What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 22
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Asia
What country and/or city do you live in? Ningbo
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Software engineer
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 16
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Best First Date
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 years ago
What was your relationship status at the time? In a relationship (open)
How would you best classify this hookup? Sex with an ex
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met him through a dating website. He was volunteering in my country and he changed his profile location 2 weeks prior to his arrival so he popped up in my feed, we matched and started talking. He was intelligent, rational, fair, open-minded, non-judgmental, funny. We exchanged long messages a few times a day until he arrived. I was fascinated and excited. We met that same night. I drove to pick him up and I got out of my car to hug this mountain of a man. Sexy, tall, nice voice, good manners.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? That night of the day he arrived, he mentioned he has to move from one place to another because the accommodation plans had changed and didn’t know if he will have finish early enough. I know the city and I have a car so I offered to help him move. He agreed and we decided to move him first, leave his belongings and go out. I picked him up and we decided on giving him a tour of the city with my car, a night ride we both mentioned we liked. After that, we bought some drinks and went to sit on the beach. We didn’t stop talking the whole time. I eventually got up and went to the water. Lifted my dress up and went in the shallow waters, just walking around. He did the same, came in front of me, touched my face and kissed me. I commented he’s fast with his moves (I really did not expect the kiss, but it was very welcomed). We got back to the sand, laid down and started making out. We both realized it’s about to go down but the beach wasn’t isolated enough for me. I offered to pause now and drive to another beach close by which would make me more comfortable. He agreed. We moved. We fucked on that beach. Proceeded with the night drive a little longer and I dropped him wherever he was staying.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? It was my first time being with a black man. I’ve always wanted it, never had the chance until then. I also didn’t have a history of casual dates like this back then. I was just starting to explore my adventurous side, so my behavior during this date was completely unprecedented. However, we made out on the first beach, he finger fucked me. I was feeling his boner and I was wet af. To this day, never had I felt my body so eager and ready to give itself to someone else. He was firm and gentle at the same time. His grip was tight but his kisses were soft. His touch was asserting but respectful. I knew at any point I could stop it and he wouldn’t make it a problem, he would have understood, but the last thing I wanted was for him to stop. We moved to the second beach. That btw required driving through forests, no street light roads, no people around and a 10 minute walk through a side road. All in all, a very sketchy place for 2 virtual strangers to be at, but we somehow trusted each other from the get-go. We fucked on the beach until he came. I don’t come in general and he knew about it already. He also knew I am completely satisfied without. So we got up, both feeling good about what just happened, got dressed and went back on the road, windows down, The Weeknd playing loudly.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I dropped him off and went home. I woke up in a giggly mood and saw a text from him saying he had a great time. We arranged to meet again. And again. And again until his 2 weeks in my country were gone and he had to leave. We both cried at the airport. We didn’t expect it to be more than a fling but we ended up feeling very strongly about each other and still do to this day. We entered a LDR and he came to visit me 4 months after that. We spent another 2 weeks together. After 4 more months of LDR, we broke it off upon his request. We are still in good terms, still in each other lives to some extent, still caring, still hoping somehow someday, we will be in the same city for more than 2 weeks.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Discussed STI testing history
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Making new friends, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it
How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My best friend and my Dom. My best friend was a little shocked I did what I did, mostly because it was unprecedented. But she was excited for me nonetheless as she saw I really like him. My Dom was happy and proud. He was working really hard to help me grow from a shy person with no confidence to a confident young woman and he was happy to see the fruits of his effort. I would not have been able to do it had I not known my Dom.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It was real, spontaneous, adventurous, exciting. The best first date I’ve ever had. It left me knowing an awesome person
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That I can’t relive it?
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes, definitely. I was just starting to explore this direction. After him, there were a lot more but he set up a high bar. It showed me I have no problems taking my clothes off with someone I had just (physically) met, which I previously was worried about. I thought I needed a long time of reassurance that he is indeed attracted to me and that indeed thinks I’m sexy before I get in bed with him. Not true. I felt sexy, I felt confident, I felt in control. It didn’t matter that I met him 3 hours ago. I didn’t fear I would be a one night stand for him and didn’t even question whether he would call me again. I learned that a first date could be real and substantial regardless of whether you will meet once or it is just the beginning of a story.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? It changed my life. Among the many other benefits, I found my confidence, sexual and otherwise. It made me reflect on my emotions and actions more often, which ultimately grew into better emotional and rational habits. I learned to communicate concisely and efficiently, I learned how to be straight forward and honest from the get go. I learned how to be myself shamelessly.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s great, we need it
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