What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 28
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Seattle
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (currently pursuing)
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 15 ish
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? 6 days ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a year
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Tall, lean, moustached, handsome boy from Alabama that I met four months ago at a good friend’s wedding and visited for a week. We had a pretty instant philosophical/spiritual connection when we first met at the wedding (and did not hook up), had a great time talking and dancing and flirting and playing music together. In the months leading up to his visit, we exchanged several emails, texts, phone calls, and a letter–learning about each other, engaging in philosophical debate, and sexting/phone sex (this was the first time I had ever done this with anyone BEFORE having a physical relationship with them–it was awesome long distance foreplay). We also had conversations about our desires and beliefs about romantic/sexual relationships, and it was clear even before he visited that he was having casual sex with somebody in Alabama, and I told him I was also having casual sex with someone here.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? It was at my house, where he was staying. In my living room, in front of my fireplace, on the spare cot that he was sleeping on. It began when we were getting bed and he asked me if I wanted to come “kiss and play” before heading to bed–I said hell yes.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We made out for a while, there was lots of touching and fondling, humping, nipple tugging and licking, necking, ear-licking, butt squeezing, anal grazing… then we had penetrative vaginal sex that lasted a long time (he was great at doing what he needed to do to postpone orgasm). There was lots of communicating about what we were liking and what we would like, observations and admiration for one another’s body, what positions we’d like to try (we tried quite a few), what was comfortable or uncomfortable, etc. He was a great lover. He encouraged me to be selfish and get what I needed to orgasm. We had sex several times in the week that he stayed with me. We also had conversations clarifying what each other’s expectations and desires were, what we appreciated about each other, when we might see each other again. Though it was casual sex it was also intimate sex and occurred in the context of a meaningful and sincere connection.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Felt great. We’re still talking on the phone and I’m very much enjoying him.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, IUD (Intrauterine device), Discussed STI testing history
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Thought it was an important experience to have, Submission / Relinquishing power
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Friends. Mostly I got positive responses (e.g. “I’m happy for you”) but also lots of questions wanting to clarify or “define” the relationship– “When will you see him again?”, “Did you talk about *things*”, “Are you together?” and when I made it clear there had been no commitments made I got a “That would be so hard for me” and a “Wow that sounds like a lot to process”
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It was fun, free, lighthearted but vulnerable, so sexy, and I learned a lot about myself.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Nothing bad to report.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I have had several sexual partners outside of the context of a long term or serious relationship–a few friends with benefits, a couple one night stands, and intoxicated hookups too (though I would say those have been the least desired and enjoyable)
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? i think it’s fascinating and important–take the stigma away from sex!
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!