What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 34
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Switzerland
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? IT
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 12
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Being The Girlfriend Of A Married Man
How long ago did this hookup happen? About 12 years ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? J was a healthy and fit man in his mid 40s. He was a nuclear science researcher in Geneva, where I was studying back then. He is from Germany and so did not spend his entire time in Geneva. He would travel between his home and Geneva frequently, spending weeks in Geneva at a time. In the year we were together, he would have spent maybe 4 months in Geneva. At home, J had a wife and children. I knew that. J is an extremely intelligent man with many skills. He has a doctorate degree in physics and speaks very good French. He is also good at sports and has great endurance. Mostly, I admired his deserved confidence.
I was 22 when this affair happened. I had fantasied about being submissive and wanted to experiment with this. I was at the point where I wanted to put this to practice and found it fit to choose an older man to see whether I really liked that kind of sex. I knew J from tennis. We were using the same court and had chatted. He had told me about his kids at home and that he was married. That was before he really started to chat me up. Maybe it was a strange move to tell me that when he wanted to have an affair, or more likely he told me this before he considered having an affair with me. Nevertheless, it did not deter him from pursuing me, or at least I felt that that was what J was doing. Since I felt it was time for my experiment, I considered J to be the perfect candidate. So I flirted back and I admired how confidently he just asked me out despite our age difference and the fact that I knew that he’d be adultering in case something happened between us.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? J invited me to go to a restaurant with him. Before going there, I had decided that I would oblige if he were to instigate sex on the first date. That felt appropriate for my experiment of relinquishing power. It really came to that, and J was the one who instigated everything. He asked me out, he made the move to kiss me. He asked me to go home with him after we had made out in public. I felt very excited when I said yes to that.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We went to the small apartment that some university had rented for him for the time he was in Geneva. We made out again. I decided to push it by stripping naked in front of him. I loved the feeling of just doing that. It was somehow liberating. I also loved how J just stayed cool and acted as if he just took that for granted and continued fooling around with me, staying fully clothed. Only when I started opening his pants, did he suggest we should take it to the bedroom where he stripped as well. I remember how we started with me giving him oral and he came into my mouth. I swallowed his sperm and he also acted as if that was just normal.
Later that night, we had strong intercourse which I remember as being deeply satisfying for me. I felt that my experiment had been successful, everything about relinquishing power to an older, strong male felt just as good as I had imagined it to be. What was an interesting twist was that on the one hand, I enjoyed J’s great confidence that he gave the appearance that him having sex with a woman less than half his age, who, on top of that, also knew that he was adultering, was completely normal. On the other hand, I felt it strange and maybe even slightly humiliating that he never made a comment about it. This hurt me a little bit and I felt that he should have said something to point out the uniqueness of our relationship and how happy he should feel that he got so lucky to experience this. I realized, however, that not displaying this surprise and feeling lucky is part of the game and it would have lowered him a tiny bit if he would have done that. So it was better that he took it for granted that I was happy to be his young mistress.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We had an affair for a little bit over a year. Then, his contract ran out and he would not be working in Geneva anymore. We broke up our relationship then. We stopped having any contact with each other soon afterward. J would contact me every time as soon as he would get to Geneva. I spent a lot of time in his apartment, we had lots of sex.
Even though J never did something really kinky and dominating in the BDSM sense, I felt dominated by him in a way I really enjoyed. He would instigate sex a lot, take me whenever he felt like it. He liked it that i enjoy giving oral to the point that I swallow sperm. We did this a lot. We tried anal sex, but I did not find this satisfying, so we dropped that. J never pressed me to do something I did not like. J was sexually very strong and could, despite his age, ejaculate more than once during a night.
J was always nice to me. He certainly was the one in control in this relationship, but that was how I wanted it anyway. I just really got what I asked for. I know that he took advantage of me, but he never did so in a mean way. J was not shy to be seen in public with me, he just tried to avoid that his colleagues would see me because he might get a bad reputation because he was cheating on his wife. It felt great to kiss in public with him with other men giving us envious looks. I did not feel bad about him cheating on his wife. Because I asked him, he told me that he was still having sex with her. J never gave me any indication that he felt guilt towards his wife for cheating on her.
I just took it and at times saw myself as J’s wife away from home, as a second wife of a polygamist, so to speak. I have to admit that it felt weird at times when he was talking on the telephone with his wife or children, while I was around, often naked. I started going on birth control because of J. That really made me feel like his second wife. It did feel good. I never had any negative feelings towards J’s wife, nor did I want him to divorce her so he could just be with me. I just accepted this role of being his secondary wife. It fit in well with my enjoyment of being submissive, I guess. I thus never resented J for not confessing to his wife that he had me.
We broke off in friendly terms. It was just not possible to have an affair when he had no reason to go to Geneva.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant
What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have, Submission / Relinquishing power
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I had no other partner than J at this time, so I did tell some of my friends about him. They found it strange that I was doing that, some people were shocked and questioned my ethics. I remember a friend actually getting to know J and afterward admitting to me that he is hot.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Learning about my sexuality. I enjoyed both the sex and friendship with J.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Waiting until the next time he’d come to Geneva. J not really being part of my circle of friends, friends resenting me for having a relationship with an adultering older man. I could never tell my parents about it. They just thought that I was single at that time.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I learned that I like to be submissive. Just letting your ego go, not playing power games, let someone else take control. It feels liberating.
Later, I learned that this is enjoyable for me, but not the only way I can enjoy relationships and sexuality.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I have had casual sex a few times in my life and I feel it can be very rewarding. It allows me to delve into my submissive side. I have had several one-night stands. I like offering myself to a man that I just met. I sometimes miss this now that I am in a long term relationship. Maybe I can somehow negotiate with my partner that I can have occasional one-night stands?
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