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What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 33
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Silver Spring, MD
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Bureaucrat
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (open)
Religious affiliation: Mormon
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Gay/lesbian
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 75
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Accidental Threesome

How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 months

What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (open)

How would you best classify this hookup? Group sex

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I didn’t plan to hook up with these guys. I met one on Grindr and he said he could not host a hookup because his roommate was home. Ive was a 23 year old latino guy from El Salvador, cute smile, big dick. I could not host a hookup because my roommates were home too. My husband was in another country. After concluding that we could not hook up, the guy messaged me to say that his roommate was OK if I came over. I thought that meant, come over to hang out, because I had said I was looking for friends and fun. This felt like I was going over to his house to be friends.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? He messaged me his location and I drove over about 10 minutes from my house. His house was totally dark and I was a little nervous. The front door opened and I went inside the totally dark house. The streetlight bled through the window and I could see a few guys sleeping on the living room floor. The guy led me upstairs to his bedroom, where there was a lava lamp lighting the room dimly. He didn’t speak English very well, and I speak terrible Spanish. He introduced me to his roommate, who was super super cute. I shook his hand “mucho gusto.” I wanted to kiss him, but I didn’t know his name or if he was even gay or knew I was gay. I had no idea about anything.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? When I shook his hand he drew himself close to me, and started kissing. The original guy joined in, kissing me. They were both kissing me, on my mouth, neck, ears, lifted off my shirt, their shirts, and soon we were all 3 naked and they were kissing and licking my entire body. I took turns sucking their dicks and then the original guy put on a condom and worked his way into my ass. He was thick and it hurt, but I let him and I sucked the Honduran guy while the Salvadoran fucked me. He came and then got into his bed and the Honduran put on a condom and fucked me. He came and laid on his bed. I continued making out with him and masturbating until I came all over him. I helped him clean up and then I asked him about scars on his stomach. He explained he has been beaten and tortured in his country for being gay. He had come to the U.S. to escape his very abusive father. Things suddenly got really dark. I had no idea what to say. My work deals with human rights and asylum, so I knew of many resources for the man. I used his phone to pull up several websites for Spanish speaking asylum seekers and tried to explain in the best Spanish I could muster that he needed to go to those websites and reach out to people for help. Both men were undocumented, but had strong and compelling asylum cases if they could just apply. It was incredibly strange, I was feeling physically amazing, they both fucked so good and I had a great release, but then part of me felt guilty like I had exploited them somehow.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next day I kept questioning if I had exploited them or somehow contributed to their trauma. I wondered what role my white privilege had in the hookup, if any. I didn’t know either of their names. I didn’t have a contact number for them. I only had the Grindr chat from the original contact. I reached out numerous times on that chat to see if he was OK, and if he had contacted any of the organizations I showed him, but I never got a response. I still don’t know what happened to either of them. I would like to think they both applied and received asylum, but i have no idea.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Thought it was an important experience to have, I was feeling lonely, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but didn’t give a ‘no’

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told several friends. Most thought it was an amazing experience to have. My gay friends thought it was hot and wanted to do the same thing. One friend asked me why I did it and if I was OK.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Getting fucked while sucking dick, both guys were hot and young.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Finding out they had been persecuted and tortured for being gay in the past.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? yes, it really made me question my privilege as a non-hispanic white man from the U.S. I take a lot of my freedom and sexual liberation for granted. Yes, I grew up Mormon and had my own share of persecution and extreme guilt, but I was never physically tortured and forced to leave my home and country to survive. It was an enlightening experience.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I wish I had gotten their names and phone numbers and even Facebook. I would like to make sure they are OK.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think in the gay community casual sex is absolutely normal. I have had mostly positive experiences, only a few negative ones. I like casual sex. I think more people should try it.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It feels a little porny.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!