by

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 33
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Wales
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Project Management
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Polyamorous
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 30-40
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

anonymous threesome

How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 and a half years ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Mr X and Y were friends (we’ll call them that but I use it loosely). One was a Ghanan and the other was of African and Indian heritage. Mr X was good looking, Mr Y, not really. I’d never met either of them before, all contact was online, and limited, at that. I’d had a couple of conversations by text or an app beforehand, where I had to illustrate my submissiveness in a variety of photos and videos. I had no idea what, or who to expect.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? One night I found myself in conversation on OkCupid with Mr Y. He told me how he and Mr X had regular threesomes with women, taking them out for dinner and then going back to their hotel room for a night of sex. I was intrigued, I’d not had a threesome before. So we arranged it for a night I knew I would be in London. I arrived into Paddington after a 4 hour journey and two bottles of wine, and was met by Mr X, a taxi driver who then whisked me off to their hotel in Barking. Contrary to the picture painted by Mr Y, there was no meal or nice hotel. We were in a crappy bunk room in a Formula 1 hotel!

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I went into the room, and realized what I’d got myself into! Only my best friend knew where I was, and she was 300 miles away. I popped to the bathroom (swanky hotel, remember- it was down the corridor and shared with several others!) and freshened up, wondering if I could make a run for it.
I headed back to the room, and sat staring awkwardly at my lap for a while, before Mr Y started barking demands. The threesome quickly started, and I had the two men in most of my holes at once. If one was in my ass, the other was in my mouth, or my vagina, and whichever hole was empty generally had fingers pushed in it. It felt like it lasted for hours. Mr X was a really lovely person, which helped, but Mr Y was an arse. I remember at one point in the night, Mr Y went to the toilet and Mr X said that he couldn’t spoon me in bed, or have me lying in his arms, because Mr Y would get jealous, and things could get nasty.

Emotionally, I didn’t enjoy the threesome at all; but physically my body responded. I squirt when I orgasm, so the bed was soaked, and we were all trying to sleep in this tiny double. There was a small bunk up top, but I wouldn’t let Mr X leave my side, and Mr Y wouldn’t leave Mr X alone with me, or let me leave. I laid there for ages, until I heard Mr Y snoring, and I crept onto the floor with a piece of dry sheet, put my headphones in and laid in the dark, wishing for the sun to hurry up and rise. I could see I’d had several missed calls from my husband and my mother, I learned later that both of them had had really bad feelings about me, and this was worsened when they couldn’t reach me. At around 5am, Mr Y was getting ready to go to work and wanted sex again before he left. I was sore from the night before, and although the threesome had been something I wanted to do, random sex wasn’t. However, his behavior, and Mr X’s warning from the night before stopped me from protesting too much, although I did try to feign sleep and ignore him, until I realized he was going to take me whether I participated or not. I don’t think of it as rape, I’d already consented the night before, but it certainly didn’t feel like consensual sex. I felt like a vicar’s wife in some awful Victorian story, just led there, taking it, letting him take his pleasure, and a little piece of me while he was at it.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The following morning, Mr X took me to a friend’s house in London, where I showered well and responded to my missed calls. I lied to both of them, saying that I’d been out with friends and didn’t hear my calls. The fact that I’d put myself in a dangerous position, and that they had been concerned, even though they were oblivious to my plan, really hit me.
The night had started out with condoms, and at some point, oblivious to me until they’d come, they got taken off. Because of the heritage of the guys, I ended up having to have a full STI screen done, including returning checks for HIV.
When I got home, I told my husband everything. We had a few tears and it wasn’t an easy conversation, but he’d said a long time ago that I could have one, so he couldn’t argue with it. Sex was limited while we waited for checks to come back, and I can remember the relief I felt when everything was negative. It was such a lesson for me though.
With regards to the guys, I loosely call Mr X a friend, although I haven’t seen him since that night. We keep in touch fairly regularly, and share our exploits. We chat and moan about Mr Y, who he has since fallen out with.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Condoms, IUD (Intrauterine device)

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have

How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My husband and my mum. They were both very supportive. I haven’t told them all of the details. They know the bits that they, as individuals, need to know.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Somewhat

Why do you regret this hookup? Because I didn’t think it through carefully. There were other guys, who I know well, that I could have experimented with. Instead I chose two guys I didn’t know, went to a hotel and anything could have happened. I was really lucky. More than the hookup, I regret Mr Y more than anything. I regret not telling him to get off me in the morning, I regret being too scared to act.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Meeting Mr X, and the experience itself. I had wondered what it would feel like, and now I know. Sometimes I’d like to have another one, but I don’t know if that will ever happen.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Mr Y’s attitude and behaviour. The fear that what he would do if I said no, would be worse than just lying there. Not knowing if Mr X would have my back, or if he would be too scared or unable to help.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes and no. Ultimately, when it comes to sex, I love it. At the time I was in a bad place and I wasn’t getting my sexual needs met. That led to some errant behaviour. I am quite kinky, I go to munches and meet people. If my husband was open to a non monogamous marriage, then I would be open to casual sex (but protected). As it stands, I am monogamous, and casual sex is difficult to have with your husband of several years! But I still believe that sex of all kinds can be positive, and that a relationship isn’t a prerequisite. I’ve had plenty of casual sex that has been great. I think that if you’re confident within yourself then that sense of novelty and the unknown can really heighten your experiences.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? If you don’t want it, say no. Scream blue murder until someone comes to help you, even if you feel like a complete twit. And always, always, always, make sure that they have a condom on.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think casual sex definitely has a place. Until recently my husband wasn’t willing to indulge in the kinkier side of things, and I seriously considered going elsewhere. Luckily we’ve worked out a compromise and things are great.
I hate that women are called sluts/ slags/ tramps/ bikes and men are just studs. Sex can be great for a woman, AND we can orgasm so many ways and times. That is a beautiful thing and should be embraced. We are sexual beings, not labels. I want this stigma to change. Sex should be all encompassing in whatever way you want it (legally, that is). I’m lucky that I can talk about my sex life freely to my friends, my mum and my husband. I’ve been sexually active since I lost my virginity (counts backwards…) 17 years ago. I don’t think I’ve ever not slept with a boyfriend, and I’ve slept with plenty of people who haven’t been boyfriends. Sex can make you feel amazing; we should all be having more of it!

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s interesting and a great idea!

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!