by M.G.

Gender: Female
Age: 47
Race/ethnicity: White
Current location: United States
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
Occupation: Writer/Educator
Relationship status: Single
Religious affiliation: Recovering Catholic
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexual orientation/sexuality better/best? Between mostly het and bisexual.  I identified as a lesbian for 12 years before leaving a 10-year relationship with a woman, and now I am attracted to men, but I don’t exclude any possibility in the future.  I usually tell people to identify me as whatever makes *them* most comfortable.
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 55
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Back In The Saddle

How long ago did this hookup happen? Less than a week

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? First of more

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We met on OKCupid, texted for a week before he came over to my place.  I wasn’t planning on having sex, but it wasn’t totally off the table either.  He is an average looking guy (5’9″, brown hair, average physique), but he has really kind eyes.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? The hookup began at my apartment around 11:00 pm after he’d come back from a road trip for work. We’d been texting all week, then on Saturday we texted all day and he asked if I’d like to meet.  I was wary about inviting him over because I’d had a close call with a guy at my place last year and as a result I don’t really invite strangers over to my place (I usually meet guys at a neutral location and I don’t usually have sex on the first meeting). I told him that sex was not going to be an option, and he was okay that, so he brought a bottle of wine over and we planned to watch a movie.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We started with kissing, which led to him sucking my nipples and that led to me straddling his lap and grinding on him while I sucked his fingers, which led to me giving him a blow job, which led to vaginal sex with me on top.

It felt absolutely amazing!  I was scared of having sex because nine months ago I had a hysterectomy that resulted in nerve damage and even though I’ve been masturbating with a dildo for months, there are still some issues with pain.  I was worried that it would hurt too much or that the guy would be turned off by my need to be in control and go slow.

He was absolutely understanding about what I needed and encouraged me to do whatever I needed to do to make it feel good.  THE SEX WAS AMAZING!  He didn’t push for anything, but he communicated what he liked/wanted and then we figured out how to do what we could.

Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? We both had an orgasm while I stroked his cock and my clit and he fingered me.  It was an amazing orgasm!!

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? We had already discussed STI history earlier in the week, and we used condoms for vaginal sex.  I can’t get pregnant (thank goodness!), and I think that made sex so much better for me because the possibility of pregnancy has terrorized me my entire life.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? Before my surgery I was sexually active and I wanted to have sex again, but I’ve been scared that it would hurt.  This hookup was the result of reaching a point of wanting my sex life back and being willing to take a chance on someone who had been responsive in a way that made me feel comfortable.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? We each had a half a glass of wine.  I don’t think the alcohol did more than simply serve as a prop.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt good about it!  We exchanged texts and have discussed hooking up again, but he’s been good about not getting too chatty with me.

I view him as a potential friend with benefits, but if that doesn’t work out, I’m okay with it, too.  I am just happy that it was a good experience!

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My therapist.  I think she was kind of concerned about whether I was okay, but was glad that I felt empowered and that it was good.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Consensual for both of us.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? Not a single bit.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best thing about it is that I feel like I own my sexuality again!  I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to have good sex because of the surgery.

The worst thing is that I’m questioning my choice to invite a stranger into my apartment.  I don’t want to get comfortable doing that because I’m scared of sexual violence.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? For me, sex after my hysterectomy is WAY BETTER than sex was before it!  I am not at all stressed about getting pregnant and for whatever reason my sexual response/arousal is much better (I get wetter and it is easier for me to cum!).  I feel like this is a whole new chapter in my sexual life and I’m so incredibly excited to explore it!

I still have an awful case of self-slut shaming going on (my brain keeps telling me that this *one*experience was fine, but that I really shouldn’t be doing this more often), but I’ve also got the theoretical knowledge to continue to fight it, so I’ve got dates with a couple of guys this week and we’ll see what happens.  I do know that I’m not comfortable having sex with complete strangers, so I’ll do what I need to in order to make future sex comfortable for myself.

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