What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 30
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? US
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Artist
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Wiccan / Pagan
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Pansexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? For so long I thought I was a lesbian but just hiding it and being hetero, then came out as a lesbian and realized I like it all, not just one gender but usually based on types of connections.
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 5 Male Partners with Oral & Intercourse 8 Male Partners with me giving oral only and 4 Female Partners with both giving and receiving oral and Intercourse
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None but I may post more!
Black Man Kink Finally Explored
How long ago did this hookup happen? Still continuing, off and on physically for 2 years before becoming physical we had been talking all day every day for around 4 years via social media & text as it was long distance
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met him when I was 15. I had my first job at McDonald’s after school. His father was my manager at the time & he had come in to visit him and was accompanied by his wife at the time (who was also white). When I first saw him I realized we were looking at each other as if we had known each other already. He smiled and flashed his beautiful white teeth between his amazingly perfect lips, I blushed and pretended to keep working. He was muscular, and a little taller than me, I am 5’4 so he’s probably 5’7 or so. I remember thinking then how perfect his skin was, color and texture and that he seemed so gentle yet so manly. If that makes sense. I could tell then that he was a gentleman, just by the way he carried himself. His skin color was a perfect mocha color, his nose perfectly shaped and cute. His eyes told a story, at the time he had short hair, sometimes a mohawk. And the lips. My god the lips. Perfect size shape color all of it. His voice was deep, but not overbearing. He laughed and seemed just an overall beautiful person. Before him, I’d thought about dating black men before because they seemed to be more attracted to me and seemed to be a little more assertive and what I was looking for but didn’t realize it at the time being a young virgin 15-year-old. I didn’t know that I could need or want different things, like being submissive, etc. Those things weren’t something in my vocabulary so when he gave me those feelings it was all new to me. Sex was just sex to me, as a teenager raised like I was you just didn’t “mix races” or “be gay”. Other than that it was just sticking a dick in a hole is all I knew. Bible belt logic I suppose. I’ll admit I was a bit naive, though it was appropriate for my age I suppose.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Fast forward the better part of a decade. I had moved to another town 4 hours away shortly after my 16th birthday, and by age 24 had been through coming out of the closet, had a daughter at 19 after losing my virginity at 18, numerous wrecks of failed relationship attempts, and several long term relationships both male and female partners. I was looking for something but just couldn’t find it. By this time myspace had come and gone (we were briefly friends on myspace but it ended abruptly because his wife was jealous of any female on the site) and Facebook was a new rage. I found both his father and him on Facebook and added him. I messaged him and just started a casual conversation. We went from talking a few times a week to daily in an instant. At the time I had just ended a relationship with a female and was in the process of beginning a new one with a female also. He was also in an in and out complicated situation. He still is now, and so am I. Eventually, after 14 years of being in this town I was ready to return to my hometown and had been planning to for months after a falling out with my mom who had also moved to the new town when I was 15. While talking to him as only friends he would tell me how beautiful I am, and it was a genuine compliment but I never thought of it as omg are we a thing. We were just really close good friends and he always had the best interests for me. Always wanted me happy. We could talk about our relationships and sex life and it was fine. We comforted each other from far away in times when we needed that connection. Around the time I was set to move back he made a comment that “if we both were ever single I could only hope you would give me a chance”. It was then and only then it had even crossed my mind. Like holy shit what if this is the person ive been looking for for so long? We had nothing and everything in common and it was a beautiful blend of intelligent convo, sarcasm, music loving, bdsm interests, and could literally talk about any and everything from food to childhood pain etc. He never judged me. He always just thought the passion in me was beautiful and perfect. That I was a catch and that the people I was giving my time to took it for granted. Within the second week of being back home, I put it off out of fear. He has only seen pics at this point not the real deal in over 15 years. What if the meet up is a let down? What if its anticlimactic for either of us? What if its super awkward as we have done nothing but talk on the phone a few times and loads of text over the years. Its different in person. I finally met him. I went to his house and I did it. I was nervous the whole way but I did it. He met me outside with that same smile and a hug. He wasnt disappointed, he was happy to finally feel my presence. I wasnt disappointed either I was in love.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We talked for a little while, just like we always did. Had some wine as we both love wine. It was like chill laughter and genuine good times. Our favorite music was playing, movies, the works. He sat near me and all it took was his hand on my thigh and I completely melted. We kissed and made out for a good part of the time. His hands made mine feel tiny, he felt safe. He would put his arms around me and I felt the safest I’ve ever felt in my life. We didnt have sex that night, we just felt each others presence and it was everything I’d ever hoped for. Days went by and I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Both of us being in a relationship, it was hard to get our schedules together for meet up. But we did, several more times and eventually, it led to sex. I felt so comfortable with him. He knew I wanted to be dominated and he did it in the most loving and passionate way, it was beautiful. The first few times we were nervous but it felt too good and I’d lose the nerves and just completely climax over and over after losing myself in the whole ordeal. His cock was thick and seemed like it just kept getting bigger and bigger. His nipples were pierced and he loved them being messed with, it was an instant on switch for him. I loved being on my knees for him, sucking him to ecstasy, I loved the way he would look at me when he would put my legs up and slide into me. He loved my scent and over the course of weeks expressed his oral fixation and need to eat pussy. His gf lives separately and they dont see each other often, and she would neglect him just as mine would me so we both needed each other. He made me feel beautiful. His lips on my pussy lips was the best feeling ive ever experienced. He took his time, took cues from me and discovered where i liked it best. He wasnt scared to get in there and get messy. He was obsessed with my scent. He liked to bend me over and eat my ass and play with my pussy. He liked to watch my face when he would make me cum. We were so comfortable we could laugh during sex if we needed to, he would hold me, caressing my body passionately. It wasnt just fucking, we knew each other mentally for so long so connected, so close, it just made sense to be connected physically so thats what we did. It was inevitable like a moth to a flame. We couldnt resist the passion between us. I would make him cum but he was never satisfied until he made me orgasm at least twice. At least. He loved to please. He knew how to be in charge and controlling but as a gentleman. He loved when I would talk dirty to him and say his name. Sometimes he would just put his big cock inside of me and I would just make him stay there. Inside of my body, inside of my mind. This man has completely learned everything about me good and bad and wants it. Wants it all. I’d never felt anything like that, true unconditional passionate love. A beautiful exchange between two individuals who need each other as their peace.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Of course, I felt guilty. I still do. But i need him. We have gone back and forth bc I want more, but I also understand that we cant just leave our current situations. Too much involved with kids, long history, financially, etc.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, Submission / Relinquishing power
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one. Absolutely no one.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Connecting to an amazing person. Being so intimate and close.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Its too complicated, but i hope one day it will lead to us being together monogamously. It does hurt because I am in love with him and he is in love with me.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes absolutely
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? You’re free to do as you please. As long as it is safe and consensual, people should be more open about sex and intimate connections.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Its awesome.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!