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What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 52
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Canada
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, Ph.D., JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Business Executive
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Sapiosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 12
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None

Ballgag Testing

How long ago did this hookup happen? Last Week

What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? She is 49, with flaming red hair and a fantastic body. We became friends on FetLife and corresponded over two weeks before we met at a munch. This was the third meeting in person. I am totally smitten by her sexual energy and sapiosexual nature. I was instantly attracted to her. She gave me her card and I messaged her on FetLife the next day.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We met for lunch when she traveled into the city to run an errand. She brought a ballgag that I had purchased for her on her previous visit, as well as her vibrator. She parked her car in an area of the parkade where we were (mostly) unnoticed. We both participated in the planning as I brought some leather cuffs and asked her to wear a skirt.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We went back to her car and sat in the back seat. She had never worn a ballgag before, so after some regular kissing we put the gag in her mouth and I buckled it behind her neck. We continued kissing, with me licking her lips around the gag and putting my whole mouth over the gag to kiss her. Then I started caressing the inside of her thighs. She wore stay-up stockings, so I was able to reach up and move her panties aside to rub her clit. I put my finger inside her to stroke her GSpot and she groaned. We stopped and pulled out the vibrator, and she used it on herself while I kissed her neck and then held her down on my lap. When she started to scream as she was coming I put my hand on her mouth so no one would hear us. I took the vibrator from her and cupped it in my hand and held against her. She started to grind her clit into the vibrator and came again while we locked eyes. She whimpered and nuzzled into my neck as her body quivered. We held each other for a few short minutes and then realized she was late so we parted quickly. Too quickly. We followed up by text to check on each other.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the hookup, I felt more alive than I had in years. The next day I wrote some erotica for her to show my gratitude. We are still figuring out our relationship, and we have both expressed a desire to see each other again and explore our kinky fantasies.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Discussed STI testing history, No penetrative sex happened

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, Power / Dominance, Didn’t want to disappoint my partner

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I made a journal entry on FetLife.
I have not told anyone about this hookup.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The magical, intimate connection and mutual discovery and fulfillment of our kinky fantasies

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Not scheduling properly. My time to hold her was far, far too short.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? My kinky side has always been repressed, as my wife is not interested in kink, fetishes, or anything erotic. This encounter helped me understand that someone else shares these same kinds of fantasies and craves these experiences.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? “Please sir, may I have some more”
Oliver Twist

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Through the work of Esther Perel, I have come to understand that monogamy is a challenging construct in today’s society. It is a lot to ask for one partner to be everything for another for many decades.
I hope that younger married couples will be able to talk about the spectrum of possibilities that are available in marriage, including swinging, consensual non-monogamy, open relationships, and polyamory and society does not get stuck in a “one size fits all” mindset to marriage.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Forums such as this one are fundamentally important to help people feel less shame and remorse about the various kinds of sex

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!

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