thought was very sweet. 

He had, at one point the other night also asked me if i wanted to come to Shanghai with them for the rest of the weekend (it’s only a 2 hour train ride) but i wasn’t sure wether he was joking or it was just the alcohol and his libido speaking, and even though i really liked him this seemed kind of crazy to me. He didn’t bring it up again the next day so i don’t think he was serious about it. 

We texted for a bit while he was in Shanghai and he send me very cute selfies of him on The Bund and everything, but by the time he got back to Germany we didn’t talk anymore. He said he would like to come and visit me when i’m back and i told him i was going to be in his town shortly after i come back because one of my best friend lives there, but i’m not sure if he meant it. I think i’ll just take a chance and text him when i go to his city, it’s not like i have anything to loose.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Well, so when we were at the Lake, his friend or colleague or whatever asked “so how old are you?” and i thought he was talking to me and got a little freaked out because i don’t think he had realized that i was only 19. I mean we had talked about the fact that i hadn’t started studying and what i was doing in china etc. but he never asked me. So it turned out that his friend hadn’t asked me but him, and he replied 32. I remember walking next to him and cringe for a second, but then i had to pull myself together not to laugh because i was kind of like “oh, thats why it was so good”. He didn’t look like it and even if, i had never set myself any age boundaries or anything, i think if you’re attracted to each other and its completely consensual it doesn’t make any difference especially when it’s only for one night. 

I told some friends and they were like “oh wow, thats older but yeah good for you” and got a little overly attached since he was just so freaking nice and sweet to me, but i got over it because after all it was always clear that it was only for one night so it was probably easy for him to just be so relaxed. Also, i probably wasn’t used to something so fuss-free since all my previous sexual encounters were with teenage boys.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? It was very consensual for both of us. For me it was only the second time i had sex, the first time was right before i left for china and i was way too drunk then. Basically it was like my first time since i can’t even completely remember my first time. So it was a really, really positive experience, first because he was very experienced and made me feel very comfortable about myself which made the sex very good, second because it somehow made me a lot more confident and in a way this opened a door for me, sexually-wise.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? Not at all. Even if he doesn’t respond when i text him in about three months, which i could understand, i will always remember this night and day in a completely positive light. It was just sex, but somehow it also wasn’t just sex since we really bonded and got along more than well. I can’t say if anything had been different if i didn’t live in China and he flew back to Germany two days later, if we would have started going out or something. It felt a bit like it, but maybe this was just me.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best thing was definitely that he was so good in bed and actually made me cum more than once which alone is pretty spectacular given the fact that it was my, well, somewhat first time. The worst thing was saying goodbye and still thinking about him so much afterwards, but yeah that doesn’t really count i guess. I wouldn’t say it changed my view on casual sex or myself, since it was always my opinion that everyone should have sex when they feel like it and as long as everyone is happy it’s fine. It has though left me hanging in a way of “now i know what i’ve been missing” and made me more confident.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

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