by Reader

Gender: Female
Age: 45
Race/ethnicity: White
Location: Georgia
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
Occupation: Therapist
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
Sexual orientation: Mostly heterosexual
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Blue collar

How long ago did this hookup happen? 1 month

How would you best classify this hookup? booty call

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met him at work. It took 6 months of going to happy hour with him before we talked enough that I thought he was interesting. (A blue-collar single, age-appropriate Black guy that listened to NPR!). He hits all my physical markers for attractiveness–bald, facial hair, six feet tall or more, and dark-skinned.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? After a few weeks of us being the last of our group left at the restaurant, and the way the conversation flowed, and the texts that started, I finally figured out SOMETHING was going to happen. I thought he just wanted to be friends at first. I was dense. The evening we first kissed, I knew I would end up at his house. I left the bar when he did and he said he’d bought a six-pack of the beer he knew I liked and did I want to go to his house and have one. I did. He asked if he could kiss me (I’m married). I said OK, and it was not a friendly, getting-to-know-you kiss,  it was a I’m-going-to-have-your-jeans-off-in-two-minutes kiss. I got out of there fast. It was several more weeks, and several more visits, before I finally let him.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Oral and vaginal the first time. He said, “You’re so sexy, you know that, right?” I didn’t come, but that’s my penance for cheating. I still love how he feels inside me, and everything that goes along with it. He kisses me the way I dream about being kissed.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? We used a condom, but after several hook-ups, he started going inside without and only putting a condom on when he was ready to cum. We talked a few times about how it’s stupid to do without…but it’s his responsibility. I’m monogamous with my husband and with him (Duogamous?). He’s not.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? I’m just so freaking attracted to him. And he actively pursued me. That doesn’t normally happen. It’s totally about the attraction.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? No.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I’ve kept the relationship/friendship going, because I don’t want this story to be about how I was used by a player, I want it to be about how we were friends, and mutually respected each other’s work and qualities, and enjoyed each other’s bodies and company.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I’ve only told my best friend. She’s concerned for my marriage and my soul, but lets me talk and doesn’t judge me. I can’t tell anyone else because the professional and personal fallout would be unbearable.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Totally.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? No.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The physical connection is the best. The worst is lying to my sweet spouse. It’s hard for me to accept I’m someone who would do this, but I don’t regret it. I’m so glad I got to share this experience with him.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? Just…it’s ongoing, and complicated, and I know I’m never going to leave my husband for him. He’s only the 2nd person I’ve had sex with, and I love that it happened, and that he’s who he is, and what we’ve shared physically and friendship-wise over 3 years. I don’t know how to end it, but I know it’s going to end.

Also…uncircumcised is soooo much better.  Who knew?

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