by Alicia

Gender: Female

Age: 37
Race/ethnicity: Caucasian
Location: San Francisco
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
Occupation: Senior Manager
Relationship status: Single
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Mostly gay/lesbian
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Bookstore Encounter

How long ago did this hookup happen? 6 Months

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Random encounter

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met a girl quite by chance at a large retail bookstore. It turned out that we were both huge fans of Agnes Obel, who was playing on the PA, so we were talking about music. I was awkward, because she was very beautiful, and also much younger than me, maybe 20. She had gorgeous long blond hair with pink highlights, a perfect face, still with some adorable baby fat, and these amazing, luminous eyes.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I was in the midst of  a *2 year* dry period, due mainly to work-related demands and stress, as well as an episode of clinical depression, and my self-esteem was very compromised. I had gone much of that time experiencing little in the way of desire. But, I felt myself becoming incredibly aroused by her. I was so frustrated, because I didn’t have the confidence to act on my feelings, and I was way too insecure about our age difference. I found myself talking on automatic pilot, my inner world was consumed with thoughts of ravishing her. I realized she had stopped talking and was just looking at me oddly. I was so embarrassed, I wanted to apologize but I didn’t know what to say, I opened my mouth but nothing came out. She just smiled at me shyly, took me by the hand and led me to the women’s bathroom.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Luckily the bathroom was very nice and clean, about as nice as one could hope for. And empty. We locked ourselves in a stall and started kissing deeply. I will never forget her sweet smell, the feel of her body pressed against mine, the taste of her soft mouth. She sat me down on the toilet seat, sat on her butt in front of me and started tugging at my panties.

I started feeling nervous and insecure again. I don’t have a perfect body, nor a perfect body image, especially not down there. My last girlfriend complained that my taste was too strong and musky, and wouldn’t eat me, no matter how I cleaned myself. I don’t like the way my clit is big, how it pokes out when I’m aroused. And since I wasn’t dating I hadn’t shaved there in a long time, and I get so hairy when I neglect that.

I lifted up and let her pull down my panties, half expecting she would withdraw in revulsion. Instead she licked me from my perineum up to my clit, gently drawing it through her lips. Her mouth touching me felt electric, and when she gave my clit a quick suck before lifting her head and smiling at me, I had an orgasm. She proceeded to give me some of the most passionate and uninhibited oral I have ever received. Just watching her beautiful face down there was incredibly stimulating. I remember someone came into the bathroom and she just froze, I was stroking her head and we looked each other in the eyes, it was so thrilling and I was so happy, I couldn’t stop smiling. She started applying suction to my clit and I had to bite my lip hard to keep from making a noise. When the woman finally left she started giving me these deep, hard, nastily wet sucks, and I lost control. I held the back of her head with both hands and started bucking hard into her, making a sloshing/smacking sound that itself drove me crazy, and the pleasure kept building and building until I had an absolutely enormous orgasm. I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t, and I started crying instead. I ejaculated for only the second time in my life, the first was mortifying, this was cathartic, transcendent. I sobbed and watched her clean me, running my hair through her lips.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? Neither of us were concerned, apparently.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? It was serendipity. It was something that I absolutely needed, which the universe apparently saw fit to provide. In retrospect I often think of her in angelic terms. The experience was profound, and literally life-changing.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? None whatsoever.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? She was a total mess, and I helped clean her as best as I could. I felt drunk, and high, hardly able to stand. I felt so incredibly grateful, and thanked her profusely, she simply smiled and said that I needed that. I knew that this was a one-off thing somehow, and the only thing I regret is going with that seeming inevitability, instead of trying to pursue something real with her. Before we parted I kissed her deeply and roughly, cupping the back of her head and grabbing her butt, driving her into the wall with my hips. Someone walked in, but I couldn’t care less in that moment, and they quickly left.

Sometimes I still go to the bookstore, hoping to see her. More than once I returned to that stall, replaying what happened while I masturbate.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told my best friend, who is bi, all the gory details. At first she didn’t believe me, but when she realized it really happened she was both very happy for me and openly jealous.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Quite.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? Absolutely not.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Again, the only thing I regret is letting her leave without trying to establish a lasting connection.

But, I feel this experience literally changed my life. I didn’t think a girl like that would want anything to do with me. That belief is abolished, as is my persistent self-doubt.

For weeks after that happened I felt so vibrant and alive. In fact that feeling never really left me. A few days after, I had to give a presentation at work, which a promotion was contingent upon, that I was absolutely dreading. I couldn’t believe how easy it was, how absolutely confident I was able to be, how positively everyone responded. I got a larger promotion that what I thought was the absolute best-case scenario.

And, that experience officially ended my single life. As much as I regret letting her go, I would have never had the courage to approach and pursue my current girlfriend were it not for that. She is sweet, kind, loving, wonderful, quite lovely, much younger (this seems to be a major preference now), and I love her to death.

I feel so much gratitude towards life now.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? Thanks for giving me the platform to share 🙂

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