Race/ethnicity: South Asian
Location: Pacific Northwest
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexual orientation/sexuality better/best? I prefer and enjoy monogamy, but in the same way that one likes and prefers chocolate ice cream and is sometimes in the mood for cherry.
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 2
Bright Young Thing
How long ago did this hookup happen? Two new years ago.
How would you best classify this hookup? One-time offer, only good while supplies last.
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? She worked in marketing at the company that I was in, and was the sort of girl that is unfortunately typical for hardware marketing departments — pretty, charming, chatty, and smart; but largely only appreciated for being pretty. We did not interact much at work, but she tended to show up at the semi-regular after-work drink excursions, which is how we got to chatting. She was 10+ years younger than me, more or less fresh out of school, and that age gap combined with the fact that I never want to sleep with any co-workers, meant that I was never going to hit on her, which I think she vibed to and appreciated. So we’d see each other at a bar maybe once every three months or so, and share a good night of stories and jokes with co-workers, and then go off on our separate ways. One night, I realized that she hadn’t shown up for a while and asked one of the other marketing folks if she’d been exiled on some new grueling roadshow, but they just looked at me a little sadly and said that she had been laid off. Politics mostly — new VP didn’t like her or her manager and found a reason to eliminate that team.
I sent her a message (via LinkedIn of all places, after using that site to confirm that she had indeed moved on) and just teased her for not saying goodbye, but she said that she didn’t get a chance and was sorry to not have had the opportunity to collect emails and contact info for people. She was actually glad that I got in touch, because she could never figure out how to spell my last name (it is legit hard for non-Asians to spell it out) and it made cyber stalking hard. Huh.
She said that she was moving back east, to be closer to her parents while figuring out what was next. So, I wished her luck and it was nice knowing her.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Thanksgiving, I was connecting through Chicago on my way home from visiting family, when I happened to see her at a departure lounge. We hugged, caught up, and started dishing dirt on corporate gossip. She told me about how the boss of the company would almost come this close to pimping her out to prospective CEOs as a way of closing business deals, and she was super glad to have been let go anyway (and was also generally just shocking to me, and reinforced a desire in me to find a new place to work). I think it was cathartic for both of us, and we were both glad to have had a chance to talk again.
“Hey,” she asked, “I realize it’s a little early, but where are you planning on spending New Year’s? In town or back with your folks?”
“Staying in town. Spending Christmas with the fam, but I was planning on heading back shortly afterwards. Not a lot of vacation time, and I could use the dead holiday time to catch up on work.”
“Ah, I’m doing the same with spending it with family, but I was thinking of taking a quick trip across country to spend New Year’s in the old stomping grounds, to see some old college friends. We usually have a pretty epic party, if you’re interested in coming along.”
“Getting drunk with kids who weren’t even in high school when 9/11 happened? And probably have never used a VCR? Thank you. I appreciate the invitation but I don’t want to be that creepy old guy.”
“You’re not creepy at all. Don’t worry. I’ll vouch for you.”
“Let me think about it. Text me when you get into town and maybe we can make plans.”
I didn’t really think about it much afterwards, but was reminded of it when she started posting photos of being back in the city on FB, and I messaged her “welcome home.” We got to chatting and realized that both of us had the day of New Year’s free and wound up going back to the usual after work bar in the afternoon to see if she could just make a pitch about getting me to check out this new year’s party.
We never actually made it to the party.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We started drinking at 1pm, and just kept downing one beer after another, while laughing and leaning into each other at this bar. She was crashing with one of her college roommates, and was telling me about all of the epic top shelf booze that they were getting for the party, and started naming off a bunch of fancy Scotches that her roommate’s boyfriend had started collecting, and I said that I was impressed with their taste, but I had a bunch of even fancier stuff at home if she was curious to check it out.
I knew what that sounded like, and was still kind of surprised that I said it because it’s not usually my style to be so direct, but I was maybe being a little more brash because of the day drinking or the age differential. I held eye contact when I said it, and she just took her beer, drained the glass and said, “oh look, I think I’ll need another drink.”
We took public transit back to my place, and just used the crowd as an excuse to press ourselves against each other, and hold each other, and hold hands as we navigated our way through the station throngs.
She asked to use the bathroom as soon as she went into my apartment, and then after she finished, she came out, we looked into each other’s eyes and I started to kiss her.
The drinks at the bar made me a little slow to respond to her, but I was a bit surprised with how filthy her mouth was, and that more than made up for my initial drunkenness. We started with us making out in the hallway between my bathroom and bedroom, with me pushing her up against a wall and letting my fingers slip between all of the layers of her winter clothing to find the soft flesh of her waist.
From there, we stumbled into the bedroom, and just got caught in a tumble of clothing as we peeled off jackets and sweaters and blouses and long johns. It was like Christmas gift unwrapping all over again.
The sex was kind of long and… experimental. We both had filthy imaginations, which was a nice surprise, but I think our dreams exceeded our reality, and our bodies weren’t quite flexible enough to get into the positions that we wanted to try. I also think that we both knew that this was going to be only a one night thing, so we wanted to try everything now. But it was a lot of “oh, try this… I saw this in some porno and thought it was so hot … can you hold me with your hand on my back here? and put your leg here? and… oh, actually that kind of hurts. Let’s try something else.”
I think I lost my erection a couple of times just from laughing so much at the silliness that we were getting into. Eventually, we resorted to just straight up semi-vanilla missionary and that was fun. Then we lay in bed swapping and judging each other on our work crushes, and she got on top and had sex with me again.
I made her some dinner based on some things I had leftover in my fridge, and did pour out a nice Islay scotch to toast “precocious young things with excellent taste in well-aged products” but otherwise, it was a nice, chill evening. She opted to text her old roommate to say that she was going to be skipping the party but was going to be ok. We stayed up just in time to watch things switch to midnight, but otherwise passed out soon afterwards.
I drove her back to the place where she was crashing, and she left for the east coast a day later. We still message each other Facebook sometimes, and we like different posts, but it’s nothing beyond that.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? Condoms and she had a diaphragm. We did not discuss STI history, but I got tested afterwards and confirmed that I had nothing to worry about.
What were your REASONS for having this hookup? It was fun. She was in town. We had good chemistry, and I believe that it was genuinely the best NYE plan that we had based on our options.
Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Beers at the bar, scotch at home. Otherwise not much else.
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Nothing really. She’s dating a new guy now and seems totally thrilled with him. He’s also a lot closer to her in age, and sounds like a good fit. She talks about coming by to visit in the summer and introducing us. I don’t think she’s told him yet about me beyond being “a good friend from back in her crappy marketing days”
I also quit that job a few months later. I was always getting a little disillusioned with the place, and her stories about the douchebag founders just cemented my distaste for it.
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I haven’t told any of my friends about this, though when people asked where I was at New Year’s, I just said that I was hanging out with an “old friend from out of town.” Read into that whatever you will.
I think some of my ex-coworkers suspected that we hooked up; because they asked about her during my farewell send off. I suspect that she’s a bigger gossip than I, and was probably bragging about it to some of her ex-marketing colleagues. But I never confirmed or denied any of those rumors.
Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Yes on both counts.
Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? Not at all. I’m glad that it happened, and I’m glad that it ended as cleanly as it did.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Honestly, I think that this was, like, my ideal hook up. I didn’t go into it expecting anything to happen and we just kept on surprising each other. We both knew that this wasn’t going to lead to anything more and that was totally ok. It was just fun, silly, and hot. I didn’t have any complicated feelings after this, nor do I think did she. We both made each other feel attractive, sexy, and wanted; but we didn’t get into anything needy. I learned a lot from my past casual sex and not-so-casual sex encounters, and the only thing that I learned from this was how genuinely fun everything can be when the emphasis is on the ‘casual.’
If I had to pick a “worst”, it was all of the complicated acrobatics that we tried and failed to pull off. She’d been teasing me to do more yoga, and if you do ever find me in downward dog, it’s entirely going to be her fault.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? You can thank her for the username. While sharing stories about work and personal lives, she made this observation that I lot of what I did after work (hanging out with artists, performers, bohemian types) was very different than what I projected at work. “It’s very Clark Kent of you” she said, and I rejoindered saying that I was always more of a Marvel fan. DC heroes like Batman and Superman live double lives and essentially lie about who they are half the time. Spiderman, Iron Man, Wolverine, etc. — they try to be discreet about their identities and maybe compartmentalize who they are; but they’re never inconsistent between their personal and hero personas. That’s a lot of nerd philosophy for a moment, but I do like the Clark Kent imagery.
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