What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 44
What’s your race/ethnicity? Black
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Consultant
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Black & White
How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 weeks ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He (we will call him Mat) was Caucasian, tall, bald, middle-aged, very handsome. Somewhat timid. I only knew the little bit we shared about each other as we corresponded via email. We met via an ad on Craigslist. Men seeking women. We are two married people in sexless marriages seeking sexual pleasuring in a casual, but “monogamous relationship.” I have vetted many……..I have experience working with internet crimes, so I can tell by how a poster writes whether or not they are decent or not. He made me feel safe, that he cared about the same things that I did. I’m Black, and he’s White. I don’t have an issue with race, but I know many men (and people in general) that do. I respect that. So we exchanged pictures, were thoroughly pleased with what we saw. There was a physical attraction in addition to the mental connection via exchange of emails. We met once in person prior to connecting to ensure we were who we said we were in a safe public place. We live in separate towns so he traveled to meet me. Also a positive sign.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? The hookup began online. It was very intentional (for the obvious aforementioned reasons). What led to it……….sexless marriages. Begging for sex. Not being touched. My spouse putting covers between us so that his body doesn’t touch mines. He’s impotent and has no desire for sex, and no desire to discuss it. He’s 10 years older than me. I’m in my sexual prime (and hot like a fire cracker) and he is as cold as the Antarctic. It’s my second marriage, his third……our kids are grown. We have other issues/reasons/concerns for not calling it quits, and we’ve separated before…….tried to make it work. Life isn’t Black and White, and one persons doesn’t stop living because the other has decided to die. I decided to take my own sexuality and my needs into my own hands. Planning is always involved in having an affair. I instigated it. After we met in person and decided that we were “compatible” and physically attracted to each other, we decided to do the deed. I am his first Black lover. Mat is not my first White lover, nor is he my first affair. He’s my first one in my 2nd one in my new town. The first was long-term (over a year in length). I found a place (a hotel) where we could hook up, and unlike many of these scenarios, I paid for the room made the arrangements. I desired for his first encounter to be a good one. He wanted it as much as I did if not moreso. I think the desire of a secret rendezvous with someone that was prospectively (and outwardly) taboo in his social circles was the allure.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? During our hook up it was………..nice. It was a little awkward at first because it was our first time, his first encounter with a Black woman. He wanted to see a lot, he was timid. We performed oral on each other. He made me cum orally which is a huge plus. He did this thing with his mouth, tongue, and inserting his fingers in my vagina/anus at the same time. It was awesome. There was lots of foreplay. I have large breast……and my skin is golden, very few scars. He gawked over it quite a bit. He loved my breasts…he squeezed and rubbed them gently…..just right. There was no kinky stuff. He finished (climaxed) with vaginal sex………and he enjoyed every moment.
Mat felt good to me. He gave me what I was missing. He touched my body, looked into my eyes, hugged and kissed me. We cuddled when we finished and talked which was important to both of us. He was gentle, kind, and considerate. I felt as though I had to be attentive to his needs and considerate that being with me was out of his norms. He was a good lover. We talked about politics (he was Pro-Trump and I supported neither major party candidate). He’s a cop…….so we discussed his job. We discussed race, and our different views. We had real, intimate conversations that you are not able to have with friends or loved ones. It ended with us both having to leave and get back to our real lives. It was a morning, day-time romp. We walked away deciding that we could be “monogamous affair” partners.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the hookup, he walked me to my car all smiles, gave me a hug and kiss, thanked me for being a real person and meeting his needs. Kind of a mix of business and pleasure. The next day……….it was no big deal. We were keeping in touch daily prior to the deed…….we still communicate daily. It’s just sex right now. I feel no attachment, he feels no attachment. We know enough about each other to know there is no way that we would/could ever be more than sex partners. We will (and have seen each other in the future).
How do I feel about them……..hmmmmmm. Well, I’m an intellect and like/need consistency, mental stimulation, and truth. I think he is a good person. I respect him for the sacrifices he makes to protect the public. I’m a polite, nice, respectful woman (I’d like to think so anyway) and he’s a brash, crast, unapologetic kind of redneck (not racist person…….just culturally if you know what I mean). We are different, and I know this. For the moment, it doesn’t bother me because all we want and need from each other is the sex. I don’t see myself falling in love with him or him with me…….I see him more as a connection, someone you meet. You can say you him/her know, and then move on.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Withdrawal
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Revenge / Getting even, Boredom
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My best friend and another friend that don’t live in the same state, are not related to me, and do not have a relationship with my spouse or his family. They reacted neutrally. Happy that I am attempting to find some pleasure, sad that I’m in a loveless sexless marriage. A little concerned about the method I used to locate him, but accepting.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? He could meet during hours that worked for me, and he was willing to travel to me (an hour drive).
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? His penis size was a little small, and it was not as long as I would have liked.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Nope……….it’s my life, my body, my happiness, and my needs. I’m in charge of all of it.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? We are open-minded, respectful, and considerate of our situations. We understand we are not the first or last ones to connect this way, and there is no condemnation.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I wished that people would be honest about sex, especially in marriages. Not addressing sexual needs, being dismissive about sexual needs/wants and desires, addressing peaks and aging, not admitting how much of a priority sex is in marriage is a huge down fall I believe. We do ourselves a great disservice by not being honest about sex. So many people cheat. So many people are not sexually fulfilled and we have to move outside of our relationships in order to have those needs and desires met. I wish society would stop acting as if sex is bad and sex outside the context of marriage was good. I would like to see more people discuss open marriages, because so many marriages are not able to address the sexual needs of their partners. I laught because some of the most convicting individuals fit one of two ends of a spectrum. One end of the spectrum is the righteous tight-wad that doesn’t even know they have a problem in their own bedroom because they are so busy judging others they don’t have time to address their own issues. The other is the fraud, living a lie in sexually unfulfilled marriage…….and they are secretly seeking casual sex by a variety of means. Sexual views need to change. Yeah, yeah, yeah………I have heard if you don’t want to be married…….blah blah blah…..but life is complicated. Nothing is Black and White. It’s easy to get into, hard as hell to get out of, people change, life happens, shit happens…..and divorce leaves both parties in financial ruins. That’s why people stay together and hookup secretly. No easy fix. Which needs do you prioritize? At some stage in life……….you (the individual) become important. Not your kids, not your parents, not your job, not home, not your status or title…….your pussy and/or your penis along with your emotions take priority. It’s complicated…..
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I love this site.
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