What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 40
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? US
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your current relationship status? Single
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Unsure / Questioning
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Exploring
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 8
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? Yesterday
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? Training
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I haven’t met him in person yet. We met online and have exchanged messages, sexts, etc. I feel curious about him and I trust him even though we don’t know each other. His assertiveness and certainty about what he wants makes me feel safe.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? As I recount this experience, I realize that it be a departure from other stories on here. We haven’t had sex, haven’t hooked up. But I consider this experience so far as a precursor…foreplay for things to come. And certainly for me, it’s an on-ramp and a new way of understanding what casual sex and sexuality can look like and mean.
We started our interactions online and got clear about what each of us were looking for pretty quickly. I am newly divorced and not looking for any sort of romantic relationship. I’m looking to expand my sexual horizons, learn what and who gives me pleasure and to acknowledge and free the sensual part of myself that hasn’t had a chance to be expressed. As we communicated, he began to paint a picture of what he could offer me – which was nothing like I’ve ever experienced before. He offered me the chance to learn to get out of my head, to be patient and listen to my body and learn how it wants to respond, what it yearns for…to be open and welcoming to whatever that meant – kinks that I’ve never explored, different types and intensities of touch. Every scenario he describes turns me on…being restrained, giving up control, surrendering my body, playing with pain and pleasure, anticipation, openness, name calling…I crave it all.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We haven’t been physically sexual…yet. As we continued talking, it became obvious that I’m not ready for what he has to offer. And, he didn’t abandon me. He didn’t tell me I’d wasted his time. He didn’t make any promises either. But he respected me enough to slow us down…not take advantage of me while I’m in this transitional space.
What I didn’t know as this was unfolding is that it’s forcing me to learn to sit in my desire and hunger – to get to know it, befriend it, hold space for it and not look for its immediate satisfaction, discover how I want to experience it, satisfy it. I numbed it for most of my life, denying that it was there, denying that I have an appetite so deep and vast that I worried it would swallow me whole. Numbing kept me afloat during my marriage.
And now, as I’m newly free to explore and acknowledge my desire, it’s front and center and pretty consuming. But I’m already beginning to experience what it feels like to channel and harness that energy so that I can consciously choose where I want it to go, how I want to experience it. Even as I write this, I can feel it humming through my body – quietly radiating from both pussy and my heart. It’s excruciatingly delicious.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I have masturbated both during our conversations and after, imagining the scenarios he describes playing out. I’ve also held off and breathed into the sexual hunger that emerges every time we connect, sat with it, gotten to know it. I sit with the disappointment of not being ready, of not feeling his touch yet. And I trust that I’ll eventually have the space in my brain to really know and understand what I’m consenting to, whether it’s with him (I hope it is) or with someone else. This isn’t a relationship in any traditional sense. It’s two people actively choosing to engage in exploring sensuality and sex for its own sake, nothing else.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) No penetrative sex happened
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have, Submission / Relinquishing power
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? I don’t know
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I’ve enthusiastically consented to our interactions so far.
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one knows about this right now. It’s my process and I’ll share if/when I’m ready.
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Anticipation, learning about my desire, trusting something I don’t yet understand.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Nothing bad – but the hardest part is sitting with my desire and not acting on it yet.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes, already. The honesty and communication is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. It’s taking me to a place of complete openness, beyond what I thought was possible for myself.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
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