What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 46
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Canada
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Health Care
What’s your current relationship status? Separated
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 50
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? none
Affair -> Polyandrous Marriage -> Separated
How long ago did this hookup happen? 1.5 years
What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? FWB still ongoing. My husband and I had been fighting over tension that our marriage has often had about me being the primary earner and him feeling that he can quit his job without consequence because he makes a fraction what I make. We have no children and a person in his/her forties should work. Met a handsome young man who became a friend who I developed an attraction for, somewhat because he is so unlike my husband in the ways my husband irritates me. My friend is a workaholic and has money. He also usually initiates the sex and has a high sex drive, unlike my husband.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We talked about starting an affair a bit (I instigated it), he encouraged me to ask my husband to open up the marriage and I declined, giving as a reason that I knew my husband would let me so why potentially hurt him by even asking. After a couple of weeks of negotiating that hurdle, he agreed to start an affair. After a couple of months of trying to keep a great deal of extramarital sex secret from my husband, I asked him if I could be FWB with our friend X… my husband agreed.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? With my FWB, we do almost everything. He isn’t as good a lover as my husband, but he tries. I prefer him though, because I fell madly in love with him.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The FWB relationship is ongoing. My husband wanted to leave me six months after the marriage became polyandrous, and I temporarily broke up with my friend to hopefully save the marriage, but my husband still wanted to leave me. He suffers from depression and had quit his job, so I think he became even more depressed once he wasn’t working. My FWB and I secretly (to spare my husband’s feelings) got back together.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Fertility awareness (days counting, temperature)
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Everyone else was/is doing it
How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My daughter, who was often my alibi for sleeping over at my FWB’s house during the affair.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? A passionate, albeit secret, love affair that is still ongoing.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? My husband left me.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I believe I’m more suited to serial monogamy than polyandry.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? My FWB is a lawyer and fifteen years younger than I am. I just like to brag about that every chance I get.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? It has opened me up to serial monogamy and made me realise I may not be suited to lifelong monogamy.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s a good idea to promote casual sex since there should not be stigma against it.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!