What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 46
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Retired
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly gay/lesbian
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 12
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Amsterdam Gay Bar
How long ago did this hookup happen? 15 years
What was your relationship status at the time? In a relationship (monogamous)
How would you best classify this hookup? Group sex
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? They were all men, mostly older (I was about 32 at the time). They were all anonymous – I hardly saw their faces. It was my only time in that bar in Amsterdam. I was there on a layover for a business trip.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I knew I’d be in Amsterdam for a couple of nights and was actively looking into their gay nightlife. This bar advertised nightly “jack off” parties. That night, I went to the place and the door was locked – you needed to be buzzed in. I was greeted by a much older man (the owner) who was completely naked. I entered, and was instructed to remove my clothing. I was handed a ticket for them, which also doubled as a card for counting drinks, for later payment. Once naked (except for shoes), I entered the bar. There were several naked men standing and sitting around the back of the bar watching porn that played over the bar. I sat at the bar and ordered a drink.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Over the course of the evening (the next four hours), I was approached by a couple of men. The first time, I was led by one upstairs to a very dark hall. He began to kiss me, which I didn’t want. I lowered myself to my knees and began to give him a blow job. While I was doing this, another couple came up and began to kiss next to me. I reached over and stroked them while blowing the first guy. It’s a bit of a blur, but one guy ended up blowing me until I came. Later, I led a different guy upstairs and blew him. Again, more people came up, and I was being blown while the guy sucking was also being flicked. I blew another guy until he came, but not in my mouth. Finally, the guy I brought up sucked me, but I wasn’t able to come again.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I constantly fantasize about that encounter and long for more. I did tell my wife about it, which almost destroyed our marriage. I had been open with her about my sexuality before that, and we continue to talk. I regret hurting her, but don’t regret the experience. I hope to do it again sometime soon.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting
How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? I don’t know
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I did tell my wife about it, which almost destroyed our marriage. I had been open with her about my sexuality before that, and we continue to talk. I’ve told a couple friends about it, and those friends were happy for me having had that experience.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very
Do you regret this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? Betraying my wife.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The overwhelming physical satisfaction.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The casualness; can’t be so casual when you are in a committed relationship.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. I believe my gay sexual nature can be explored while committing to a life with my wife.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I’d like to see casual sex be more accepted. Communication between life partners can allow for extramarital exploration of physical desire.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Interesting…
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