by LittleTroubleMaker


Gender: Female
Age: 23
Race/ethnicity: Greek/Canadian
Current location: Greece
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
Occupation: University student and tutor
Relationship status: Single
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexual orientation/sexuality better/best? I wouldn’t mind trying hooking up with a girl but don’t consider myself bi.
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 6
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Bittersweet Fuck Affair

How long ago did this hookup happen? We met 5-6 years ago and last time was like 10 months ago.

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Fuck-buddies

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? My fuck buddy was 22 when I met him, I was almost 17. He was a bit taller than me gorgeous black hair and beard.. We met at a party and the chemistry and lust was instant.. We ended up dancing and kissing without even introducing ourselves. It was a Halloween party and I was dressed as a leopard and felt like a predator, I remember trying not to “attack” him from the moment I laid eyes on him. I really really wanted him, bad!

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? After the party I found out he was involved. I didn’t care, I didn’t want to see him again or anything but he lived really close to me and it wasn’t long until we saw each other again at another party (I was dressed as a normal human being that time). I remember going up to him and starting small talk but it wasn’t long until we were in his car making out. After a few months we went out for the first time, he knew I knew he had a girlfriend, I didn’t care all I could think about was his hands on me and his tongue in my mouth. That’s when it all started. Our little secret “friendship”.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We had a lot of hookups over the years, I think it lasted almost 4 years. What sexual behaviors took place? Oral, vaginal, anal nothing too kinky… We mostly screwed in his car after going out for drinks or my house and sometimes his (he lived with his parents and I lived with my siblings who weren’t always there). I always felt respected even though the sex was dirty. During it, I felt good and the thought that it was so wrong made it even more intense. We trusted each other in a weird twisted very unique way. Sometimes we would cuddle or hold hands but pull back the minute we got self-conscious again. We knew we couldn’t get attached. The sex was very passionate we looked into each others eyes, there was something there. We didn’t use each other for sex, we liked seeing each other, we talked and laughed. He talked about everything even his girlfriend, I mostly talked about my job or my hobbies (nothing too personal) and he would always ask personal questions and I would always answer vaguely. He was a good lover, we were good together. It ended several times but I think it ended a few weeks after he broke up with his girlfriend. Ironically?

Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? Yes (but not the first time) and yes.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? We discussed it very freely and felt we could trust each other enough to enjoy oral sex but always used condoms for intercourse… Almost…

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? Lust, Passion, Honesty, Comfort.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Alcohol was in the picture and maybe some cigarettes that you have to roll but nothing too shocking or too dangerous.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We avoided sleeping over. I always felt excited and alive after it but it wasn’t long until I felt guilty. I named this hookup bittersweet because I never had sex with him while involved so he was the answer when I felt horny or lonely (when I had no boyfriend or had just broken up with one). I actually always found myself feeling even more lonely the day after we’d seen each other. To be honest I was kind of addicted to it all, not him, not the sex, just this feeling I had while being with him cause we always did silly things together. Skinny dipping at night, getting drunk etc… NOW? There is no future, just nice little memories. I wish him well, I feel we know each other in a way no one else knows us, that’s nice.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Some of my close friends knew. They didn’t understand why I couldn’t stop seeing him. They didn’t understand why ME, a nice, pretty, smart, together gal could accept being “the other woman”.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Yes and YES.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? No but I’m not proud of it either.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Best thing? I felt so alive, it was so passionate. Worst thing? I felt guilty and occasionally found myself jealous of his girlfriend. This hookup made me realize what I want from men, how easy it is for someone to cheat and why some people cheat. It made me realize what I like, it made me more mature, more proud of my body, more comfortable with my sexuality.

 

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? Even though I wasn’t the one cheating I felt guilty. Also, this experience made me realize trust is really hard to find in a relationship but in the end your gut is always right.

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